San Francisco police are searching for a relic believed to trace back to 325 AD that went missing from a Catholic church on Thursday.

Perhaps it was raptured.

'Magic splinter goes missing.'

"Emergency tooth pick - Break glass"

Why the obsession with death ?

You could just...I dunno...replace it with another random bit of old wood?

Why do they call it a piece of The True Cross?

Arnold Layne wrote:Why do they call it a piece of The True Cross?

Because it's the cross they killed Jesus on 300 years after he died.

After the resurrection Jesus went on to live a long life as a hard money lender in Damascus.

Arnold Layne wrote:Why do they call it a piece of The True Cross?

Because if they called it "random bit of wood that was faked up and flogged to the church by some medieval fraudster" then the terminally gullible wouldn't continue to flock in every Sunday and put their cash on the collection plate.

ScholasticSpastic wrote:

Arnold Layne wrote:Why do they call it a piece of The True Cross?

Because it's the cross they killed Jesus on 300 years after he died.

That was what I was wondering.

Kinda like Michelle Obama makes herself useful by worrying about overweight kids, Helena, mother of the Emperor Constantine, stayed out of everybody's way by travelling the world gathering these fake relics and pawning them off as a sort of...magical fabric binding the Empire together.

It may have been Erasmus who first observed the extreme surplus of wood available to construct the original cross.

pelfdaddy wrote:Kinda like Michelle Obama makes herself useful by worrying about overweight kids, Helena, mother of the Emperor Constantine, stayed out of everybody's way by travelling the world gathering these fake relics and pawning them off as a sort of...magical fabric binding the Empire together.

It may have been Erasmus who first observed the extreme surplus of wood available to construct the original cross.

At least overweight kids exist.

Arnold Layne wrote:Why do they call it a piece of The True Cross?

They prolly meant < "True" Cross Fragment > as opposed to < "fake" cross fragment >

btw: where in the babble does it say

41 and they choppted up the cross for fire wood
42 and some smart entrepreneurs saved some splinters
43 to flog off to for a huge profit later on.

?

Agi Hammerthief wrote:

Arnold Layne wrote:Why do they call it a piece of The True Cross?

They prolly meant < "True" Cross Fragment > as opposed to < "fake" cross fragment >

btw: where in the babble does it say

41 and they choppted up the cross for fire wood
42 and some smart entrepreneurs saved some splinters
43 to flog off to for a huge profit later on.

?

The Romans were probably a lot more economical than that. Assuming there was a Jesus, and he was crucified, that cross would likely have been reused for several other crucifictions as well. It would be the cross of Brian, Jesus, Biggus Dickus, and Intercontinentia Buttocks.

And everyone who shouted "I'm Spartacus!"

So now they only have enough pieces of the true cross to make 9.2314 crosses.

According to the story, Helena found the tomb of Jesus contained three crosses (not sure why the crosses of the thieves he was crucified alongside were buried in Jesus's tomb, but there you go). She got the Bishop of Jerusalem to bring along a dying old woman who lay down on each of the crosses. One of them instantly healed her, so they knew that one had to be the True Cross.

She also brought home the nails, which her son Constantine apparently had made into a bit for his horse. I'm not sure if these are still in circulation. I don't think the story relates how Helena knew they were the True Nails. Perhaps she had them hammered into a dying old woman.

This may be a sign that the Eschaton is immanent.

That cross is like kryptonite to Jesus, so I think Satan is putting together some sort of super weapon for the Final Battle.