Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

Ex-Muslim...

Abrahamic religion, you know, the one with the mosques...

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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#21  Postby Clive Durdle » Oct 15, 2012 10:35 am

There is something that is a real issue about how Muslim parents, families and acquaintances react to apostates, that is very different to our day to day experience. Honour killings do happen, for example, apostasy in sharia does carry the death sentence.
"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#22  Postby Ironclad » Oct 15, 2012 10:45 am

Our just tell them you are still firmly Muslim, until you don't need their finances. Going to prayers isn't going to hurt, especially if you have your future plan; no need to cut yourself off this early if you need help from them still.
Maybe talk secretly to your sisters, let them know how you truly feel. They may need to hear your thoughts so they need not be scared, or scared of your reaction to them wanting to leave 'the gang'.
These are just thoughts of mine, think carefully & plan your route. Talk to the council of ex.
For Van Youngman - see you amongst the stardust, old buddy

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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#23  Postby Oeditor » Oct 15, 2012 7:24 pm

I wish I could come up with something constructive, but can really only wish you well. There are a couple of things you might think about, though.
Firstly, all mothers have a problem when their son goes to university. I remember a Christian minister shocking my mother by telling her that when I left for uni, I would never really return to the nest.
Secondly, you should - but may not - know better than I that a lot of what is supposed to be required Islamic practice is just mediaeval Arab culture. Like the hijab, which AFAIK is nowhere ordained in the Koran. Not that going shouting about it is likely to help, but such knowledge might help your sisters and your brother later.
Oh, and as for beer and bacon - I had a Jewish friend who loved bacon sandwiches but didn't eat them in case he slipped up in front of his family. Probably no need to go that far, but surely avoiding them when your family is around - and making sure you're not reported in the paper for being charged with drunkenness! - shouldn't be too difficult.
Watch the sleeping pills though - usual advice is they're only good for a couple of weeks before either they stop working or you risk becoming dependent.
All off-the-top comments, btw - I'm no expert adviser.
Best wishes!
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#24  Postby Final Fantasy » Oct 15, 2012 9:21 pm

Thank you for your kind words. I am surprised that I did not get judged harshly regarding the benzodiazepines, even by trubble's post.

My dad's last words before I moved back to shared-accommodation for final year:

"Sort out your fucking sleep problem and stop giving [name censored] bad advice, there is no forcing in Islam, you know fuck all about religions, not Islam or Christianity or anything...".

This was said after I mustered the courage to tell him about mental health issues that have accumulated over the years... quite a blow when I heard that. I've barely contacted them since being at uni.

I am sorry but the benzos and alcohol provide an escape mechanism. Housemates are awesome, but other than that I'm afraid I'll just keep getting judged by people... who'd wanna be friends with someone they think is probably a Muslim and has anxiety/panic/insomnia etc.?

EDIT: Bacon is fecking awesome. No way letting that go!
Love is not a victory march.
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#25  Postby Ironclad » Oct 15, 2012 11:15 pm

There's a Humanist group that meet regularly near the university, just off Mutley Plain. They may offer some pointers, if you go and join in, I don't think it costs anything. One of the 'leaders' is the owner of the kickboxing gym, Taurus Gym.. something if recommend you also join, to wear you out & help you sleep, as well as meet people. Sid is a good guy. Susan Blackmore is, or was, one of the psychology professors at Plymouth university, she is also part of the Humanist group. Perhaps you may track her down after class?
For Van Youngman - see you amongst the stardust, old buddy

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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#26  Postby Clive Durdle » Oct 16, 2012 9:24 am

I strongly recommend The Young Atheists Handbook, by Alom Shaha. He was brought up Muslim, parents from Bangladesh.
"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#27  Postby Final Fantasy » Feb 14, 2016 9:17 pm

I am back - probably on and off though. Many thanks for your help. :)
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#28  Postby z8000783 » Feb 15, 2016 6:46 am

Wow, it's been over 3 years since your posts, how are you doing?

John
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#29  Postby Fallible » Feb 15, 2016 9:21 am

Hey! :cheers:
She battled through in every kind of tribulation,
She revelled in adventure and imagination.
She never listened to no hater, liar,
Breaking boundaries and chasing fire.
Oh, my my! Oh my, she flies!
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#30  Postby Blackadder » Feb 15, 2016 2:07 pm

Final Fantasy wrote:I am back - probably on and off though. Many thanks for your help. :)


FF - I'm an ex-muslim too. You can PM if you would like to discuss anything privately. Otherwise I'm happy to offer what advice or help I can here on this thread. The first and most important thing to do is find yourself supportive non-muslim friends or a partner. Leaving a faith pits you against a lot of people. It helps to know there are people in your corner too.
That credulity should be gross in proportion to the ignorance of the mind that it enslaves, is in strict consistency with the principle of human nature. - Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#31  Postby Sendraks » Feb 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Good to hear you're still with us! Welcome back.
"One of the great tragedies of mankind is that morality has been hijacked by religion." - Arthur C Clarke

"'Science doesn't know everything' - Well science knows it doesn't know everything, otherwise it'd stop" - Dara O'Brian
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#32  Postby scott1328 » Feb 15, 2016 10:29 pm

Sendraks wrote:Good to hear you're still with us! Welcome back.

In most cases, that is just a figure of speech.
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#33  Postby Final Fantasy » Feb 27, 2016 9:14 pm

Finished education. Been working several years as a developer. Got my own house and independence now.

I was briefly married but she used me for immigration marriage fraud to gain IRL in the UK. Still fighting it. Turns out there's a loophole, if your wife tells the police she's been abused/raped, she is immediately believed, gains the help of public money and legal aid and anonymity. In addition gets her own safe house, and a visa to stay immediately rather the 5 year wait. So yeah... I'm basically forking out £thousands a month for the past 7 months for my solicitors the case keeps dragging on due to lack of evidence. She's even told the police that if she goes back to her country her parents will kill her (not true) and yet she practically talks to them all the time. Unfortunately the police don't investigate the 'victim', I've lost my faith in them. The stories she makes up are lines from movies! Are they thick? Ugh.

Lesson learned. No arranged marriages again, no marrying foreign nationals and no Muslims like her.
Love is not a victory march.
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#34  Postby Final Fantasy » Feb 27, 2016 9:17 pm

Oh and I'm still alone, that much hasn't changed. Yet anyway.

I'm just glad I have my family's complete support in my current situation.
Love is not a victory march.
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#35  Postby tuco » Feb 27, 2016 9:22 pm

I was about to ask :) If it makes you feel any better I got screwed up by not getting married, by not having the paper from which legal obligations are derived.
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#36  Postby Final Fantasy » Feb 27, 2016 9:27 pm

scott1328 wrote:
Sendraks wrote:Good to hear you're still with us! Welcome back.

In most cases, that is just a figure of speech.


I suppose you're right. But I never once forgot this place. I migrated here from with the others when RD.net forum got shut down. :)

I do occasionally lurk and read topics.
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#37  Postby Final Fantasy » Feb 27, 2016 9:30 pm

tuco wrote:I was about to ask :) If it makes you feel any better I got screwed up by not getting married, by not having the paper from which legal obligations are derived.


Never ever marry. :(
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#38  Postby Fallible » Feb 28, 2016 8:47 am

Although your experience sounds shit, that doesn't mean marriage itself is shit.
She battled through in every kind of tribulation,
She revelled in adventure and imagination.
She never listened to no hater, liar,
Breaking boundaries and chasing fire.
Oh, my my! Oh my, she flies!
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#39  Postby tuco » Feb 28, 2016 8:56 am

Final Fantasy wrote:
tuco wrote:I was about to ask :) If it makes you feel any better I got screwed up by not getting married, by not having the paper from which legal obligations are derived.


Never ever marry. :(


There is very high probability I will not as its not consistent with my world view, regardless of consequences ;)
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Re: Please help me, I don't know what to do! :(

#40  Postby Oeditor » Feb 29, 2016 1:41 pm

There's been a court case recently where a barrister and a QC (a posher barrister, I think) were caught having sex in public. The barrister was up in court the other day and named. Meanwhile, the woman QC claimed after a couple of weeks that she'd been forced and so has anonymity and no doubt not prosecuted. She must have given herself good legal advice!
No consolation, of course, but you're not alone in being screwed over.
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