What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#21  Postby amyonyango » Apr 23, 2010 5:52 am

I haven't had many conversations with crazy religious people (thank fuck!), but two things stick in my mind:

Jehovas Witnesses on my doorstep: "We know the bible is true because it's the word of god"
"But how do you know that?"
"Because the bible tells us!"

Alrighty then... :crazy:

Me and my mother-in-law:

ME: "So what do you think about evolution then?"
HER: " What? That we come from monkeys? Amy! Are you crazy? I am a christian! I believe what god tells us in the bible!" :roll:
Assumption is the mother of all fuckups.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#22  Postby natselrox » Apr 23, 2010 5:55 am

virphen wrote:A woman I worked with in the UK once told me that the fact that the Celsius temperature scale has the freezing point of water at 0 and boiling point of water at 100 was far too much of a coincidence and that it was irrefutable proof there was a God.

When I posted this on RDF people didn't believe me until I found someone make a very similar argument on that very forum... I must try and track that down...

Edit: start here, follow the link
http://forum.richarddawkins.net/viewtop ... 0#p2406194


It's Aurlito!

I'd have thought you were joking as well! :lol:
When in perplexity, read on.

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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#23  Postby natselrox » Apr 23, 2010 5:58 am

I had a funny conversation with one of my classmates last week. (I don't even remember his name. :lol:)

Him: "Well, when a car crashes and one out four passengers die... How do you explain that without God?"
Me: "WTF?"
Him: "Tell me, tell me, how do you explain that?"
Me: "Fuck off."
When in perplexity, read on.

"A system that values obedience over curiosity isn’t education and it definitely isn’t science"
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#24  Postby Red_Nucleus » Apr 23, 2010 6:38 am

One morning as we were setting off for the weekly session of involuntary brain-death, my hand was slammed in the doorframe of a rather hefty Volvo wagon. As my 10yr old fingers are turning purple and my screams of pain are still ringing in my ears, what do I hear? "You know, sometimes I think the Devil tries very hard to stop us from getting to church."

Thanks, Dad.
Non Serviat!

Better to say nothing and be thought a fool than to open your mouth...and quote the bible.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#25  Postby CherryBomb » Apr 23, 2010 6:45 am

Red_Nucleus wrote:One morning as we were setting off for the weekly session of involuntary brain-death, my hand was slammed in the doorframe of a rather hefty Volvo wagon. As my 10yr old fingers are turning purple and my screams of pain are still ringing in my ears, what do I hear? "You know, sometimes I think the Devil tries very hard to stop us from getting to church."

Thanks, Dad.



Oww... I know how that feels. I did the same thing on my 6th birthday when mum dropped me off at school for the day. I still have a funny bump on my thumb from it.

As for the topic I can't think of any specific examples, but it always bothers me no end when people are quick to attribute good things to god/s but have nothing much to say about the bad things. Surely it makes no sense to think so inconsistently? Either god/s cause both good and bad things to happen, or god/s cause neither good or bad.

"Praise Jeebus" when things go right... so when things go wrong shouldn't they condemn Jeebus? Or is it their fault they didn't pray hard enough or something? It confuses me much.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#26  Postby Link » Apr 23, 2010 8:24 am

mmmcheezy wrote:How about the following exchange?
My husband had joined some group on facebook trying to get 1,000,000 people who believe in evolution or something, and I commented on it and said "it's real, get over it." Then a complete STRANGER proceeded to argue with me!

Here's the screen shots [Leonardo is my husband, I'm red Samantha, and she's purple Samantha]:
Image
Image



That always gets me, the fact that they can spout such hateful bollox and then go on to claim the moral high ground is just cuckoo :crazy:

She actually showed enjoyment in the fact that according to her philosophy anyone that doesn't suck god's shiny rod of judgment* will be tortured for all eternity i mean WTF??!?

*credit to Tim Minchin for the shiny rod of judgment
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#27  Postby Witticism » Apr 23, 2010 2:39 pm

natselrox wrote:I had a funny conversation with one of my classmates last week. (I don't even remember his name. :lol:)

Him: "Well, when a car crashes and one out four passengers die... How do you explain that without God?"
Me: "WTF?"
Him: "Tell me, tell me, how do you explain that?"
Me: "Fuck off."

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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#28  Postby Mononoke » Apr 23, 2010 2:43 pm

natselrox wrote:I had a funny conversation with one of my classmates last week. (I don't even remember his name. :lol:)

Him: "Well, when a car crashes and one out four passengers die... How do you explain that without God?"
Me: "Which one?"


Fixed :thumbup:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#29  Postby keypad5 » Apr 23, 2010 2:47 pm

virphen wrote:A woman I worked with in the UK once told me that the fact that the Celsius temperature scale has the freezing point of water at 0 and boiling point of water at 100 was far too much of a coincidence and that it was irrefutable proof there was a God.

When I posted this on RDF people didn't believe me until I found someone make a very similar argument on that very forum... I must try and track that down...

Edit: start here, follow the link
http://forum.richarddawkins.net/viewtop ... 0#p2406194

That's hilarious! :lol:

...so I guess the 24-hour day really must stump these people. :coffee:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#30  Postby natselrox » Apr 23, 2010 3:06 pm

Mononoke wrote:
natselrox wrote:I had a funny conversation with one of my classmates last week. (I don't even remember his name. :lol:)

Him: "Well, when a car crashes and one out four passengers die... How do you explain that without God?"
Me: "Which one?"


Fixed :thumbup:


You know these fuckers. "Which one" doesn't work with them. They'll say, "All roads lead to the same path. We call him by different names but it's the same old magic-man!" :whine:
When in perplexity, read on.

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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#31  Postby katja z » Apr 23, 2010 7:29 pm

"I'm really concerned about you because you're a really nice girl but you're going to burn in hell."
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#32  Postby crazyfitter » Apr 23, 2010 7:53 pm

Walking down the street one day a young woman pushed a religious missive at me but I just pushed past saying 'no thanks, I'm an athiest'. Behind me I heard, 'Heaven is full of athiests you know'. Wow, thats all right then :thumbup:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#33  Postby crazyfitter » Apr 23, 2010 7:59 pm

I've just remembered that when I was about 8yo and coming out of church one Sunday when the priest had been asking for more alter boys as a first step towards studying for the priesthood my grandfather looked down at me and said, 'you'd make a nice priest'. WTF. I think there's still a brown mark on the steps :yuk:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#34  Postby virphen » Apr 23, 2010 9:00 pm

crazyfitter wrote:Walking down the street one day a young woman pushed a religious missive at me but I just pushed past saying 'no thanks, I'm an athiest'. Behind me I heard, 'Heaven is full of athiests you know'. Wow, thats all right then :thumbup:


You'd think making it to heaven might just cure you of your atheism... (so to speak)
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#35  Postby crazyfitter » Apr 23, 2010 9:24 pm

virphen wrote:
crazyfitter wrote:Walking down the street one day a young woman pushed a religious missive at me but I just pushed past saying 'no thanks, I'm an athiest'. Behind me I heard, 'Heaven is full of athiests you know'. Wow, thats all right then :thumbup:


You'd think making it to heaven might just cure you of your atheism... (so to speak)

Oh I don't know, I can be very stubborn. It wouldn't be in the same league as finding rabbit fossils in the pre-cambrian would it? :evilgrin:
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#36  Postby Paul G » Apr 23, 2010 11:22 pm

If you can't name everything that exists in the universe then the big bang never happened.

I'm serious.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#37  Postby blasphemer_number1 » Apr 24, 2010 3:00 am

A close friend of mine is divorced; he was telling me of his ex-wife who is from a religious home. His ex-wife lost her leg to leukemia when she was perhaps 10 years old. Her family assured her that, as nothing is beyond god's power, if she prayed hard enough god would surely restore her amputated limb. Many years later as an adult in her late 30's, she remains an amputee and her family has come to the conclusion that either her faith was lacking or she just didn't pray hard enough.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#38  Postby virphen » Apr 24, 2010 3:01 am

blasphemer_number1 wrote:A close friend of mine is divorced; he was telling me of his ex-wife who is from a religious home. His ex-wife lost her leg to leukemia when she was perhaps 10 years old. Her family assured her that, as nothing is beyond god's power, if she prayed hard enough god would surely restore her amputated limb. Many years later as an adult in her late 30's, she remains an amputee and her family has come to the conclusion that either her faith was lacking or she just didn't pray hard enough.


What fools.

God never heals divorcees.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#39  Postby Skinny Puppy » Apr 24, 2010 4:51 am

blasphemer_number1 wrote:A close friend of mine is divorced; he was telling me of his ex-wife who is from a religious home. His ex-wife lost her leg to leukemia when she was perhaps 10 years old. Her family assured her that, as nothing is beyond god's power, if she prayed hard enough god would surely restore her amputated limb. Many years later as an adult in her late 30's, she remains an amputee and her family has come to the conclusion that either her faith was lacking or she just didn't pray hard enough.


Just playing devil’s advocate here…

I was a fundie for 20 years (Pentecostal, born again blah, blah, blah) and this was the reason for believing god could do that for you.

Matthew 21:22 (King James Version)
And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.


As expected, rarely did get what you asked for and the reason might be:

1 – You didn’t have enough faith. (as mentioned above)

Note from the scripture above, Jesus said ‘believing’, that means 100%, total and unconditional belief.

2 – You didn’t pray hard enough, long enough or sincerely enough. (as above)

3 - You may have asked for things that would go against the purpose that god has planned for your life.

4 – You may have asked for things that could cause you (or others) harm or grief and god is protecting you from yourself.

5 – God will eventually answer your prayer, but you must show patience and be willing to wait. You can’t ‘force’ god into action.

The reason for number 5 is this:

Luke 4:12
And Jesus answering said unto him, It is said, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.


It was a win-win for god. Regardless of the outcome, he’d come out a champion in our books.

More so when someone asked for something and actually got it! (Not from god, but shit happens and if you ask for enough, eventually, going by the numbers, you’ll hit pay dirt.) When someone would come to the congregation and tell us that god had answered their prayer, we were overjoyed at the news and didn’t doubt the veracity of their words even for a second. It was proof positive (not that we needed it) that god was working within our midst.
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Re: What's the battiest thing you ever heard a believer say?

#40  Postby Peter Brown » Apr 24, 2010 9:24 am

I see more general batty comments than ones that are humourous.

The apology when stating that a Christian who have the bible elevated to the absolute word of god and who follows the OT advice are not Christian.

The ideology that the institution should never be brought into disrepute so the individual has to be protected in their crimes if their prominence and exposure threatens that same institution.

The assertion that there are no contradictions in the bible.

And my personal favourite, asking the atheist to show the line of scripture in the bible they hold most holy that goes against what they are preaching/defending. WTF they read the book and don't know it's content so ask me to find it???
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