What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

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What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#1  Postby blasphemer_number1 » Apr 22, 2010 11:19 pm

Believers say a lot of crazy things -- moreover it is often laughable the things they believe and that they would have you believe. Being raised Christian, I have a few things to offer, but I don't think anyone responding to this need to constrain their responses to Christianity, Islam, Judaism, or any other subset of the world religions. I'm naturally more familiar with Christianity than any other religion, and that is the religion of most of my neighbors/peers.

So besides the usual run of the mill stuff like the global flood and crazy miracles of the old testament, I can vividly recall one youth group meeting I attended in college (I was undecided then, but I'm firmly an unbeliever now). The leader repeatedly insisted that every knock at the door, every ring of the telephone, every distant siren, and literally every distraction while we were meeting was Satan trying to keep us from God's work and God's message. How then, I wonder, were we to describe the purpose of distractions in secular situations? Does every happening really mandate a purpose?

So, please share the craziness that believers have tried to sell you over the years; the crazier the better.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#2  Postby Invictus_88 » Apr 22, 2010 11:24 pm

From a Catholic girl, on being asked how she squares her left-wing politics with her Catholic conscience;

"My Marxism is my Catholic conscience!"
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#3  Postby Animavore » Apr 22, 2010 11:26 pm

"There used to be giants years ago according to the Bible".

"Bollox"

"There were. How else do you think they made the pyramids?"


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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#4  Postby Byron » Apr 23, 2010 12:04 am

Dinosaurs in Genesis, tho' that's probably a common one.

Rubbish. We all know they were morganucodonta who'd overdone it on the pies.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#5  Postby Oldskeptic » Apr 23, 2010 12:07 am

There are just too many but here are a few:

Hi, we’ve come to bring you the good news, the end is near.

An actual conversation with a woman from Brazil in a bar at the Indianapolis Ramada Inn:
Her: You can’t be an atheist, you have to believe in something, what do you believe in?
Me: Science, reason, logic.
Her: I mean something real.

This one really floored me, it came from a woman that was at a family party that I had never met, but was a part of the extended family on the inlaw’s side:

“God took my baby away to make me a better Christian. I believe that Christ is my lord and savior and that I will be with my baby again in heaven. It is his plan.”

I should mention that she was a bit tipsy at the time and didn’t start speaking in tongues until after the third or fourth tray of tequila-lime Jello shooters had made it’s rounds. After that she started making more sense.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#6  Postby Sityl » Apr 23, 2010 12:16 am

Oldskeptic wrote:“God took my baby away to make me a better Christian. I believe that Christ is my lord and savior and that I will be with my baby again in heaven. It is his plan.”


I'd ask why she has a sadomasochistic relationship with her imaginary friend and what she thinks that means about her mental health. I'd then tell her that if she'd pledge her undying loyalty to me, I'd be willing to occasionally destroy the things that are of the utmost importance to her, just to help her remember how loyal she needs to be to me.
Stephen Colbert wrote:Now, like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence - 'There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.'


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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#7  Postby mmmcheezy » Apr 23, 2010 12:24 am

How about the following exchange?
My husband had joined some group on facebook trying to get 1,000,000 people who believe in evolution or something, and I commented on it and said "it's real, get over it." Then a complete STRANGER proceeded to argue with me!

Here's the screen shots [Leonardo is my husband, I'm red Samantha, and she's purple Samantha]:
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http://www.rantingnraging.tumblr.com

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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#8  Postby Happy Heretic » Apr 23, 2010 12:34 am

I went out with a christian girl many years ago. I asked her what was her most convincing proof that god exists. Her reply was 'answered prayer'. I then asked if god answered all her prayers and she replied 'no'. I mean where do you go from there.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#9  Postby josephchoi » Apr 23, 2010 12:35 am

:coffee:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#10  Postby Tero » Apr 23, 2010 12:48 am

Original sin.

"Jesus died for our sins."

I bet Jesus did not know that. Only his editors know.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#11  Postby blasphemer_number1 » Apr 23, 2010 1:31 am

Tero wrote:Original sin.

"Jesus died for our sins."

I bet Jesus did not know that. Only his editors know.


Considering that Judas had to ID Jesus for the Romans, one has to wonder whether Jesus was really a willing volunteer. It's also been said before, but I'll echo again; if Jesus was god, who was he trying to impress with his sacrifice? If God wanted to forgive mankind, why not just forgive? ...and anyway, if it were even possible in modern day law, what a great idea it is to have an innocent person to serve a guilty person's sentence; leaving a possibly ungrateful criminal free to continue committing crime.

mmmcheezy wrote:How about the following exchange?
My husband had joined some group on facebook trying to get 1,000,000 people who believe in evolution or something, and I commented on it and said "it's real, get over it." Then a complete STRANGER proceeded to argue with me!


I removed the screenshots, but what more can you say but "wow"? What kind of advice is it; "pick up the bible once in a while"? That may be possibly the most annoying thing to me about believers; the expectation that I came to my position of disbelief through an ignorance of scripture. More to the contrary, the more scripture I read the more it turns me away.

Which reminds me of something else batty that I heard on the radio recently; it was a Christian woman talking about how horrible the problem of "biblical illiteracy" is. I had a WTF moment, thinking to myself, "does this woman really know what's in the bible?" Ironically, I do have favorite bible verses; but they are the ones that show what a vile and despicable piece of fiction that it really is.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#12  Postby Gawdzilla » Apr 23, 2010 1:40 am

I've collected fossils around here, mostly sealife. (Missouri is the logical spot to look for marine fossils, because of the Flood and all that.) One day my cousin was looking at my display and touched one with an awed look. Then, in a hushed voice, she said, "I wonder if we're even supposed to ask why God made some creatures out of stone."
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#13  Postby Mononoke » Apr 23, 2010 1:58 am

Hmm............

I don't know i haven't heard too many. I guess there was the time when my mother thought there was a physical hell underneath us and that we can possibly get dragged down
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#14  Postby CookieJon » Apr 23, 2010 2:10 am

Seen on the homepage of "Catholic Culture" website...

The Lessons of the Scandal: Hypocrisy and Discipline By Dr. Jeff Mirus

There are two important lessons to be drawn from the sex abuse scandal within the Catholic Church. The first is often considered but seldom mentioned due to fear: It involves the hypocrisy of...

Anyone care to guess whose hypocrisy is demonstrated when "celibate", self-righteous priests who make everyone else's sex-lives their business are caught fiddling with children and/or covering up such crimes? Anyone? Read on...

...the hypocrisy of the secular attack on the Church.


Of course! :lol:

Interestingly, 5 out of the 8 stories on the Catholic Culture home page are dedicated to the issue of sex with children. Oh dear. :nono:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#15  Postby Crocodile Gandhi » Apr 23, 2010 2:14 am

I was arguing with someone about how morals change and how it contradicts his claim that morals are consistent over time and he said, "You keep saying that people used to accept slavery as moral and now no one does, but no one ever thought that slavery was good or just or moral. Slavery is just good business sense."
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#16  Postby keypad5 » Apr 23, 2010 3:35 am

"What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?"

Anything that comes out of the mouth of WLC. :coffee:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#17  Postby Propagangster » Apr 23, 2010 4:09 am

Personally, I'm fascinated by the claims that God is all that is good, and that if there is "evil" in the world, misery, pain and conflict, that this is all the work of Satan - And yes, I have met Christians who factually believe that Satan exists.

I usually ask them if they've considered coversion to Zoroastrianism, which may be better suited to these beliefs, and which posited such a divine duality for good and evil much before Christianity ever did.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#18  Postby Witticism » Apr 23, 2010 5:42 am

mmmcheezy wrote:How about the following exchange?
My husband had joined some group on facebook trying to get 1,000,000 people who believe in evolution or something, and I commented on it and said "it's real, get over it." Then a complete STRANGER proceeded to argue with me!

Here's the screen shots [Leonardo is my husband, I'm red Samantha, and she's purple Samantha]:
Image
Image

:dielaughing: :dielaughing: :dielaughing:


You should put that on: http://failbook.com/


Craziest thing I heard a believer say, 'Let us prey ...' :roll:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#19  Postby Witticism » Apr 23, 2010 5:48 am

Crocodile Gandhi wrote:I was arguing with someone about how morals change and how it contradicts his claim that morals are consistent over time and he said, "You keep saying that people used to accept slavery as moral and now no one does, but no one ever thought that slavery was good or just or moral. Slavery is just good business sense."

He has a point ... :roll:


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AARON BADDELEY: I always use one verse, I used it at Hilton Head, it's the 2 Timothy 1:7, it says, "For God has give us a spirit of fear but power of love and a sound mind." I constantly quote that verse to myself.
But I just enjoy reading the Bible. This morning I was just reading and writing and praying, and that's what is most important to me, every morning.


Apparently gawd told him to play golf and NOT be a missionary ... :roll:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#20  Postby virphen » Apr 23, 2010 5:49 am

A woman I worked with in the UK once told me that the fact that the Celsius temperature scale has the freezing point of water at 0 and boiling point of water at 100 was far too much of a coincidence and that it was irrefutable proof there was a God.

When I posted this on RDF people didn't believe me until I found someone make a very similar argument on that very forum... I must try and track that down...

Edit: start here, follow the link
http://forum.richarddawkins.net/viewtop ... 0#p2406194
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