What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#61  Postby heyjude » May 01, 2010 11:02 am

So - the first time I meet my (future) father-in-law, he comes to stay with us in Bombay. Me a little nervous... not knowing how Indian parents can be (or rather knowing, and hoping in this case it won't be as bad as that..haha!). Anyway, I have to spend a couple of weekdays alone with him while my boyfriend is at work, so it's just me and 'Papa' at home.

I had always known he had his own very weird beliefs, but I had no idea *what* they were! He's not a hindu, something different that he has made up on his own. He has his own 'spirit' that advises him (he makes all sorts of weird movements and mumbles silent stuff when he's consulting him), and.. get this... this deity is a snake... from... oh yes... Atlantis! Anyway, he gets told all sorts of things you have to do to affect particular events in your life (the snake tells him what exactly) - like take coins you have 'charged' with your bad energy and give them to a begger, or burn incense and put a bit of the ash on your tongue and forehead while repeating a mantra, or eat dried fruit you have done rituals over... all that kind of stuff.

But it got really loopy when he told me that this snake fellow is helping to bring about the destruction of all mankind - full on End Times stuff. We all have to pray to him to be one of the 144 lakh (144,000) that will be saved (talk about mixing up yer woo!) and there will be bodies everywhere afterwards so it will be tough! It's nothing to do with being a good person, it's only if you beleeeeve! He said Hitler was a good person, just doing god's will killing off people that had to die anyway (I'm not sure how he explains the fact that the End didn't happen in their projected natural lifetimes). Yikes... Hitler a good guy? At this point... I am freaking out inside and feeling pretty upset, but I can't say anything - I've only just met him. Plus - this is India - it's just a whole different ballgame!

There was funny stuff too - like a little girl that always sits on his lap or shoulder talking to him all the time - and he can see her. Okay ;) Whatever you say. Does she go to the loo with you as well?? And the best was that the aurora borealis is caused by a race of creatures that are deep down inside the core of the planet... and they have a hole at the north pole that lets the light out and causes the aurora. Yep.. oh boy. Sigh... Brian Cox would love it :cheers:

So of course, I didn't start believing as he hoped, and in fact, my (now) husband discovered science and became an atheist, which his Dad said was more hurtful than when his wife died!! :nono: Actually, he doesn't even really know he's an atheist - he just knows he won't do all the meaningless ritual anymore, and that is bad. :naughty2:

I'll never forget those days though... I've never heard anything like it. It was very unnerving.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#62  Postby King David » May 01, 2010 5:15 pm

heyjude wrote:So - the first time I meet my (future) father-in-law, he comes to stay with us in Bombay. Me a little nervous... not knowing how Indian parents can be (or rather knowing, and hoping in this case it won't be as bad as that..haha!). Anyway, I have to spend a couple of weekdays alone with him while my boyfriend is at work, so it's just me and 'Papa' at home.

I had always known he had his own very weird beliefs, but I had no idea *what* they were! He's not a hindu, something different that he has made up on his own. He has his own 'spirit' that advises him (he makes all sorts of weird movements and mumbles silent stuff when he's consulting him), and.. get this... this deity is a snake... from... oh yes... Atlantis! Anyway, he gets told all sorts of things you have to do to affect particular events in your life (the snake tells him what exactly) - like take coins you have 'charged' with your bad energy and give them to a begger, or burn incense and put a bit of the ash on your tongue and forehead while repeating a mantra, or eat dried fruit you have done rituals over... all that kind of stuff.

But it got really loopy when he told me that this snake fellow is helping to bring about the destruction of all mankind - full on End Times stuff. We all have to pray to him to be one of the 144 lakh (144,000) that will be saved (talk about mixing up yer woo!) and there will be bodies everywhere afterwards so it will be tough! It's nothing to do with being a good person, it's only if you beleeeeve! He said Hitler was a good person, just doing god's will killing off people that had to die anyway (I'm not sure how he explains the fact that the End didn't happen in their projected natural lifetimes). Yikes... Hitler a good guy? At this point... I am freaking out inside and feeling pretty upset, but I can't say anything - I've only just met him. Plus - this is India - it's just a whole different ballgame!

There was funny stuff too - like a little girl that always sits on his lap or shoulder talking to him all the time - and he can see her. Okay ;) Whatever you say. Does she go to the loo with you as well?? And the best was that the aurora borealis is caused by a race of creatures that are deep down inside the core of the planet... and they have a hole at the north pole that lets the light out and causes the aurora. Yep.. oh boy. Sigh... Brian Cox would love it :cheers:

So of course, I didn't start believing as he hoped, and in fact, my (now) husband discovered science and became an atheist, which his Dad said was more hurtful than when his wife died!! :nono: Actually, he doesn't even really know he's an atheist - he just knows he won't do all the meaningless ritual anymore, and that is bad. :naughty2:

I'll never forget those days though... I've never heard anything like it. It was very unnerving.


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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#63  Postby Paul Almond » May 01, 2010 9:55 pm

Just a few statements by graduates from the academy of the bewilderered with advanced qualifications in not knowing what is going on.

"In hellyour head will hang from a hook in hell, alive"

"atheist hell is the worst they have no satan or prophets"
(I find that one weird: I sort of imagine myself in hell, shouting "I demand my Satan! What sort of hell is this?")

"jesus stopped the second worldwar i could been a n murder myself i now the dewil is a murder dont jesus dont jesus christianity is not copy not not not not not you manipulate you manipulate landon you manipulate you dont needd to shout because i beliewe i love you you v cant love me why"

"ufo's are real fallen angels, taking on flesh like they have done since genesis 6"

If there was no god, according to one theist:
"ALL YOUR FECES WOULD GATHER UP INSIDE OF YOU AND SEEP OUT OF YOUR PORES"

"a while a go there was a scientific semonar in africa i think wondering about some kind of plant having vibrations and no one was able to explain what they could be until a muslim scientist got up and told them that these are a sign of the plants praying to GOD"
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#64  Postby blasphemer_number1 » May 01, 2010 11:17 pm

You don't have to tune into a Xian radio station for long to find some crazy crap.

Today I heard them talking about drug use being an invitation for demonic possession -- they cited how people had claimed they heard growling, saw lights, etc...; they hear accounts of people blown out of their minds on drugs and use that as evidence of demonic possession. For my money, there are always more rational explanations for these things -- the drug user's consciousness is altered -- maybe he hears the neighbor speaking next door, the radio in the next room, or perhaps some neural passageway has been temporarily changed and an auditory memory is evoked... whatever the case, these descriptions are a whole lot more believable, more treatable, more real and a lot less sensational than demonic possession.

Within 5 minutes of the above, I heard them talking about Charles Darwin; citing his bad health as flying in the face of a belief they claim he had of being super-human/super-evolved -- something I'm pretty sure that he never claimed. I was worried the car in the lane next to me would wonder why I kept shouting "bullshit" while driving. OMG -- the idiocy!
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#65  Postby Gawdzilla » May 02, 2010 1:17 am

"Life after People" is about the Earth after the Rapture.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#66  Postby savvy » May 02, 2010 4:38 am

Crazy things I've heard fundamentalist Christians say:

[From one very overweight Christian lady] "I don't need to diet. Being overweight just means that there's more of me to worship Jesus."

[From my born-again Christian mother-in-law] Years ago, I asked her what she thought about God not intervening in suffering. She asked, "What suffering are you talking about." I said, "Are you serious? Just look all around you. People suffering from terrible diseases, children being abducted, raped, and killed, people suffering from natural disasters such as tornadoes, hurricanes, etc." She said, "Oh. Well when our children were growing up, we just prayed the blood of Jesus on our house, and our children were all healthy." It's true that up until that point in her life, none of her children had ever suffered from any sort of serious disease. Now, though, at the age of 75, she has Alzheimers and no longer recognizes her husband or any of her five children. It makes me really sad to see her in this state, but I have to confess that at times I want to ask her arrogant husband why "praying the blood of Jesus on their house" didn't seem to work this time around.

[From my born-again Christian, former Methodist pastor, father-in-law] His wife (the woman mentioned above) once told me a story about a little boy who came with his single mother to visit them one day. In order to entertain the little boy (who was apparently 3 or 4 at the time), they had the brilliant (not!) idea of setting up some kind of ladder in their front yard for the child to climb on. As the three adults were chatting and allowing the little boy to play on the ladder, they heard a scream. The ladder collapsed in on itself (surprise, surprise) and the child's finger was caught inside it. An ambulance was called, but in the meantime, half of the child's finger was severed and was not able to be reattached through surgery. When I looked at my father-in-law in horror, he said to me, "His finger grew back." Since I didn't want to start a fight, I didn't say a word, but I sure would have liked to have asked him for a picture of that one.

[From a Christian guy I used to debate online (a Calvinist) who was in seminary after obtaining a degree in philosophy.] I once asked him why God would create me (or someone like me) knowing that he intended to subject me to eternal torment. I said, "What am I? God's garbage?" He said, "You are not garbage. You have never been garbage. You never will be garbage. Every person is valuable to God. In your case, it may be that God is going to use you to bring someone else to know Christ." It's funny. At first, I thought he was trying to say that he thought that I was valuable in the sense that I was precious to God or that God loved me. However, when he added the part about using me to bring someone else to "know Christ," I realized that what he was really saying was that he believed I was "valuable" or "loved" by God in the same way that a toilet is valuable or "loved by" someone who desperately needs to relieve himself. Given that context of being "valuable," being garbage would be a step up. What he was really trying to say is that he saw me as less than garbage. Gotta love the "good news" of the Gospel.

[From the same seminary student mentioned above] When asked how eternal torment could be an act of love, he said, "It's an act of love because God is keeping the people in hell alive, and he is not increasing their punishment, as he justly could."

[From a Christian woman who is a member of my husband's church and who had asked our then eight-year-old daughter to pray for her] When I asked her about it, she said, "I always ask children to pray for things that are really important because I figure God is more likely to answer their prayers than he is to answer the prayers of an adult."
Last edited by savvy on May 02, 2010 6:36 am, edited 8 times in total.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#67  Postby heyjude » May 02, 2010 4:50 am

savvy wrote:
[From a Christian woman who is a member of my husband's church and who had asked our then eight-year-old daughter to pray for her] When I asked her about it, she said, "I always ask children to pray for things that are really important because I figure God is more likely to answer their prayers than he is to answer the prayers of an adult."



omg.. that is fucked up!! :yuk: :yuk:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#68  Postby savvy » May 02, 2010 4:56 am

heyjude wrote:
savvy wrote:
[From a Christian woman who is a member of my husband's church and who had asked our then eight-year-old daughter to pray for her] When I asked her about it, she said, "I always ask children to pray for things that are really important because I figure God is more likely to answer their prayers than he is to answer the prayers of an adult."



omg.. that is fucked up!! :yuk: :yuk:


Yep. I was pretty disgusted, to say the least.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#69  Postby GenesForLife » May 02, 2010 5:18 am

natselrox wrote:I had a funny conversation with one of my classmates last week. (I don't even remember his name. :lol:)

Him: "Well, when a car crashes and one out four passengers die... How do you explain that without God?"
Me: "WTF?"
Him: "Tell me, tell me, how do you explain that?"
Me: "Fuck off."


Distribution of physical and mechanical forces to a greater extent, resulting in more greivous bodily harm on the one who dies, with God, how does the bugger explain the car crashing in the first place? :mrgreen:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#70  Postby savvy » May 02, 2010 5:33 am

heyjude wrote:
. . .

So of course, I didn't start believing as he hoped, and in fact, my (now) husband discovered science and became an atheist, which his Dad said was more hurtful than when his wife died!! :nono: Actually, he doesn't even really know he's an atheist - he just knows he won't do all the meaningless ritual anymore, and that is bad. :naughty2:



That's really sad, but it just shows how important it is to religious people that other people AGREE with them. In Christianity, it's so important to Christians that people agree with them about God that they actually create detailed fantasies about non-believers being eternally tormented in hell. According to conservative Christians, a person can be forgiven and go straight to heaven no matter what he's done, as long as before he draws that last breath, he admits that he was wrong and all the Christians were right! In fact, most Christians have no trouble believing that someone like Hitler (that "good person" your father-in-law referred to, haha) could be in heaven while little Anne Frank could be in hell. Christians believe that a rapist could be in heaven while the rapists's victims could be in hell. Why? Because in Christianity it doesn't matter what a person does, it only matters what a person believes. According to evangelical Christians, heaven will be filled with pedophiles, bank robbers, child abusers, rapists, wife-beaters, murderers, and jackasses galore. Noticeably absent in heaven, however, will be thinking people who failed to believe during their earthly lives as the Christians told them they should believe. The one "sin" Christians (and the Christian God) cannot forgive is failure to believe. Kind of shows you what drives their religious fervor. It's all about ego.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#71  Postby I.C.37 » May 02, 2010 6:53 am

Paul Almond wrote:
If there was no god, according to one theist:
"ALL YOUR FECES WOULD GATHER UP INSIDE OF YOU AND SEEP OUT OF YOUR PORES"

Wait... what? :scratch: :doh:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#72  Postby virphen » May 02, 2010 7:10 am

I.C.37 wrote:
Paul Almond wrote:
If there was no god, according to one theist:
"ALL YOUR FECES WOULD GATHER UP INSIDE OF YOU AND SEEP OUT OF YOUR PORES"

Wait... what? :scratch: :doh:


2nd law of Thermodynamics :nod:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#73  Postby Gawdzilla » May 02, 2010 11:31 am

GenesForLife wrote:
natselrox wrote:I had a funny conversation with one of my classmates last week. (I don't even remember his name. :lol:)

Him: "Well, when a car crashes and one out four passengers die... How do you explain that without God?"
Me: "WTF?"
Him: "Tell me, tell me, how do you explain that?"
Me: "Fuck off."


Distribution of physical and mechanical forces to a greater extent, resulting in more greivous bodily harm on the one who dies, with God, how does the bugger explain the car crashing in the first place? :mrgreen:

Or three of them were smart enough to wear seat belts.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#74  Postby natselrox » May 02, 2010 12:08 pm

Gawdzilla wrote:
GenesForLife wrote:
natselrox wrote:I had a funny conversation with one of my classmates last week. (I don't even remember his name. :lol:)

Him: "Well, when a car crashes and one out four passengers die... How do you explain that without God?"
Me: "WTF?"
Him: "Tell me, tell me, how do you explain that?"
Me: "Fuck off."


Distribution of physical and mechanical forces to a greater extent, resulting in more greivous bodily harm on the one who dies, with God, how does the bugger explain the car crashing in the first place? :mrgreen:

Or three of them were smart enough to wear seat belts.


The conversation ended in a funnier way. After a while, he started shouting, "Shy the hell would God make you aware of his presence? What have you done to deserve it?" and so on. To which, I started shouting, "Well, I just want the motherfucker to strike me dead NOW." And then I started to abuse his imaginary friend in the worst way possible. This further pissed him and he was probably going to hit me. But having a larger mass and stronger friends saved me. The guy still avoids eye-contact with me in college!
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#75  Postby Gawdzilla » May 02, 2010 12:22 pm

natselrox wrote:
Gawdzilla wrote:
GenesForLife wrote:
natselrox wrote:I had a funny conversation with one of my classmates last week. (I don't even remember his name. :lol:)

Him: "Well, when a car crashes and one out four passengers die... How do you explain that without God?"
Me: "WTF?"
Him: "Tell me, tell me, how do you explain that?"
Me: "Fuck off."


Distribution of physical and mechanical forces to a greater extent, resulting in more greivous bodily harm on the one who dies, with God, how does the bugger explain the car crashing in the first place? :mrgreen:

Or three of them were smart enough to wear seat belts.


The conversation ended in a funnier way. After a while, he started shouting, "Shy the hell would God make you aware of his presence? What have you done to deserve it?" and so on. To which, I started shouting, "Well, I just want the motherfucker to strike me dead NOW." And then I started to abuse his imaginary friend in the worst way possible. This further pissed him and he was probably going to hit me. But having a larger mass and stronger friends saved me. The guy still avoids eye-contact with me in college!

God saved you from a terrible fate there, my friend. :smile:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#76  Postby natselrox » May 02, 2010 12:23 pm

Praise the lard!
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#77  Postby blasphemer_number1 » May 03, 2010 1:42 am

http://www.gotquestions.org/ -- Christian site with answers to all your questions... umm...
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#78  Postby Gawdzilla » May 03, 2010 1:47 am

Everything VenomfangX said in everyone of his vidiot productions.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#79  Postby blasphemer_number1 » May 04, 2010 4:47 am

I help my wife's uncle with computer issues he has. The last time I helped him we got on the topic of what we would like to have done with our remains after we die; when he asked me, I said, "I think I'd like to be cremated" -- thinking of the space requirements and other logistics. He replied, "not for me; that'd be too much like hell." I replied, "but you won't be alive to feel it." ... I forget what else went down, but I know that he married a Southern Baptist and that he believes after the rapture that he's going to get his old body back (and I guess worm holes are better than ashes)... Bah... I'd wonder what madness I had married into; but I live in the bible belt of America... so, it is somewhat inevitable.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#80  Postby Kaleid » May 04, 2010 2:53 pm

Don't the X and Y chromosomes prove that a man was first, and a woman was second?
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