Local churches going online during pandemic

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Local churches going online during pandemic

#1  Postby The_Metatron » Apr 10, 2020 3:26 pm

Lewis County Area Churches - This Easter Hope is Not Cancelled

Well, why not? When you sell vaporware, the internet is perfectly suitable to deliver it!

I don't understand how they can still manage to sell that vaporware, when that vaporware is supposed to protect you from the thing that made them close the churches in the first place because their vaporware offers no actual protection whatsoever.

Going online to sell shit that doesn't work and costs nothing to make. It seems I've solved it.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#2  Postby felltoearth » Apr 10, 2020 3:28 pm

They’ve been broadcasting Mass on TV here since early March. I’m thankful for that because it was the one thing I was worryingly about where my parents are concerned. It’s one of the only reasons they leave home.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#3  Postby laklak » Apr 10, 2020 3:46 pm

Our God is a Mighty God!

Never understood that. For one he's pretty fucking useless, can't even stop a little bitty virus. My wife crocheted a face mask that does a better job than the fucking Master of the Universe. Doesn't look like all the prayer in the world is as good as a 70% solution of ethanol. Second, I thought he was supposed to be the only one, that implies there are others, some of whom could even be mightier. If anyone knows who the Big Kahuna is and how to placate the cunt let me know. I've burned a few incense sticks to Ganesh and I don't have the 'Rona, so maybe that's working.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#4  Postby Alan B » Apr 10, 2020 4:34 pm

Lak, why isn't your avatar wearing a face mask? I have to keep sterilizing the screen every time I look at it... :shifty: :whistle:
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#5  Postby Svartalf » Apr 10, 2020 4:36 pm

Yeah, the church is on the move, yesterday, I got cold called by a catholic tv network that wanted to mooch off me.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#6  Postby Svartalf » Apr 10, 2020 4:40 pm

laklak wrote:Our God is a Mighty God!

Never understood that. For one he's pretty fucking useless, can't even stop a little bitty virus. My wife crocheted a face mask that does a better job than the fucking Master of the Universe. Doesn't look like all the prayer in the world is as good as a 70% solution of ethanol. Second, I thought he was supposed to be the only one, that implies there are others, some of whom could even be mightier. If anyone knows who the Big Kahuna is and how to placate the cunt let me know. I've burned a few incense sticks to Ganesh and I don't have the 'Rona, so maybe that's working.

That's one of my favorite argument against pascal's wager... the whole thing hinges on you knowing the right god to worship, and the right way to please it, or you whole hypocritical conversion is for naught.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#7  Postby laklak » Apr 10, 2020 5:58 pm

I like Ganesha. If you're going to have a god, a 5 headed elephant with 10 arms beats shit out of an invisible sky daddy.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. - Mark Twain
The sky is falling! The sky is falling! - Chicken Little
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#8  Postby Rachel Bronwyn » Apr 10, 2020 6:04 pm

felltoearth wrote:They’ve been broadcasting Mass on TV here since early March. I’m thankful for that because it was the one thing I was worryingly about where my parents are concerned. It’s one of the only reasons they leave home.


Yep. I think it's great.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#9  Postby Svartalf » Apr 10, 2020 6:15 pm

what's new with that? here, we've had the sunday mass on tv, and religious programming on sunday mornings for about 50 years, if not more. My grandma watched that religiously when she no longer was up to personally going to church.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#10  Postby OlivierK » Apr 10, 2020 8:26 pm

laklak wrote:I like Ganesha. If you're going to have a god, a 5 headed elephant with 10 arms beats shit out of an invisible sky daddy.

Plus, Ganesh is a dude. Removing obstacles from the paths of the righteous, and putting them in the path of assholes instead. What's not to like? Like most gods, he would be better only if he didn't so much time sacking off from his work.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#11  Postby laklak » Apr 10, 2020 8:31 pm

An Archbishop in Rome wants a mass exorcism to get rid of corona virus. Why does anyone take these fucking fools seriously? Why doesn't everyone just point and laugh?

https://www.foxnews.com/world/coronavirus-prayer-exorcism-catholic-archbishop-holy-week

"In these modern times of terrible tribulation, when the pandemic has deprived Catholics of Holy Mass and the Sacraments, the Evil One has gone into a frenzy and multiplied his attacks to tempt souls into sin," Viganò wrote in a letter shared by LifeSiteNews. "These blessed days of Holy Week, which used to be the ideal time to go to Confession to prepare ourselves for our Easter Communion, now see us locked inside our houses, but they cannot stop us praying to Our Lord."

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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#12  Postby Svartalf » Apr 10, 2020 9:52 pm

Bad point Laklak, quoting the Onion as news is not allowed.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#13  Postby The_Piper » Apr 10, 2020 11:03 pm

Let us all light a cigar for Joboo, and Joboo will take care of us.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#14  Postby Fenrir » Apr 11, 2020 1:42 am

Won't work.

All the other sheep won't know you did it and won't see you putting monies in the plate and won't see how tight you are with the boss scammer and won't see how much more betterer and morallier and righteouser you are than them.

Without the opportunity for social preening it's just tedious bullshit and while many may have a look few will persist.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#15  Postby laklak » Apr 11, 2020 1:53 am

:this:

Lots of angst here about Easter. Many churches are ignoring lockdown and opening for services. Assholes. Fucking moronic assholes. I just don't understand ground apes, I really don't. It's all too fucking stupid for words.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#16  Postby Alan B » Apr 11, 2020 11:05 am

Exorcism? The morons will perform it now and when the virus abates in a few months they'll say: "See? Exorcism is wot diddit."

They will do anything to try to maintain control over the gullible.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#17  Postby Cito di Pense » Apr 11, 2020 11:10 am

Alan B wrote:Exorcism? The morons will perform it now and when the virus abates in a few months they'll say: "See? Exorcism is wot diddit."

They will do anything to try to maintain control over the gullible.


Whatever you do, don't blame it on the gullible. It's not as if there's only a few.
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Translation by Elbert Hubbard: Do not take life too seriously. You're not going to get out of it alive.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#18  Postby The_Metatron » Apr 11, 2020 4:50 pm

Fenrir wrote:Won't work.

All the other sheep won't know you did it and won't see you putting monies in the plate and won't see how tight you are with the boss scammer and won't see how much more betterer and morallier and righteouser you are than them.

Without the opportunity for social preening it's just tedious bullshit and while many may have a look few will persist.

That's a hell of a good observation.
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#19  Postby OlivierK » Apr 11, 2020 10:14 pm

Yes, it is. :nod:

Still, there's one demographic that it might work for: families with young kids who can watch an online service together. Still plenty of opportunities for virtue signalling there (by kids to parents, parents to kids, parents to each other...).
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Re: Local churches going online during pandemic

#20  Postby NineBerry » Apr 11, 2020 10:48 pm

Is it okay to watch in your Pyjamas or does God want you to dress up in your Sunday clothes?
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