Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

When being bullied?

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Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence to bullying?

Yes
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No
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Total votes : 16

Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#1  Postby Keep It Real » Apr 26, 2017 7:32 pm

I was bullied at school and my mother and step father decided removing me from school was the best solution. I'm not sure it was and think perhaps they should have told me to work out and fight back. If ever I have kids I'm not sure how to deal with this issue, plus I've just started volunteering at a youth center. Thoughts?
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#2  Postby Keep It Real » Apr 26, 2017 8:00 pm

I was raised to believe violence is always wrong.....I've got issues I guess, but telling kids to break noses doesn't seem like the way forward...I'm all at sea.
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#3  Postby NineBerry » Apr 26, 2017 8:13 pm

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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#4  Postby Keep It Real » Apr 26, 2017 8:15 pm

Thanks for your contribution, although I must confess it makes no sense to me...
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#5  Postby theropod » Apr 26, 2017 8:24 pm

I would like to see one more option. If after school officials have been notified and nothing is done, or if the bully makes it sexual, turn the kid loose.

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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#6  Postby Keep It Real » Apr 26, 2017 8:29 pm

And train them to be more effective fighters if those circumstances might arise - as a preventative measure?
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#7  Postby NineBerry » Apr 26, 2017 8:33 pm

Keep It Real wrote:Thanks for your contribution, although I must confess it makes no sense to me...


"Let the right one in" is a novel / movie adaptation on the issue of bullying.
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#8  Postby Thomas Eshuis » Apr 26, 2017 8:42 pm

I would teach my children to only use 'violence' (what exactly are we talking about here?) in self defense and as a last resort.
Preferably they talk through their issues with someone else, or walk away if that's not possible.

Using violence when other options are available only reinforce the notion that the use of violence is normal and that it actually solves anything, when it rarely is/does.
"Respect for personal beliefs = "I am going to tell you all what I think of YOU, but don't dare retort and tell what you think of ME because...it's my personal belief". Hmm. A bully's charter and no mistake."
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#9  Postby Keep It Real » Apr 26, 2017 9:10 pm

Thomas Eshuis wrote:I would teach my children to only use 'violence' (what exactly are we talking about here?) in self defense and as a last resort.


Taking a humiliating experience might well qualify as not breaching the last resort threshold; the same goes for taking a beating and hobbling away afterwards...what is this "last resort" you speak of?

Preferably they talk through their issues with someone else, or walk away if that's not possible.

What use is talking about being bullied? Where is there to walk to, into isolation to boot, in an enclosed playground?

Using violence when other options are available only reinforce the notion that the use of violence is normal and that it actually solves anything, when it rarely is/does.

Given the film/tv/news culture we live in it would appear that violence is useful, sometimes. You could well say that bullying is rare (it isn't, btw) but that wouldn't negate the hypothesis that violence is a useful and correct response to severe bullying.
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#10  Postby Thomas Eshuis » Apr 27, 2017 8:46 am

Keep It Real wrote:
Thomas Eshuis wrote:I would teach my children to only use 'violence' (what exactly are we talking about here?) in self defense and as a last resort.


Taking a humiliating experience might well qualify as not breaching the last resort threshold;

Humiliation is partially in the eye of the beholder.
And if possible I'd advise my kid to just walk away. If necessary one can always inform the principal and/or parents.

Keep It Real wrote: the same goes for taking a beating and hobbling away afterwards...what is this "last resort" you speak of?

Well, this would be a good example. If someone is trying to beat you up and you can't escape the situation, you're justified and fighting back to defend yourself.

Keep It Real wrote:
Preferably they talk through their issues with someone else, or walk away if that's not possible.

What use is talking about being bullied? Where is there to walk to, into isolation to boot, in an enclosed playground?

Well, first of all, I did not say, talking about bullying in general. I am talking about informing the bullies that you don't want to be bullied and if that does not work, inform adults of the situation.
And yes, talking about bullying does help to a certain degree.

Keep It Real wrote:
Using violence when other options are available only reinforce the notion that the use of violence is normal and that it actually solves anything, when it rarely is/does.

Given the film/tv/news culture we live in it would appear that violence is useful, sometimes.

What's that got to do with what I said?

Keep It Real wrote: You could well say that bullying is rare (it isn't, btw) but that wouldn't negate the hypothesis that violence is a useful and correct response to severe bullying.

Hence why I've said nothing of the sort.
I've said that using violence to solve your problems, especially when other options are available, promotes the notion that violence is perfectly acceptable (first) response to things you don't like.
"Respect for personal beliefs = "I am going to tell you all what I think of YOU, but don't dare retort and tell what you think of ME because...it's my personal belief". Hmm. A bully's charter and no mistake."
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#11  Postby Scot Dutchy » Apr 27, 2017 10:13 am

You cannot as one child fight against a whole group. Bullies are always in groups. I suffered very much when I moved from London to Edinburgh. Mainly because of my West London accent which totally incomprehensible to the idiots in my school who were the bullies. I was of the generation when a man had to be man even at the age of seven. My parents or the school were not interested.

Talking is the only way and should be done with the school and parents of the bully. Here most schools now have anti-bully schemes in place.
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#12  Postby Thomas Eshuis » Apr 27, 2017 11:08 am

Scot Dutchy wrote:You cannot as one child fight against a whole group.

It's not likely you'll win. But I'd say you're perfectly within in your rights to defend yourself in such a situation.
Scot Dutchy wrote: Bullies are always in groups.

Not necessarily, but often, yes.
"Respect for personal beliefs = "I am going to tell you all what I think of YOU, but don't dare retort and tell what you think of ME because...it's my personal belief". Hmm. A bully's charter and no mistake."
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#13  Postby Matthew Shute » Apr 27, 2017 11:59 am

Encouraging the kid to take a self defence course/martial arts training couldn't hurt; it could be fun and a chance to make new friends, too. As with anything, it depends on the specific situation.
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#14  Postby Weaver » Apr 27, 2017 1:30 pm

theropod wrote:I would like to see one more option. If after school officials have been notified and nothing is done, or if the bully makes it sexual, turn the kid loose.

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This.

And the fighting I teach my kids during grade and high school is defensive - mostly break contact drills, escapes from grabs, quick stun strikes used to gain distance, etc.

More offensive actions - breaks, dislocations, control holds, etc. - only comes when they're adults, if they want to learn that stuff.
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#15  Postby Keep It Real » Apr 27, 2017 9:04 pm

I worry that training kids in violence propagates the idea that it's common/necessary...
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#16  Postby Weaver » Apr 27, 2017 9:23 pm

Keep It Real wrote:I worry that training kids in violence propagates the idea that it's common/necessary...

It sometimes is necessary. It is undoubtedly rather common. I have been quite successful at training my kids no not instigate or initiate the use of violence, and to only use defensive violence as a last resort (and been likewise very successful) - but sometimes minor violence is necessary to escape worse, and as they become adults and risks increase commensurately, they'll learn that sometimes only major violence will prevent other major violence, and that sometimes the greatest good for the greatest number means that those initiating major violence against innocents need to be injured, crippled or killed to stop them.

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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#17  Postby Scot Dutchy » Apr 27, 2017 9:25 pm

Well done. You have just increased violence.
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#18  Postby Weaver » Apr 27, 2017 9:42 pm

Scot Dutchy wrote:Well done. You have just increased violence.

Not really - because the only violence I advocate is defensively at the lowest level necessary to prevent worse, and offensively only at the level to stop equal or multiple episodes of equal levels - the net effect is a decrease in violence, not an increase.
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#19  Postby Scot Dutchy » Apr 27, 2017 9:50 pm

Still well done and you cant see it which is much worse. American mentality is something to really to ignore.
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Re: Would you instruct your kids to respond with violence

#20  Postby Scot Dutchy » Apr 27, 2017 9:50 pm

Just try talking. It is very simple.
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