It's happening

this title is so clickbait I should be ashamed...

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Re: It's happening

#161  Postby zulumoose » Dec 06, 2018 6:21 am

aban57 wrote:FFS tomorrow. I don't fear the surgery itself, but I admit I'm a little bit scared of the result. I spent the last years trying to convince myself that the result can't be great, so I don't hope too much, but if it's really not good, I don't know how I will take it.
Anyway, see you guys on Saturday.


I don't think FFS is a good way to start the post! It took me a while to catch on to what you meant there.
Good luck, I have no idea what the outcomes are like, but hopefully you can at least either feel more at home with yourself afterwards, or be more empowered to consider it a fresh start.

How long until the swelling/bruising dies down enough to have a fair idea of the result?
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Re: It's happening

#162  Postby Rachel Bronwyn » Dec 06, 2018 6:27 am

The first six weeks will be the most dramatic. The rest happens slowly over many months after surgery. (I'm hoping to get my brow done soon.)
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Re: It's happening

#163  Postby Evolving » Dec 06, 2018 8:19 am

zulumoose wrote:I don't think FFS is a good way to start the post!


It was news to me that Neil deGrasse Tyson was undergoing facial feminisation surgery. Good luck to him, though.

And (this time seriously) to you too, Cindy.
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Re: It's happening

#164  Postby aban57 » Dec 06, 2018 12:12 pm

Surgery was delayed to February because of a fucking administrative problem. Fuck Belgium, fuck this retard country.
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Re: It's happening

#165  Postby Evolving » Dec 06, 2018 1:17 pm

that's devastating
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Re: It's happening

#166  Postby Scot Dutchy » Dec 06, 2018 1:18 pm

Sorry to hear that. Cédric. :confused:
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Re: It's happening

#167  Postby zulumoose » Dec 06, 2018 2:29 pm

aban57 wrote:Surgery was delayed to February because of a fucking administrative problem. Fuck Belgium, fuck this retard country.


Oh FFS! One more Christmas of soap on a rope and Old Spice instead of Yardley and bubble bath.
I hear that buying funky shoes helps....
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Re: It's happening

#168  Postby aban57 » Dec 20, 2018 5:42 pm

Anger and frustration are mostly gone. Only depression remained.
The surgery was delayed because of something that happened 7 fucking years ago. I was still in the French military, and posted close to where I am now, in the NATO base in Mons. In 2011 I got a shoulder surgery. So like any european is supposed to do, I provided to the hospital my european social sercurity card, which I requested before leaving France. But it turns out that this hospital decided they didn't acknowledge those cards, as Belgium apparently allwoed them to. Which means they sent the surgery bill to me, instead of my social security in France, which would have paid it right away. When I received it, I thought it was just a copy, so I didn't do anything. Why would they send me a bill I don't have to pay ? It's just fucking stupid. Then I went back to France and forgot about that.
And on that Thursday, when I went to that other hospital (but part of the same group) they told me "Sorry, we can't take you, you have an unpaid bill." So now, as a Christmas gift, I have a 2100 euros bill to pay.
Then I told them my current situation was different, that my belgian insurrance company would cover the cost of the new surgery. We called them right away, and it turns out this surgery can sometimes be considered plastic, which they don't pay for. So they need a medical report from the surgeon to accept covering the cost. Those reports are usually written after the surgery, but in that case, my surgeon wrote me one specifically for the insurance company, using the right codes, to make sure they accept it. I was supposed to send it before the surgery, but I didn't because they were already causing me trouble to pay for the vaginoplasty, and told me they wouldn't take any case before this one is solved.

So the FFS is on the 7th Feb, and the colovaginoplasty, the surgery that will correct my current problems after the vainoplasty, will happen sometimes in april, or after.

As if all this were not enough, those delays cause me problems at work. I work on software development projects, and each one takes months. It's impossible to find me some work to do for just one month. But I'm supposed to go back to work in January, until the FFS. My employer (remember, I'm a consultant, so my employer and where I actually work every day are 2 different companies) would like me to stay on sick leave until the FFS. I don't like it, but it might be the best thing to do. Especially considering my current mental state.
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Re: It's happening

#169  Postby zulumoose » Dec 20, 2018 6:08 pm

Sorry to hear you have such a lot of complications to deal with. That new surgery sounds like a huge hurdle by itself. No wonder you are feeling depressed.
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Re: It's happening

#170  Postby Rachel Bronwyn » Dec 21, 2018 11:29 am

I'm sorry there have been so many complications following the procedure. :( Colovaginoplasty is extremely reliable though. Complications following penile inversion and large skin graft vaginoplasties are so common. Hopefully it goes off without a hitch in April and the facial surgery is long behind you.
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Re: It's happening

#171  Postby aban57 » Dec 21, 2018 12:53 pm

The colovaginoplasty does't scar me. On the contrary, I was hoping we would go for it, as it's the solution to my problems. I just hoped it would come earlier, but I can live with that. Most of the job is done anyway, the "only" thing they have to do is remove the back of my current cavity, and replace it by a part of the colon. Big job for the surgeons, but rather low impact for me, especially compared to the vaginoplasty.

No, the depression is caused by the big hit on the head I got on that day, which relates to this, from the "motivation loss" topic :

aban57 wrote:After a few visits with the shrink, we seem to have identified the source of the problem.
Years back, after some love stories ended badly (or didn't start, to be more precise), I realized that I had to put a hold on what I felt, because I suffered too much afterwards. Over the years, I learnt to control what I felt when I was with a girl I liked. It wasn't very hard, after all, I had already learnt to control this anger that my mother transmitted me.
[...]
So basically, my subconscious found it so convenient that it slowly extended this no-feeling policy to everything, leading to the current situation, where I even have trouble to answer the question "what makes you happy ?".

Getting out of this will be very difficult.


This depression started 3 years ago, after the thing with my "sister". I was so happy at first, and then suffered a lot from it. And now, the most important day of my life, the beginning of my new life, that i've been expecting for years, ruined because some asshole didn't do his job 7 years ago. This will have long-term consequences.
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Re: It's happening

#172  Postby aban57 » Feb 10, 2019 4:04 pm

Came back from the surgery last night. It's been close, the hospital blackmailed me into paying this bill until the last minute, which I finally did. First day at the hospital afte rthe surgery on Thursday was hard. Now it's more manageable, just very inconvenient. Lower lip is falling down, so I'm drooling all the time, and it's still a bit hard to swallow.
Oh and Belgium didn't know about the invention of Visa apparently, so I couldn't get my medecine today.
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Re: It's happening

#173  Postby Skinny Puppy » Feb 11, 2019 3:43 pm

aban57 wrote:The colovaginoplasty does't scar me. On the contrary, I was hoping we would go for it, as it's the solution to my problems. I just hoped it would come earlier, but I can live with that. Most of the job is done anyway, the "only" thing they have to do is remove the back of my current cavity, and replace it by a part of the colon. Big job for the surgeons, but rather low impact for me, especially compared to the vaginoplasty.

No, the depression is caused by the big hit on the head I got on that day, which relates to this, from the "motivation loss" topic :

aban57 wrote:After a few visits with the shrink, we seem to have identified the source of the problem.
Years back, after some love stories ended badly (or didn't start, to be more precise), I realized that I had to put a hold on what I felt, because I suffered too much afterwards. Over the years, I learnt to control what I felt when I was with a girl I liked. It wasn't very hard, after all, I had already learnt to control this anger that my mother transmitted me.
[...]
So basically, my subconscious found it so convenient that it slowly extended this no-feeling policy to everything, leading to the current situation, where I even have trouble to answer the question "what makes you happy ?".

Getting out of this will be very difficult.


This depression started 3 years ago, after the thing with my "sister". I was so happy at first, and then suffered a lot from it. And now, the most important day of my life, the beginning of my new life, that i've been expecting for years, ruined because some asshole didn't do his job 7 years ago. This will have long-term consequences.


I truly hope that you get over your depression. I had it some years back and had to go on medication to get rid of it. My GP said that it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain, at least in my case it was. Thankfully I had the support of my wife, doctor and a friend on this forum who really helped me with moral support and advice. We spoke quite often via PMs and on Skype.

This will have long-term consequences.


I know that it’s easy to say, but you have to put that behind you. There’s a saying that is helpful.

Holding onto resentment or anger is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

It would help to lean on family/friends or many people on this forum that you’ve made (virtual) friends with. Talking about depression really helps.

You’ve received an awful lot of support in this thread. I’m sure that many of the members that have contributed to it would be more than willing to offer you one-on-one (PM) support which would give you the opportunity to open up, which, from my own experience really, really helped. :thumbup:
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Re: It's happening

#174  Postby The_Metatron » Feb 11, 2019 3:52 pm

Get a nice bandanna to soak up that drooling. You'll have the added benefit of looking like a drooling cowboy.
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Re: It's happening

#175  Postby aban57 » Feb 11, 2019 4:43 pm

Skinny Puppy wrote:
I know that it’s easy to say, but you have to put that behind you. There’s a saying that is helpful.

Holding onto resentment or anger is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

It would help to lean on family/friends or many people on this forum that you’ve made (virtual) friends with. Talking about depression really helps.


That's from Batman begins ! :lol: I don't have this problem however. I don't feel resentment or anger for all that happened to me, not even with my parents. I realized rather early in life that these things serve no purpose, and only destroys you and everyone around you.
But when you get hit repeatedly, you mind will put itself in a state that, in the end, is more harmful than good. That's what happens here.

Skinny Puppy wrote:
You’ve received an awful lot of support in this thread.

Oh yeahh :) And I'm very thankful to everyone. :thumbup:

The_Metatron wrote:Get a nice bandanna to soak up that drooling. You'll have the added benefit of looking like a drooling cowboy.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Actually it's part of the healing process. I'm seeing the surgeon tomorrow and he will give me rubber bands to help with that, help the muscles start doing their job again, but I still have to wait until then. But with this and my nose still being congested, I have a very dry mouth all the time, despite all the water I drink. Keeps me awake at night. Now I could get my meds, I can apply some vaseline to help.
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Re: It's happening

#176  Postby Mike_L » Feb 11, 2019 7:04 pm

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Re: It's happening

#177  Postby aban57 » Feb 11, 2019 9:06 pm

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Re: It's happening

#178  Postby Cito di Pense » Feb 12, 2019 10:24 am

Хлопнут без некролога. -- Серге́й Па́влович Королёв

Translation by Elbert Hubbard: Do not take life too seriously. You're not going to get out of it alive.
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