Adoptions

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Adoptions

#1  Postby LIFE » Mar 21, 2010 3:32 pm

I'm seriously considering to adopt a child in the long-term.
Although it's extremely hard to do, since I don't have a partner at my side.

Has anyone here adopted? What's your experience so far? Any obstacles I should keep in mind?
Is the child accepting you as a parent when you've told it -assuming that you did- that you're not the biological genitor?

Shoot.
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Re: Adoptions

#2  Postby Aurlito » Mar 21, 2010 3:38 pm

Don't think that because I'm asking, I'm a homophobic, but are you gay?
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Re: Adoptions

#3  Postby LIFE » Mar 21, 2010 3:44 pm

Aurlito wrote:Don't think that because I'm asking, I'm a homophobic, but are you gay?


No I'm not but what does this have to do with anything?
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Re: Adoptions

#4  Postby Aurlito » Mar 21, 2010 3:48 pm

LIFE wrote:
Aurlito wrote:Don't think that because I'm asking, I'm a homophobic, but are you gay?


No I'm not but what does this have to do with anything?

You're saying that you want to adopt a kid but you don't have a partner in your side. this plot structure is a little bit deceiving.
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Re: Adoptions

#5  Postby natselrox » Mar 21, 2010 3:48 pm

I'd like to adopt as well. But maybe after a few years.
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Re: Adoptions

#6  Postby LIFE » Mar 21, 2010 3:50 pm

Aurlito wrote:
LIFE wrote:
Aurlito wrote:Don't think that because I'm asking, I'm a homophobic, but are you gay?


No I'm not but what does this have to do with anything?

You're saying that you want to adopt a kid but you don't have a partner in your side. this plot structure is a little bit deceiving.


??? what the hell are you talking about? why is that deceiving?
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Re: Adoptions

#7  Postby Aurlito » Mar 21, 2010 3:51 pm

Nothing. just asking. leave it be. I apologize if it was insulting.
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Re: Adoptions

#8  Postby natselrox » Mar 21, 2010 3:52 pm

Your commas could be better placed, Aurlito.
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Re: Adoptions

#9  Postby LIFE » Mar 21, 2010 3:55 pm

Aurlito wrote:Nothing. just asking. leave it be. I apologize if it was insulting.


No need to apologize and you didn't insult me, I just don't understand what your point is ;)
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Re: Adoptions

#10  Postby crank » Mar 21, 2010 4:02 pm

LIFE wrote:I'm seriously considering to adopt a child in the long-term.
Although it's extremely hard to do, since I don't have a partner at my side.

Has anyone here adopted? What's your experience so far? Any obstacles I should keep in mind?
Is the child accepting you as a parent when you've told it -assuming that you did- that you're not the biological genitor?

Shoot.

The "adopt a child in the long term"--were you thinking you could just give it back after a few years? Just kidding, phrasing maybe a bit off.

I am gay, don't want kids, BUT I am adopted. My parents told me and my also adopted brother from a very early age, so early I have no recollection of it, but remember knowing I was adopted since v v young, like pre-kindergarten years. So, of course I was always accepting of it, and again of course, my adopted parents were 'my parents'. Maybe we were lucky, never had any BS of any kind either from within the family or outside of it due to our being adopted.

I can only add good luck, it will be difficult given your situation, but if you are sincere and really really really want a child and have the ability to provide a loving and enriching home for it, you should be allowed to adopt one. And, be sure and tell them from as early as they can understand words, make sure they always know you are there parents and how much they are your child, that you love them and will always be there for them.
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Re: Adoptions

#11  Postby pcCoder » Mar 21, 2010 4:05 pm

I think he may be saying that some adoption agencies might think that someone trying to adopt but doesn't have a partner might simply be gay but hiding it by not having a partner at the moment so they can adopt. I could be wrong.

I've thought about adopting as well (in the future, not now), but not about marriage (or I have thought about it but in the negative direction). It seems it would be difficult for a single person to be able to adopt. They would probably start with the b/s that the child needs both parents to have a stable home or such similar to how they say the child needs both a mother and father for a stable home. Yet, at orphanages they have neither and there are plenty of single-parent families. There is nothing inherently more unstable about a single parent.
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Re: Adoptions

#12  Postby Rawnaeris » Mar 21, 2010 4:09 pm

I think what Aurlito is trying to say that in some places, unfortunately like the US, it is almost impossible for a gay male/female to adopt.

A female professor I know recently adopted a little girl with no husband/partner, so here at least, it is not impossible for a single person to adopt.

Good luck LIFE. :thumbup:
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Re: Adoptions

#13  Postby cherries » Mar 21, 2010 4:16 pm

it's harder to bring up a child if your alone and it's lifetime commitment,your freedom will be reduced considerably.
why do you want to adopt?
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Re: Adoptions

#14  Postby LIFE » Mar 21, 2010 4:26 pm

cherries wrote:it's harder to bring up a child if your alone and it's lifetime commitment,your freedom will be reduced considerably.
why do you want to adopt?


Because I love to share. And there's millions of orphaned children who need a home, I don't consider my reduced freedom to be a sacrifice there. Just a shift in experiences ;)
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Re: Adoptions

#15  Postby Elena » Mar 21, 2010 4:36 pm

LIFE wrote:
cherries wrote:
why do you want to adopt?


Because I love to share. And there's millions of orphaned children who need a home, I don't consider my reduced freedom to be a sacrifice there. Just a shift in experiences ;)

That's laudable. Children living in institutions will certainly benefit from growing up in a home with one busy parent than with no family at all.

Perhaps you LIFE have an extended family that can help out?

Our second son is adopted. I wanted to repost here for you our experience with the adoption process, which I described in RD.net a couple times. Yet I'm unable to locate the posts now :dunno: The first post may date from as far back as 2007 and the most recent one may be over a year old already-- maybe that's why? (You Life may be more resourceful to run searches, if you're interested in some of the details of international adoption-- at least re: the US).

Congrats on your wish to adopt :cheers:
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Re: Adoptions

#16  Postby cherries » Mar 21, 2010 4:37 pm

yeah,being able to share your life is a good reason,you'll also learn a lot about yourself when bringing up a child.
what about trying to foster a child first?i can imagine it will be easier to adopt if you proof yourself worthy that way.

good luck :)
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Re: Adoptions

#17  Postby Elena » Mar 21, 2010 5:54 pm

LIFE wrote: Any obstacles I should keep in mind?

Many. The adoption process is, as the cliché goes, an emotional roller coaster. Long-winded. Very expensive. Ridiculously intrusive. Frustrating when the child you've been promised is kept away from you by legal red tape.
LIFE wrote: Is the child accepting you as a parent when you've told it -assuming that you did- that you're not the biological genitor

The child will love you as much as (s)he can, just as a bio child does --particularly if the child has been adopted very young.

Our younger son was 20 months old when we brought him home from Central America. He has always known that we're his adoptive parents. He's among the most affectionate children we know, always hugging us and telling us how much he loves us (something our bio son is not inclined to do :scratch: :shifty:).

Our younger son does show interest in knowing his roots. I met his birth mother before bringing him home, and have pics with her. And we know where to find his birth family (not reachable via regular transportation), should he ever want to embark in that trip.

We think that the child has a right to know about his/her adoption. If the child finds out unexpectedly, (s)he will probably feel betrayed.

Best wishes!
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Re: Adoptions

#18  Postby Warren Dew » Mar 21, 2010 9:55 pm

Rawnaeris wrote:I think what Aurlito is trying to say that in some places, unfortunately like the US, it is almost impossible for a gay male/female to adopt.

Since we're in the business of second guessing Aurlito here, I think he was wondering why LIFE wanted to have a child without first having a spouse or partner.
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Re: Adoptions

#19  Postby Warren Dew » Mar 21, 2010 10:20 pm

LIFE wrote:And there's millions of orphaned children who need a home, I don't consider my reduced freedom to be a sacrifice there. Just a shift in experiences ;)

I don't think the situation is as simple as that. Here's a good discussion from RDF:

http://forum.richarddawkins.net/viewtop ... 2&t=102268

I especially recommend the post from Halkieria on p4 or so.
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Re: Adoptions

#20  Postby pcCoder » Mar 21, 2010 10:23 pm

In high school, I had a teacher who him and his wife adopted a child from somewhere overseas instead of the U.S. because it was so much easier of a process.
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