I'm re-writing the bible

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I'm re-writing the bible

#1  Postby Agrippina » Jun 15, 2010 6:27 am

One book that has never interested me enough to read it (mostly because I fall asleep when I do) is the bible.

I've decided that in order to argue against it, I have to have read it at least once, but in the first sentence I'm already irritated. So to make myself more enthusiastic about it, I've decided that I shall embark on an effort to read it all the way through and in the reading to apply some common sense as well as my knowledge of what the ancient world was really like to rewrite it in a way that includes the fantasy but with more of the reality thrown in.

Before I post anything that I've started to work on, please clarify for me that I'm not breaking some copyright laws and that I'm allowed to do this, also some suggestions would be welcomed before I spend too much time, starting with...

1.Once upon a time, around thirteen point seven billion years ago, a deity emerged from the rubble of the explosion that came to be known as the “Big Bang,”


Also, can I claim some sort of rights over this? :cheers:

Edit to fix typo.
Last edited by Agrippina on Jun 15, 2010 9:54 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#2  Postby chairman bill » Jun 15, 2010 8:22 am

No copyright. If Jehovah wants to claim it, the bugger will need to front up & say so ;-)

As for your rights - yes.
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#3  Postby Enoch » Jun 15, 2010 9:19 am

billion, not million.

Good luck with it, took me one year to read it, can't imagine how long it might take to write it.
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#4  Postby Agrippina » Jun 15, 2010 9:53 am

Bretski wrote:billion, not million.

Good luck with it, took me one year to read it, can't imagine how long it might take to write it.


Of course it's billion, I always type the wrong one.

In the first page I picked up something to nitpick about.
"We should create man in our image"
Where's the monotheism in that? Apparently the Hebrew is Elohim which is plural. I wouldn't know, except from what I've learnt from mythology. So in the first page of the bible we already know that there was more than one deity involved.
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#5  Postby Tsuyoiko » Jun 15, 2010 10:04 am

You probably already know about the offensive crap in Genesis, but if not, prepare yourself for girls getting their father drunk so they can shag him and get pregnant and other such filth. I read Genesis when I was 11 for a Girl Guides badge and that was when I stopped calling myself a Christian.

As for rewriting it, you definitely have no copyright problems and can keep the rights to anything you do. Various people have already based novels on parts of it, like Orson Scott Card's The Women of Genesis series and Philip Pullman's The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ.
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#6  Postby Eduard » Jun 15, 2010 10:11 am

Alas so many people have rewritten this wonderful book over the centuries and it still remains a pain to read. I have full faith that Aggie will make it a Dan Brown best seller :lol:
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#7  Postby Callan » Jun 15, 2010 10:30 am

Eduard wrote:Alas so many people have rewritten this wonderful book over the centuries and it still remains a pain to read. I have full faith that Aggie will make it a Dan Brown best seller :lol:


You talk real purty fer a dead dude.

Don't forget all the zombies, Aggie! Gotta have zombies. Lazarus had got stinky before he got raised from the dead. Jesus can't have been too fragrant either, after three days.

BRAINNNZZZZ!! BRAINZZZZZZZZ!
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#8  Postby CJ » Jun 15, 2010 10:32 am

So Aggi you'll not be posting as much here for a while ;)

A great project, good luck :cheers:
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#9  Postby Eduard » Jun 15, 2010 10:38 am

Callan wrote:

You talk real purty fer a dead dude. (Just like Jesus! :wink:)

Don't forget all the zombies, Aggie! Gotta have zombies. Lazarus had got stinky before he got raised from the dead. Jesus can't have been too fragrant either, after three days.

BRAINNNZZZZ!! BRAINZZZZZZZZ! UNCONDITIONAL LOVEZZZZZ! UNCONDITIONAL LOVEZZZ!


pFFFT, so un-Christian of you Callan!
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#10  Postby katja z » Jun 15, 2010 10:42 am

Tsuyoiko wrote:
As for rewriting it, you definitely have no copyright problems and can keep the rights to anything you do. Various people have already based novels on parts of it, like Orson Scott Card's The Women of Genesis series and Philip Pullman's The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ.

Other imaginative rewritings include Timothy Findley's Not wanted on the voyage (based on the flood story) and José Saramago's The Gospel according to Jesus Christ. The latter provoked a huge fuss in Portugal. I really recommend it, although some passages might be difficult to digest for vegetarians :whistle:
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#11  Postby Tsuyoiko » Jun 15, 2010 11:31 am

katja z wrote:Other imaginative rewritings include Timothy Findley's Not wanted on the voyage (based on the flood story) and José Saramago's The Gospel according to Jesus Christ. The latter provoked a huge fuss in Portugal. I really recommend it, although some passages might be difficult to digest for vegetarians :whistle:


Definitely one for me to avoid then :yuk:
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#12  Postby twistor59 » Jun 15, 2010 11:36 am

Can you make sure there's some kung fu action in it please....
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Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#13  Postby katja z » Jun 15, 2010 11:37 am

Tsuyoiko wrote:
katja z wrote:Other imaginative rewritings include Timothy Findley's Not wanted on the voyage (based on the flood story) and José Saramago's The Gospel according to Jesus Christ. The latter provoked a huge fuss in Portugal. I really recommend it, although some passages might be difficult to digest for vegetarians :whistle:


Definitely one for me to avoid then :yuk:

Dunno, I managed it ... and it was definitely worth the effort, it's a very good book! :cheers:
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#14  Postby Callan » Jun 15, 2010 11:43 am

Eduard wrote:
Callan wrote:

You talk real purty fer a dead dude. (Just like Jesus! :wink:)

Don't forget all the zombies, Aggie! Gotta have zombies. Lazarus had got stinky before he got raised from the dead. Jesus can't have been too fragrant either, after three days.

BRAINNNZZZZ!! BRAINZZZZZZZZ! UNCONDITIONAL LOVEZZZZZ! UNCONDITIONAL LOVEZZZ!


pFFFT, so un-Christian of you Callan!



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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#15  Postby Agrippina » Jun 15, 2010 2:05 pm

Now listen guys, I'm rewriting it so that evolution can be put in and the real story can be told, in order to do this, I have a story-teller. I intend to stick to the original as much as possible, except for things that are out of order like plants coming before animals, I'm putting it the right way around, and I'll even include real events as much as I, a neophyte to the science of evolution, am able to, so this is where you come in, you have to set me right.

For now, I'm watching Lord of the Rings, there's more truth in that than the bible.
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#16  Postby Callan » Jun 15, 2010 2:07 pm

Who's the narrator Aggie?

Ooh, ooh, I know - Steven Hawking!
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#17  Postby shh » Jun 15, 2010 3:08 pm

Agrippina wrote:Now listen guys, I'm rewriting it so that evolution can be put in and the real story can be told,

So you've given up on re-writing the Bible already? :naughty2:
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#18  Postby katja z » Jun 15, 2010 3:51 pm

Agrippina wrote:Now listen guys, I'm rewriting it so that evolution can be put in and the real story can be told,

I wonder how much there will remain of the original once you have done with it :think:

For now, I'm watching Lord of the Rings, there's more truth in that than the bible.

:rofl: But that film is an abomination! :snooty: The book, now, the book ... *rushes to her bookshelves to reread some favourite passages*

Looking forward to your Bible according to Agrippina! :hungry:
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#19  Postby Skinny Puppy » Jun 15, 2010 3:51 pm

I’ve read it cover-to-cover.

I’ve always felt that if you don’t believe in something; know what it is that you don’t believe in.

I discuss theology with a professor of theology (he’s my neighbour) quite often. He and I can fire quotes back and forth like wildfire.

We’re both mindful and respective of each other’s beliefs. I don’t make fun of theists; he doesn’t make fun of atheists.

Having mutual respect for each other allows both of us to seriously question why we both hold such diametrically opposite views of the world.

He’s a Catholic; I’m an ex-Pentecostal, so he’s helped me to gain a fairly good understanding of the workings and ideologies of the Catholic Church.
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Re: I'm re-writing the bible

#20  Postby Enoch » Jun 15, 2010 4:33 pm

Agrippina wrote:
Bretski wrote:billion, not million.

Good luck with it, took me one year to read it, can't imagine how long it might take to write it.


Of course it's billion, I always type the wrong one.

In the first page I picked up something to nitpick about.
"We should create man in our image"
Where's the monotheism in that? Apparently the Hebrew is Elohim which is plural. I wouldn't know, except from what I've learnt from mythology. So in the first page of the bible we already know that there was more than one deity involved.


I noticed that too. I actually began reading it out loud from page one with a Christian friend, I paused and said "hang-on... our image?" She said "yeah, Jesus, holy spirit, and god"

I didn't think much of it at the time, but it soon dawned on me that the trinity is suppose to be one person, and that Christianity has polytheistic origins, and the Elohim translation completely confirms this.
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