Death service

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Death service

#1  Postby cyberomega » Apr 23, 2020 10:35 pm

So what with my being super unhealthy and being generally ready for dying since I was a tyke, I've often thought about my service.

In my early 20s I emailed Ron Jeremy's agent asking how much it would be for him to perform my eulogy. I think because basically I want it to be different than any other service. I've come to the point where I don't want any 'shock' value, but I want my atheism acknowledged and don't want it to be a religious affair.

If individual speakers want to come up and talk about how they take comfort in my being in heaven (or even hell, better chance IMO) I'm cool with that, but don't want it to become a proselytising platform. (A cousin of mine hijacked my paternal grandmother's funeral during her 'few words' in order to sign more folks up... I was disgusted. "On her deathbed she saw the light etc...)

I have to realise that the majority of my relatives would prefer a standard service, done quickly. And I won't care, because I'll be dead and not around to give a fuck. So is this egotistic arrogance and should I just ignore it and let the living do what they will?

After all, once I snuff it... nothing regarding me matters. I'll only be a memory and once folks that remember me go too, not even that. Should I care so much about my farewell and making it into an occassion that reflects me more than a standard one would? I won't be around to appreciate it regardless.
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Re: Death service

#2  Postby theropod_V_2.0 » Apr 23, 2020 10:43 pm

I want to be burned on a semi trailer sized stack of seasoned hardwood logs, and anyone/everyone that hangs around must get shit faced drunk and stoned out of their minds. Anyone daring to pray, or spout off some spiritual shit gets set upon by everyone else.

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Re: Death service

#3  Postby Ironclad » Apr 24, 2020 12:25 am

I told my family, quite some years back, I'd prefer to be pushed under a hedge and left there to rot. My mother found this quite disgusting, more so when I told her I was not joking. For her sakes I said I'd accept being left under a tree, but I think she believes I'd have a sapling planted on my cadaver.
Seems I'll have to pass my body on to those forensic scientists who measure and weigh corpse fly larvae, to get my dream (feeding/thanking the Earth).
May be more useful to a student doctor's schooling, but they better promise me an unceremonious end.. or I'll be back to get them.
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Re: Death service

#4  Postby cyberomega » Apr 24, 2020 10:41 am

Have you heard of a sky burial Clad? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_burial
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Re: Death service

#5  Postby Alan B » Apr 24, 2020 11:59 am

When I die I will cease caring...
I have NO BELIEF in the existence of a God or gods. I do not have to offer evidence nor do I have to determine absence of evidence because I do not ASSERT that a God does or does not or gods do or do not exist.
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Re: Death service

#6  Postby Cito di Pense » Apr 24, 2020 12:21 pm

Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... up to... Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well.
Good night, sweet prince.
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Translation by Elbert Hubbard: Do not take life too seriously. You're not going to get out of it alive.
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Re: Death service

#7  Postby blindfaith » Apr 24, 2020 1:47 pm

This would do for me

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Re: Death service

#8  Postby Ironclad » Apr 24, 2020 2:37 pm

cyberomega wrote:Have you heard of a sky burial Clad? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_burial
Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that's illegal around these parts.
For Van Youngman - see you amongst the stardust, old buddy

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Re: Death service

#9  Postby laklak » Apr 24, 2020 3:08 pm

I don't care what the do with me. Mrs. Lak wants her mortal coil donated to a body farm, there's one just up the road in Pasco county.
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Re: Death service

#10  Postby Aquamate » Apr 24, 2020 3:48 pm

I'm surprised no one has mentioned aquamation (sometimes called water-based cremation). The environmental impact is a pittance of (flame-based) cremation, sky-burial, etc. I've always said I wanted to be thrown in a dumpster on these forums but I was being somewhat tongue-in-cheek as I knew it was illegal. In fact, aquamation is illegal in my province (Alberta) but it's available 'next door' in Saskatchewan and I'm now in contact with a funeral service there and plan to get rid of myself that way. Another (future) possibility is promession (briefly, cryogenic-freezing, vibration to the point of atomization and freeze-drying), but the company went under in 2015, although they're still appointing 'Ambassadors' or representatives around the world.


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Re: Death service

#11  Postby Mike_L » Apr 24, 2020 3:52 pm

Plastination... in a suitably ironic pose of your own (advance) choosing.


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Re: Death service

#12  Postby Svartalf » Apr 24, 2020 4:59 pm

been thinking of death a lot of late, but still can't decide what I want to happen to my cadaver and stuff when I can't enjoy them anymore
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Re: Death service

#13  Postby Ironclad » Apr 24, 2020 7:28 pm

Can I have them? Om nom nom [FACE SAVOURING DELICIOUS FOOD]
For Van Youngman - see you amongst the stardust, old buddy

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Re: Death service

#14  Postby kiore » Apr 24, 2020 8:41 pm

Aquamate wrote:I'm surprised no one has mentioned aquamation (sometimes called water-based cremation). The environmental impact is a pittance of (flame-based) cremation, sky-burial, etc. I've always said I wanted to be thrown in a dumpster on these forums but I was being somewhat tongue-in-cheek as I knew it was illegal. In fact, aquamation is illegal in my province (Alberta) but it's available 'next door' in Saskatchewan and I'm now in contact with a funeral service there and plan to get rid of myself that way. Another (future) possibility is promession (briefly, cryogenic-freezing, vibration to the point of atomization and freeze-drying), but the company went under in 2015, although they're still appointing 'Ambassadors' or representatives around the world.



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Re: Death service

#15  Postby SafeAsMilk » Apr 24, 2020 9:35 pm

Don't really care, they can do whatever comforts them. Wife gets first choice, of course.
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Re: Death service

#16  Postby BrettA » Apr 25, 2020 1:15 am

I'm surprised no one has mentioned aquamation (sometimes called water-based cremation). The environmental impact is a pittance of (flame-based) cremation, sky-burial, etc. I've always said I wanted to be thrown in a dumpster on these forums but I was being tongue-in-cheek as I knew it was illegal. In fact, aquamation is illegal in my province (Alberta) but it's available 'next door' in Saskatchewan and I'm now in contact with a funeral service there and plan to get rid of myself that way (my wife obviously has to agree, but I don't see that as a problem... and there will be no service, just a wake)

Another (future) possibility is promession (briefly, cryogenic-freezing, vibration to the point of atomization and freeze-drying), but the company went under in 2015, although they're still appointing 'Ambassadors' or representatives around the world.
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Re: Death service

#17  Postby BrettA » Apr 25, 2020 1:16 am

OP Coming... Please delete this post, Kiore. TIA. - B
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Re: Death service

#18  Postby The_Metatron » Apr 25, 2020 2:08 pm

theropod_V_2.0 wrote:I want to be burned on a semi trailer sized stack of seasoned hardwood logs, and anyone/everyone that hangs around must get shit faced drunk and stoned out of their minds. Anyone daring to pray, or spout off some spiritual shit gets set upon by everyone else.

RS

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Re: Death service

#19  Postby cyberomega » Apr 25, 2020 8:40 pm

Heard some people have their cremated remains turned into a diamond >< Seems like a massive waste of time and effort. Sort of like a real life soul-shard.
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Re: Death service

#20  Postby Mike_L » Apr 25, 2020 9:44 pm

cyberomega wrote:Heard some people have their cremated remains turned into a diamond >< Seems like a massive waste of time and effort. Sort of like a real life soul-shard.


Very durable, though! :smoke:
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