Kids that don't listen

How to discipline them?

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Kids that don't listen

#1  Postby Stagman » Dec 30, 2013 8:27 pm

My girlfriend has two young boys aged nearly 6 and just past 7.
Both do not listen well, hardly ever do as they're told and when they do it is after much delaying and fooling about.
Both shout a lot and seem to think that by shouting they can get their way....
They have very little value in toys and such so punishment by removal of toys doesn't work. Any punishment is usually met with laughter as they seem not to give a damn.
When in a rare occurance they are nice, they take any niceties sent their way as is or immediately afterwards they turn awful again. Thus giving praise isn't something easy as it isn't taken as such and any nice moments are followed by a long period of drama. If one is nice for 15 minutes a day, it is a lot, but should that be praised only to be punished for all the other crap.
Now my girlfriend has a limited amount of energy to deal with these kids and the ex doesn't seem to want to budge in regards to more time with him (4 days, long weekend, every 2 wks). He keeps on going about that she must seek help, while when together they had a lot of trouble with the kids and sought help. I believe 4 different groups were utilised with only temporary reasonable results. He says try again while she doesn't see the point - pointing to the fact they used all possible avenues in the past with bugger all result. Ex seems to be not willing to change situation regarding time with kids.
If no change happens, I see the physical and psycological stress take an enormous (negative) impact.

Does anyone have experience, tips, suggestions etc?
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#2  Postby campermon » Dec 30, 2013 8:36 pm

We (mrsC and I) have always found that routine is the key. When our lot were little, a break in the usual routine would cause them to play up.

ETA - having said that, they could all be little bastards at times! :lol:
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#3  Postby Macdoc » Dec 30, 2013 8:41 pm

Sounds like my 21 year old.

Maybe you need to rent-a-nanny.

Structure seems a good course of actions.
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#4  Postby chairman bill » Dec 30, 2013 9:07 pm

Puncture their eardrums. That'll make 'em listen next time. Er ...
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#5  Postby Scarlett » Dec 30, 2013 9:19 pm

I agree with mr C. Routine is pretty important for my kids. And very clear boundaries, they know what's expected of them in any given situation and they know the consequences of overstepping the boundaries. This entails lots of talking, not lecturing or shouting and arguing, but talking and coming to agreements about those boundaries and the consequences. E.g. They don't listen. They're asked to listen once, they're asked to listen again with a warning that the 'consequence will kick in, next time it's just the consequence. The consequence is up to you, if they love computer games, it get's confiscated for a pre agreed time, you get the picture.

Unfortunately it's not going to be easy to put in place with children of 6 & 7 but IMO not impossible either. Would just take some dedication and absolute consistency.

Just my tuppence worth, I've got three kids ;)
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#6  Postby campermon » Dec 30, 2013 9:21 pm

Scarlett wrote:I agree with mr C. Routine is pretty important for my kids. And very clear boundaries, they know what's expected of them in any given situation and they know the consequences of overstepping the boundaries. This entails lots of talking, not lecturing or shouting and arguing, but talking and coming to agreements about those boundaries and the consequences. E.g. They don't listen. They're asked to listen once, they're asked to listen again with a warning that the 'consequence will kick in, next time it's just the consequence. The consequence is up to you, if they love computer games, it get's confiscated for a pre agreed time, you get the picture.

Unfortunately it's not going to be easy to put in place with children of 6 & 7 but IMO not impossible either. Would just take some dedication and absolute consistency.

Just my tuppence worth, I've got three kids ;)


And if that don't work - switch off the internetz. Works every time!

:lol:
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#7  Postby Scarlett » Dec 30, 2013 9:26 pm

campermon wrote:
Scarlett wrote:I agree with mr C. Routine is pretty important for my kids. And very clear boundaries, they know what's expected of them in any given situation and they know the consequences of overstepping the boundaries. This entails lots of talking, not lecturing or shouting and arguing, but talking and coming to agreements about those boundaries and the consequences. E.g. They don't listen. They're asked to listen once, they're asked to listen again with a warning that the 'consequence will kick in, next time it's just the consequence. The consequence is up to you, if they love computer games, it get's confiscated for a pre agreed time, you get the picture.

Unfortunately it's not going to be easy to put in place with children of 6 & 7 but IMO not impossible either. Would just take some dedication and absolute consistency.

Just my tuppence worth, I've got three kids ;)


And if that don't work - switch off the internetz. Works every time!

:lol:


I'm so lucky with kid no.3, she's a wee darling really. I put her on the naughty step once when she was about 4 and she was absolutely heartbroken, it was awful, for the first time as a parent I felt like I'd been mean to her! :waah:

:tehe:
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#8  Postby The_Metatron » Dec 30, 2013 9:28 pm

Easy peasy. Find what they value and put it at risk by their behavior.
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#9  Postby campermon » Dec 30, 2013 9:28 pm

Scarlett wrote:
I'm so lucky with kid no.3, she's a wee darling really. I put her on the naughty step once when she was about 4 and she was absolutely heartbroken, it was awful, for the first time as a parent I felt like I'd been mean to her! :waah:

:tehe:


Awwwwwwww! :hugs:
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#10  Postby Stagman » Dec 30, 2013 10:56 pm

These kids have stuff all that they value. No internet allowed for them anyway, but the weekly session on Wii game computer is already in confiscation mode. They have lots of teddy bears which get confiscated too. Still has bugger all effect.
As mentioned, structure and routine. I've been told a break in the past had an effect on them so I guess that would work. That said, there isn't much change at present and still they're devils.
Thing is, any consequence is laughed at as nothing really gets them thinking about their actions. No consequence we know of really works. Puzzled.
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#11  Postby Emmeline » Dec 30, 2013 11:07 pm

Stagman wrote:My girlfriend has two young boys aged nearly 6 and just past 7.
Both do not listen well, hardly ever do as they're told and when they do it is after much delaying and fooling about.
Both shout a lot and seem to think that by shouting they can get their way….

How do they behave in school?
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#12  Postby Stagman » Dec 31, 2013 10:41 am

Not brilliantly, but apparently slightly better, so I've been told.
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#13  Postby Veida » Dec 31, 2013 10:55 am

One thing about talking to the kids that I've found is that it is of no value whatsoever to say anything at all to them if you're not in the same room and have their attention. Yelling from the other side of the house is absolutely useless.

One needs to be close and preferably to touch them somehow (not grab or anything threatening, I mean for example to lay ones hand on their shoulder or hand or something like that).
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#14  Postby The_Metatron » Dec 31, 2013 12:01 pm

I find the best approach to be to first be perfectly clear what behavior you want. Explain it in detail, and tell them exactly how to do it. Then, when they deliver what you want, reinforce that. I also couple that with taking their most valued thing (computer time, a particular activity or toy, whatever they value a lot) away when they do not deliver what you expect.

The first thing establishes and habitualizes desired behaviors, the second thing makes undesirable behaviors extinct.

Everyone wins.
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#15  Postby Stagman » Dec 31, 2013 1:09 pm

Veida and the 'Tron, I've tried that approach myself, but so far it has only been met with laughter. Kids don't take anything seriously, except when they don't get their way. Keep trying I guess.
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#16  Postby campermon » Dec 31, 2013 1:11 pm

Stagman wrote:Veida and the 'Tron, I've tried that approach myself, but so far it has only been met with laughter. Kids don't take anything seriously, except when they don't get their way. Keep trying I guess.


Be a broken record. Don't let them get their way.
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#17  Postby campermon » Dec 31, 2013 1:15 pm

The_Metatron wrote:I find the best approach to be to first be perfectly clear what behavior you want. Explain it in detail, and tell them exactly how to do it. Then, when they deliver what you want, reinforce that. I also couple that with taking their most valued thing (computer time, a particular activity or toy, whatever they value a lot) away when they do not deliver what you expect.


That reminds me; back in the late 70's early 80's me and my siblings (there were 4 of us) would continually argue about what to watch on the TV. My mom told us that if we didn't stop it, then the TV would go. We didn't stop and the TV did go for a couple of weeks! That was the worst thing in the world for us then! A bit like losing the internetz!
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#18  Postby Mike_L » Dec 31, 2013 1:20 pm

Delbert Grady on discipline...



:grin:
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#19  Postby The_Metatron » Dec 31, 2013 1:31 pm

campermon wrote:
The_Metatron wrote:I find the best approach to be to first be perfectly clear what behavior you want. Explain it in detail, and tell them exactly how to do it. Then, when they deliver what you want, reinforce that. I also couple that with taking their most valued thing (computer time, a particular activity or toy, whatever they value a lot) away when they do not deliver what you expect.

That reminds me; back in the late 70's early 80's me and my siblings (there were 4 of us) would continually argue about what to watch on the TV. My mom told us that if we didn't stop it, then the TV would go. We didn't stop and the TV did go for a couple of weeks! That was the worst thing in the world for us then! A bit like losing the internetz!

This technique even works for grown people. Getting military subordinates to do what needed required nothing more than putting their off-duty time at risk. Nothing motivates them like the spectre of working late.
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Re: Kids that don't listen

#20  Postby hackenslash » Dec 31, 2013 2:32 pm

Lecture them at great length and in detail. Bore the fucking shit out of them every time they play up.

Worked wonders for me.
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