Dracena wrote:I go mental once a month
Get pregnant. That will make you wish you were still going mental. Eventually. Especially if you give birth.
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Dracena wrote:I go mental once a month
A delusion is a belief that is held with strong conviction despite evidence disproving it that is stronger than any evidence supporting it. It is distinct from an erroneous belief caused by incomplete information (misconception or misunderstanding), deficient memory (confabulation) or incorrect perception (illusion). The psychiatrist and philosopher Karl Jaspers proposed 3 criteria for delusional beliefs in 1913: certainty (the belief is held with absolute conviction), incorrigibility (the belief cannot be changed with any proof to the contrary) and impossibility or falsity (the belief cannot be true) (Jaspers, 1967). Delusions are associated with a variety of mental and neurological disorders, but are of diagnostic importance in the psychotic disorders.
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Munro identified 10 characteristics of delusions (Munro, 1999). The patient expresses the delusional belief(s) with unusual force and persistence, and the belief or beliefs exert and inordinate effect on the patient’s life, often altering or dominating it. Despite profound conviction about the delusion, the patient is often secretive or suspicious in discussing it. Delusional patients tend to be oversensitive and humorless, especially regarding the delusion. The belief is central to the patient’s existence, and questioning it elicits an inappropriately strong emotional reaction. The belief is nevertheless unlikely, and not in keeping with the patient’s social, cultural or religious background. The patient is highly invested emotionally in the belief, and other elements of the psyche may be overwhelmed. If the belief is acted upon, abnormal behavior may result which is out of character for the patient, but which may be understandable in light of the delusion; the belief and behavior are felt to be uncharacteristic by those who know the patient.
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Keep It Real wrote:Paranoid schizophrenia, obviated through the use of antipsychotics (flupentixol). Interestingly enough, most of my psychotic episodes featured hell motiffs/delusions so you could well point the finger at religion if it came to attributing guilt for my delusions.
PensivePenny wrote:Keep It Real wrote:Paranoid schizophrenia, obviated through the use of antipsychotics (flupentixol). Interestingly enough, most of my psychotic episodes featured hell motiffs/delusions so you could well point the finger at religion if it came to attributing guilt for my delusions.
That fucking sucks. So, psychotic episodes manifested delusions of hell? Are you atheist, now? I assume the meds are helping control the condition?
My own delusions about Hell involved a variation on the idea I'd encountered before from theists, and it was something that compounded the sense of delusional terror. It's not simply "fuck, I've gone to hell", but the next realisation: "fuck, I've gone willingly."PensivePenny wrote:Seriously, if I had had delusions of hell like you describe, I doubt I could have ever escaped. You have my admiration. I have mostly beaten the depression I use to experience. All of it a result of reconciling reality with the shit I was taught as a child. Cost me my parents, aunts uncles, cousins and sibling, but such is life. Keep up with those meds! You have good incentive.
VazScep wrote:My own delusions about Hell involved a variation on the idea I'd encountered before from theists, and it was something that compounded the sense of delusional terror. It's not simply "fuck, I've gone to hell", but the next realisation: "fuck, I've gone willingly."PensivePenny wrote:Seriously, if I had had delusions of hell like you describe, I doubt I could have ever escaped. You have my admiration. I have mostly beaten the depression I use to experience. All of it a result of reconciling reality with the shit I was taught as a child. Cost me my parents, aunts uncles, cousins and sibling, but such is life. Keep up with those meds! You have good incentive.
PensivePenny wrote:KIR... I can't even begin to imagine what psychotic episodes and delusion are like. But, I can relate to the fear of going to hell. It took me from the age of 16 when I last went to church to the age of about 34 before I could shirk the "agnostic" moniker for "atheist." It was a struggle for me. I thought about things like theism, existentialism and the like almost daily. I was very introspective. Fear of hell is the one thing that prevented me donning the "atheist" badge. I still think about theism and existentialism sometimes, but now, I imagine IF there IS a god, when I stand before him in on judgement day, I'm going to slap the beard off him and ask, "Are you fucking kidding me? How dare you command US to behave morally in a way YOU have never managed to."
Seriously, if I had had delusions of hell like you describe, I doubt I could have ever escaped. You have my admiration. I have mostly beaten the depression I use to experience. All of it a result of reconciling reality with the shit I was taught as a child. Cost me my parents, aunts uncles, cousins and sibling, but such is life. Keep up with those meds! You have good incentive.
Yes.PensivePenny wrote:So, you have or had genuine psychotic delusions too?
Keep It Real wrote:
The atheist/agnostic labels aren't mutually exclusive you know. I lack belief in gods but it is hypothetically possible one/many exist so I'm an atheist and an agnostic. That leaves the door wide open for a fucked up paranoid trip of Messiah complex, visions of hell, thinking natural sounds are god's communications to you etc. I was raised atheist/agnostic so never had to leave anything behind. I hope you get on ok with your rellies these days - you only get one set. I'm currently not on speaking terms with my father and it causes me severe nightmares and much waking anguish too. He's so fucked up, but it's not his fault, he had a fucked up childhood. But as I always say - people aren't responsible for their actions but we have to hold them responsible never the less! FFS this planet is jokes.
PensivePenny wrote:
Anyway... it still hurts. But, what can you do, right? Life deals some of us shitty hands.
Keep It Real wrote:PensivePenny wrote:
Anyway... it still hurts. But, what can you do, right? Life deals some of us shitty hands.
I haven't given up on my father - I sent him a long email on boxing day reaching out. No reply yet but it's early days.
Sometimes I feel like I've been dealt a shitty hand but then I think that tomorrow is a new day and who knows what's over the horizon. I'm lucky to be mentally well, financially sound, in good health....count your blessings innit. I know what you mean though - the relationships with your immediate family are so very important. I'm lucky that I get on with all of them, except my father, and I'm working on that one. Fucking religion eh? Poisons everything.
Sorry, I should have wrote "Had." As far as I'm concerned, it was a blip three and a half years ago. I was off meds six months after I went into hospital, and haven't since had any thought-disorder (by which I mean, batshit crazy; there's no equivocation on this stuff).
Thanks for the kind words. To counterbalance the connection of madness with religion, I'll admit that the primary motifs in my early thought disorders were about paradoxical and weird ideas in logic, computer science, type theory and the infinite. I suspect it's not a coincidence that I also enjoyed (and still enjoy) writing on these topics. As for the vague affinity I felt for prophets wandering around the Middle East and talking with bushes, I felt a far stronger affinity for Cantor and Goedel, in as much as I wondered whether they were so obviously doomed to go mad, that anyone who dwells too much on their sort of mathematics is playing with fire. The crazy notes I was writing while in hospital weren't full of religious nonsense poetry, but nonsense mathematics.I'm surprised. Having read some of your writing, you've obviously achieved a great deal scholastically. Having psychotic delusions must be quite a burden under the best of circumstances. Yet you have a wonderful brain in spite of it.
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