by Erin wrote:Given what she relayed as his opening line (and I'm citing from memory, because I can't watch the video at work. If I get this wrong, I apologize and will correct it) -- "Don't take this the wrong way, but I find you really fascinating" -- implied that he did. And face it, if he had no idea who she was and didn't attend her speech and wasn't privy to her conversation at the bar, that's a very strange way to start a conversation.
Good point. But, then...if he had listened to her, and knew what she was concerned with, then the guy's behavior would seem to suggest that he approached her in the manner in which he did, with the proposition with which he did, knowing full well her response, and while that still wouldn't have made his intention crystal clear, he could be considered a total jerk. Maybe it was an inconsiderate, sick joke on his part, that he didn't clarify nor apologize for. Still a jerk.
Erin wrote:While I understand what you're saying, what I'm trying to point out is that she didn't know his intentions at the time, and thus was uncomfortable and justified in feeling that way. I feel as if you're saying that since everything turned out fine, she didn't have a valid complaint. It's an awkard-at-best and threatening-at-worst way to approach a woman socially, and she had every right to point it out as an example of what not to do. And I obviously agree with her.
On the other-hand, he also mentioned inviting her up to his room for coffee. Now, I'm not sure how popular this whole "coffee=sex" substitution is, but surely she suspected as much, otherwise, if they guy really just wanted a coffee with her (doubtful) she really had nothing to be concerned about, not immediately, anyway. I'm only assuming that she knew where the guy was going with the whole thing, ultimately, in which case, her uncomfortableness and worry was justified, if still a bit much.
Erin wrote:Why not? How can we ever expect to change anyone's behavior without calling attention to it?
I don't say she shouldn't call attention to it, but it likely won't have the desired affect, and not on short notice, at any rate. This kind of behavior has become practically mundane in western society, and a singe woman getting slightly vocal about it, isn't going to sway over-confident, womanizing, alpha-male types.
Erin wrote:How would you suggest we deal with it, then?
That, too, is going to be a long process and would require amongst other things a lot more women getting vocal about it. But, as I said if every woman who was approached in such manner, in any place and time, would complain than it would be just ridiculous and men would only get indignant and snap back. What also needs to be done, I think, is the teaching of more social-skills in classes, or groups outside normal school curriculum. Not the obnoxious and ridiculous table-manner etiquette on tv, and whatnot, but just social-skills. I suppose there are programs, groups of the sort already, but they should pay more attention to those.
Beyond that, I don't know what else to suggest.
And with Fallible and others in the thread who've tried to explain just how creepy it can be to be in a situation like that and just how ridiculous R.D.'s reaction is.
