Hey xtraordinaryevidence, do you have a hobby? If not, maybe finding one will help you out with your other issues (not the girl thing. Though that may help you out in there area too!)

And even if ya do already have a hobby, find another! One can never have to many hobbies. (I'm not ignoring your last post to me, I just think that we're not going to agree on that subject. But that's okay.)

xtraordinaryevidence wrote:but going to bars and nightclubs really irritates me. Way too crowded, you can barely move in some of them, horrible music, and there's no way you can have a conversation.

THIS (and I haven't even gone to a bar or nightclub) except for the part about conversations since I wouldn't want one anyway.

Wiðercora wrote: I have only two friends

Two seems a little numerous to me. I have one who I see every two weeks. Seems about right to be honest.

Wiðercora wrote:I have a tendency to hate...everything, pretty much.

You're not.......me by any chance, are you?

Wiðercora wrote:I considered taking up alchoholism at one point, but the shit you have to go through to cure it put me off.

Plus booze is quite expensive and most of it tastes like shit.

Wiðercora wrote:Apathy and terrification at meeting new people.

Funnily enough I think I once said something to this effect when they said "Pleased to meet you.".

"Oh. That's a bit awkward. I'm entirely neutral to meeting you."

Wiðercora wrote:That last one is a particular hindrance to finding gainful employment (or any kind of employment, for that matter [not that I don't want a job, I'd love to work in a bookshop or something. Maybe I'll run my own bookshop.].).

My "boss" on my recent work experience hinted strongly at this. They're much more likely to give the job to someone who will "fit in".

Wiðercora's signature wrote:The beauty of haiku is simplicity.

No rhyme, no meaning.
Only stupid foreigners
think it's poetry.

(I know there's actually more to haikus than just the syllable count but I'm not going to let the facts get in the way of stylishly insulting foreign cultures dammit!)

surreptitious57 wrote:Spend my time on my own : live alone
and do not work or socialise and have no
interaction therefore with others and shall not
have a girlfriend ever : none of this bothers me
I keep myself busy by reading and writing and studying
I exercise regularly : and spend three hundred and sixty five
days on my todd : it does not bother me : I just keep myself as
busy as I can and value the freedom and independence I have instead
of the companionship and security I would have if I was in a relationship
instead : one should work with what one has rather than with what one wants
I like being alone for it makes me a better individual : we are all alone at the end
of the day : some moreso than others : learn to embrace isolation for you will always be
with yourself but you may not necessarily be with someone else : be alone and revel in it as I
do and as time progresses you may notice that the desire to have a soul mate is not as great as you
once thought : I realise this is but one interpretation but is proof that one can be alone and still function

Well, some of it anyway. I don't exercise or do any reading or writing. I find virtually all subject matters completely boring and a distraction from more important things such as video games

laklak wrote:That's good advice. And always remember, love is so much easier when money changes hands. Trust me on this.

You should consider paying 2 women at once. You could make them have a knife fight! (though that may be somewhat missing the point)

xtraordinaryevidence wrote:Thanks for the tips. I've paid the first month's subscription so I guess I'll leave it there for that long to see what happens, and then probably delete it.

Don't believe him. Dating sites are good. Well, it depends on the dating site. Forget eHarmony. AdultFriendFinder works very well, and OKCupid and SinglesNet work reasonably well. I don't know how it is in your locality, though, but I think that AdultFriendFinder might be big enough.

I know a fair amount about making this stuff work very well, not just dating sites but the whole sexual socialization thing. So I can probably help you do that if you want to send me PM, and it would also help me, as I'm writing an application to help people overcome shyness.

I'm afraid that I don't know much about giving up and deciding that everything is pointless, so I can't help you there. You seem to be doing that well enough on your own, though, if that's what you want.

laklak wrote:

xtraordinaryevidence wrote:

mattwilson wrote:Me thinks you should just tell some women flat out that you just want them to sit on your face... From the off, it shows you're a considerate lover

I wish I could!

That's good advice. And always remember, love is so much easier when money changes hands. Trust me on this.

I've actually been considering this for a while, and it's also been a while. I used to think "to each their own, but not for me", but I've discovered that I can't handle one night stands. I get emotionally attached, and I'm confident that I can't get attached after the direct exchange of money.

Hopefully I'm not running afoul of the FUA here. Actually, I might open a thread in feedback to ask for the rule regarding 'personal sexual issues' to be revised, or removed.

MoonLit wrote:Hey xtraordinaryevidence, do you have a hobby? If not, maybe finding one will help you out with your other issues (not the girl thing. Though that may help you out in there area too!)

Well I'm going into a volunteering centre tomorrow to see what's there. And if I remember, I'll see if I can join the freethinker's student club I was going to join before I dropped out of uni last year.

And even if ya do already have a hobby, find another! One can never have to many hobbies. (I'm not ignoring your last post to me, I just think that we're not going to agree on that subject. But that's okay.)

Definitely not.

Death Zebra wrote:

xtraordinaryevidence wrote:but going to bars and nightclubs really irritates me. Way too crowded, you can barely move in some of them, horrible music, and there's no way you can have a conversation.

THIS (and I haven't even gone to a bar or nightclub) except for the part about conversations since I wouldn't want one anyway.

I've filled my quota for the year!

Death Zebra wrote:

Wiðercora wrote: I have only two friends

Two seems a little numerous to me. I have one who I see every two weeks. Seems about right to be honest.

Wow, I have four actual friends (as opposed to acquaintances and work colleagues). I'm a social butterfly compared to you two. I'm slowly becoming everything I used to hate...

Death Zebra wrote:

Wiðercora wrote:I considered taking up alchoholism at one point, but the shit you have to go through to cure it put me off.

Plus booze is quite expensive and most of it tastes like shit.

Yet another reason not to go into town.

Death Zebra wrote:

Wiðercora wrote:Apathy and terrification at meeting new people.

Funnily enough I think I once said something to this effect when they said "Pleased to meet you.".

"Oh. That's a bit awkward. I'm entirely neutral to meeting you."

Oh man, that's the funniest thing I've read in ages! I hope I remember to use it sometime.

Well, some of it anyway. I don't exercise or do any reading or writing. I find virtually all subject matters completely boring and a distraction from more important things such as video games

Video games are very important.

Death Zebra wrote:

laklak wrote:That's good advice. And always remember, love is so much easier when money changes hands. Trust me on this.

You should consider paying 2 women at once. You could make them have a knife fight! (though that may be somewhat missing the point)

Hopefully their beautiful soft and squishy bodies also miss the point, unless that's your fetish?

epepke wrote:

xtraordinaryevidence wrote:Thanks for the tips. I've paid the first month's subscription so I guess I'll leave it there for that long to see what happens, and then probably delete it.

Don't believe him. Dating sites are good.

Damn it, who do I believe?

Well, it depends on the dating site. Forget eHarmony. AdultFriendFinder works very well, and OKCupid and SinglesNet work reasonably well. I don't know how it is in your locality, though, but I think that AdultFriendFinder might be big enough.

Interesting, I thought AFF was just for sex. I may have a look.

I know a fair amount about making this stuff work very well, not just dating sites but the whole sexual socialization thing. So I can probably help you do that if you want to send me PM, and it would also help me, as I'm writing an application to help people overcome shyness.

I think I've overcome the shyness, or at least the pills are blocking it, but we might be able to help each other anyway.

I'm afraid that I don't know much about giving up and deciding that everything is pointless, so I can't help you there. You seem to be doing that well enough on your own, though, if that's what you want.

Not pointless, just not worth the effort. I was doing quite well with it, that's the problem. I was becoming content with the way things were, apart from the unemployment, so I'm not yet convinced these new developments are for the best.

My friend count is an interesting one

I have lots of freinds, and im very good at pretending i care, but i actually dont. I enjoy social interaction but mainly as the observer or just on the inside though i can easily become the centre of attention as part of my 'socal tool kit' to make me look more normal.

Not sure why i put the effort in to at least appear normal, probably because its actually easier since actually trying to explain to a friend that you really dont care about them generally does not end well and i hate social confrontation/awkwardness since it gets in the way of various thing.

I guess i probably have maybe one true freind, maybe two. Both i only speak to maybe once a week or fortnight, both i almost never see because they are german/french respectively. The latter is my 1st-ex and the former is someone as close to a 'sister' you can think of i guess, not that i know what having a sister is like since mine died (still birth).

Wouldnt stop be fucking them again though

xtraordinaryevidence wrote:Expecting is not the same as hoping.

Ah well, the point is to get rid of any desire entirely to free oneself from pain. No expectations, no hopes, no desires, no pain. The easiest way to do this, is just to distance yourself, sooner or later, you'll forget.

Also, sorry for being a dick in my previous post.

I understand. It's easy for me to say what to do. But, if I was in a similar position, I think I'd be as recalcitrant to change.

Friendzone is really hard on the man self-esteem. It imply that you must accept that a woman you love consider you like not worth her.

I personally can't stand it.

xtraordinaryevidence wrote:

MoonLit wrote:Hey xtraordinaryevidence, do you have a hobby? If not, maybe finding one will help you out with your other issues (not the girl thing. Though that may help you out in there area too!)

Well I'm going into a volunteering centre tomorrow to see what's there. And if I remember, I'll see if I can join the freethinker's student club I was going to join before I dropped out of uni last year.

Sweet! How did that go?
How about some artistic hobbies? Hell, even doodling in a sketch book may help ya out; don't need to be any good, and if you find that you like it, you can get better.

MoonLit wrote:

xtraordinaryevidence wrote:Well I'm going into a volunteering centre tomorrow to see what's there. And if I remember, I'll see if I can join the freethinker's student club I was going to join before I dropped out of uni last year.

Sweet! How did that go?

I've got some contacts, so just have to contact them.

How about some artistic hobbies? Hell, even doodling in a sketch book may help ya out; don't need to be any good, and if you find that you like it, you can get better.

Thanks for the suggestion, but hell no. I'm no good, and it's no fun. I'd rather go to the dentist.

PsYcHoTiC_MaDmAn wrote:I have a knack for finding apt quotes (books/films/tv etc) that reflect what I'm thinking about at the time.

Declaring your true feelings is like going to the dentist, it's no fun at all, but the longer you put it off the worse its likely to be.

Tom Holt, The Portable Door.

Alas I did the other day, and in one way the response was worse than a refusal... She said she'd only just got out of a long relationship and wanted to be single for a while.... but I did go out for coffee with her next day....

still stuck in the friendzone (yup, added just to wind Moonlit up...) with the sort of pointless hope that there might be something there, given it wasn't an out and out refusal (which I had been expecting).

Yes, I'd rather have a straight answer, not be "let down easy". Some are probably just trying to be nice about it, but "I've only just got out of a long relationship and want to be single for a while" could mean either "I don't like you in that way" or "I like you too, but I'm not ready"...

xtraordinaryevidence wrote:

PsYcHoTiC_MaDmAn wrote:I have a knack for finding apt quotes (books/films/tv etc) that reflect what I'm thinking about at the time.

Declaring your true feelings is like going to the dentist, it's no fun at all, but the longer you put it off the worse its likely to be.

Tom Holt, The Portable Door.

Alas I did the other day, and in one way the response was worse than a refusal... She said she'd only just got out of a long relationship and wanted to be single for a while.... but I did go out for coffee with her next day....

still stuck in the friendzone (yup, added just to wind Moonlit up...) with the sort of pointless hope that there might be something there, given it wasn't an out and out refusal (which I had been expecting).

Yes, I'd rather have a straight answer, not be "let down easy". Some are probably just trying to be nice about it, but "I've only just got out of a long relationship and want to be single for a while" could mean either "I don't like you in that way" or "I like you too, but I'm not ready"...

It mean "I don't like you in that way".

MathieuT wrote:

xtraordinaryevidence wrote:

PsYcHoTiC_MaDmAn wrote:I have a knack for finding apt quotes (books/films/tv etc) that reflect what I'm thinking about at the time.

Declaring your true feelings is like going to the dentist, it's no fun at all, but the longer you put it off the worse its likely to be.

Tom Holt, The Portable Door.

Alas I did the other day, and in one way the response was worse than a refusal... She said she'd only just got out of a long relationship and wanted to be single for a while.... but I did go out for coffee with her next day....

still stuck in the friendzone (yup, added just to wind Moonlit up...) with the sort of pointless hope that there might be something there, given it wasn't an out and out refusal (which I had been expecting).

Yes, I'd rather have a straight answer, not be "let down easy". Some are probably just trying to be nice about it, but "I've only just got out of a long relationship and want to be single for a while" could mean either "I don't like you in that way" or "I like you too, but I'm not ready"...

It mean "I don't like you in that way".

Not necessarily. My wife gave me that line when I initially approached her, and it was true--she had been in relationships almost perpetually since she started dating people. I'm sure it does get used most frequently as a gentle let-down line, but it can be hard to tell unfortunately. Only advice I can give is this: if she really does have even the slightest interest in you, seeing you date other people will definitely make her think about it, and gives you an instant boost of desirability. You can smell someone desperate for a date from a mile away, but there is something quite attractive about OPP

xtraordinaryevidence wrote:

Death Zebra wrote:

Wiðercora wrote:Apathy and terrification at meeting new people.

Funnily enough I think I once said something to this effect when they said "Pleased to meet you.".

"Oh. That's a bit awkward. I'm entirely neutral to meeting you."

Oh man, that's the funniest thing I've read in ages! I hope I remember to use it sometime.

You could also try "You're easily pleased!"

Or, if you feel like being particularly awkward you could ask them what particular aspect of meeting you is so pleasant. The conversation will quickly fall apart.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Volunteering has been mentioned in this thread. I've had volunteering recommended to me many times but most annoyingly by some woman in the Job Centre who suggested it repeatedly saying "It's a good way to meet new people.". Correct me if I'm wrong but when you're making a suggestion, shouldn't you be bringing up points in favour of it?

A lot of the volunteer job adverts refer list "buddying" or "befriending" as one of the duties involved. No thanks, it somewhat defeats the objective of getting a job if the duties are actually less enjoyable than starvation.
And besides, I'm trying to get a job as an administrator, not a fucking social worker.

PsYcHoTiC_MaDmAn wrote:

SafeAsMilk wrote:

MathieuT wrote:

xtraordinaryevidence wrote:

Yes, I'd rather have a straight answer, not be "let down easy". Some are probably just trying to be nice about it, but "I've only just got out of a long relationship and want to be single for a while" could mean either "I don't like you in that way" or "I like you too, but I'm not ready"...

It mean "I don't like you in that way".

Not necessarily. My wife gave me that line when I initially approached her, and it was true--she had been in relationships almost perpetually since she started dating people. I'm sure it does get used most frequently as a gentle let-down line, but it can be hard to tell unfortunately. Only advice I can give is this: if she really does have even the slightest interest in you, seeing you date other people will definitely make her think about it, and gives you an instant boost of desirability. You can smell someone desperate for a date from a mile away, but there is something quite attractive about OPP

theres two major problems with that plan.
1: cant get a date.... (kinda major)
2: couldn't do it cause I'd feel like a bastard for manipulating the other persons feelings. plus couldn't date someone if I didn't feel anything for them in the first place.

Dating someone else just to make someone jealous would be a bastard thing to do for sure (and would probably fail miserably), especially shitty if you don't even like the person. I wasn't trying to suggest you should be trying to manipulate anyone. I'm just saying that in my experience, whenever I've been dating someone, all the potentials come out of the woodwork. Whenever I was single, it seemed like nobody wanted to come within a country mile. There's a certain confidence that comes with either 1. you're already dating someone 2. you don't give a shit about dating someone. Don't know about you, but I never had much luck with #2. You say you can't get a date, but is that true? If your circle of friends is wide enough and you keep an open mind about people, I bet you can