inkaStepa wrote:Earlier I was at a friends house and this girl flicked my hair in my face. If I had done nothing I would've looked like a B to everyone and lost their respect. I don't want to bring more suffering, fear, or hate in the world but I did in exchange for a good rep.

Most people here are too old to care about seemingly minor infringements - life throws a lot of shit in your face and after a time you stop caring about the minor stuff, but when young it can seem devastating not to react.
My view for what its worth is that life is about making mistakes - but learning from them. If I don't make a complete fool of myself at least once a year, then I have stopped learning. The fact that others have seen me do stupid things or clearly get it wrong - does not actually change their view of me, sure for a few days some people think less of me, and rarely people go by the way side because they think I am an idiot - but over time, the system works, continuous improvement demands a little humility. If people are your friends, they do not judge you based on any single event.

inkaStepa wrote:I guess I'm just torn about how to handle things. Earlier I was at a friends house and this girl flicked my hair in my face. If I had done nothing I would've looked like a B to everyone and lost their respect. I don't want to bring more suffering, fear, or hate in the world but I did in exchange for a good rep.

I feel good in life when I'm held in high esteem, or rather am recogfnized for something I accomplished. And when my family is taken care of. Not caring what others think isn't really an option. And where I live, without friends I'm not going to last very long....it's a very anti-intellect place. I hate the way this world is run, but it's like I have no choice but to comply.

Sometimes Inka.... your posts really boggle me.

This may sound harsh Inka, but I really think you need a bit of a reality check.

Have you any idea how immature you're hair flicking tale sounded? I mean, are you 15? No, you're 20 years old FFS! By your age I'd been away from my parents for 3 years, most of which I lived alone, by 20 I was pregnant with my 2nd child. You really need to get yourself some life experience, something to put your life into perspective. As Aggie said, travel. There's nothing like getting out of your little box, and your box sounds very narrow and restricting.

Maybe showing some interest in other people might help. The only posts I've seen from you on this whole forum are threads like these where you seem to be asking for help from strangers in 'finding yourself' (please correct me if I'm wrong, I haven't obviously read the whole forum). Do you know whose job it is to find yourself? Yours, no one can do it for you. Why not get involved in threads from other people, other people's experiences and thoughts and feelings can really put some perspective onto the trivia that you seem to find important.

Agrippina wrote:Huh??? This has to be nonsense. Upset because they had hair flicked in the face. OMG the times I've had to endure that punishment. How did I survive the awful torture of flicked hair and "anti-intellect" [sic] societies.

I would suggest a very serious session of library visits. Extreme learning and hours of watching documentary channels. There's nothing quite as liberating as some extreme learning. And possibly a road trip a long road trip involving taking jobs waiting tables to finance the road trip and on the trip carrying only some clothing changes and a pile of books. There's nothing quite like libraries, books and travel to remove the torment suffered from being punished by flicked hair.

Oh sure. Look at that hair of yours! Better keep that to yourself, or it's your ass!

Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?

Of course one can also find oneself by looking in the mirror, seriously, the person in the glass is you. There! You found yourself!
Now get out of the narrow little hole you've dug for yourself, take a deep breath, this is going to be really scary, and take a trip out into the big wide world where people ask for and are given jobs, for which they have to turn up every day, and at the end of the week, someone gives them some money for doing it.

The next big step is to walk down to the local library, it's a big scary silent place full of nerdy-looking people who don't flick their hair to scare you, ask the person at the desk to direct you to a book, find a chair, and read the book. Try doing this every day after work instead of wasting time drinking with people who flick hair in your face.

When you've been paid for a few weeks, and read a few books, suddenly flicked hair won't be so scary and you'll be able to confront the hair flicker with "I laugh in the face of your flicked hair!"

After a few weeks of alienating (big word look it up in one of the big books you're reading, try one that's titled "dictionary") the hair-flicker and her friends, take yourself off on a bus to a place far away from where the hair-flickers can find you. Don't worry the FBI are already onto them, they won't be allowed to go about flicking their hair at people for much longer. When you think you've gone far enough, use some of the money you've earned to rent a room, then start the job hunting and library seeking business all over again. Should a hair-flicker find you, (they are all over the place) move on again. Soon with all your travelling and reading, you will overcome the fear of flicked hair and won't notice it anymore. Instead you'll begin to notice mountains, scenery, wildlife, intelligent conversation and maybe, after a while, you'll find a person who'll embrace you, and who will help you to find your way out of the narrow-mindedness that the indoctrination of religion imposed on you. And forever after you will no longer be bothered by hair-flickers, you'll see them for what they truly are, in the parlance of the modern person your age, they are "pathetic losers."

Funniest thread in a long time.

Somehow, kind of sad too.
So, believing in god would have given you some guidance as to how to handle the flicking the hair situation. :')

Paula1 wrote:Have you any idea how immature you're hair flicking tale sounded? I mean, are you 15? No, you're 20 years old FFS! By your age I'd been away from my parents for 3 years, most of which I lived alone, by 20 I was pregnant with my 2nd child.

What a great role model.

Jehannum wrote:

Paula1 wrote:Have you any idea how immature you're hair flicking tale sounded? I mean, are you 15? No, you're 20 years old FFS! By your age I'd been away from my parents for 3 years, most of which I lived alone, by 20 I was pregnant with my 2nd child.

What a great role model.

What a rude post!

Jehannum wrote:

Paula1 wrote:Have you any idea how immature you're hair flicking tale sounded? I mean, are you 15? No, you're 20 years old FFS! By your age I'd been away from my parents for 3 years, most of which I lived alone, by 20 I was pregnant with my 2nd child.

What a great role model.

One of the benefits of belonging to a group that is so easily stigmatised and generalised about, e.g. young, single parents, is that it made me possibly one of the least judgemental people you would ever meet.

How dare you suggest I am a poor role model! You have no idea of my life or the circumstances that I was in at the age of 20 or the subsequent years. I brought up two fantastic, productive members of society, single handed. I asked nothing from anyone, I was totally self sufficient and I worked fucking hard to pay my bills and rent. My daughters are now intelligent, hardworking young women who also pay their own rent and bills. I am a fucking good role model for young women and comments like yours piss me right off!

Would it have made any difference if I'd used the example of my SO, who by the age of 20 had been serving in Northern Ireland for a year? Somehow I think it would.

+1 Paula1

inkaStepa wrote:I guess I'm just torn about how to handle things. Earlier I was at a friends house and this girl flicked my hair in my face. If I had done nothing I would've looked like a B to everyone and lost their respect. I don't want to bring more suffering, fear, or hate in the world but I did in exchange for a good rep.

The respect of people who would look down on you for not acting out when a "girl flicked my hair in my face" is not respect that is worth having. I spent years alone or mostly alone because no one around me was worth my time. Keep looking and you'll find those people. As was said earlier, travel! Get a new job, go to school, hang out in new places and just live life according to what's important to you. If you feel you need to act a certain way to please someone, and that action goes against what you think is important then stop hanging out with those people and move on!

I am a, intelligent, bisexual, atheist, ADHD, long-haired male. I learned a long time ago that people who will bring you down are not people who will make you happy in the long run no matter WHAT you do. The real world is so much bigger than any petty reputation-saving maneuvers.

Paula+1 And Dudely +1

inkaStepa wrote:I guess I'm just torn about how to handle things. Earlier I was at a friends house and this girl flicked my hair in my face. If I had done nothing I would've looked like a B to everyone and lost their respect. I don't want to bring more suffering, fear, or hate in the world but I did in exchange for a good rep.

I feel good in life when I'm held in high esteem, or rather am recogfnized for something I accomplished. And when my family is taken care of. Not caring what others think isn't really an option. And where I live, without friends I'm not going to last very long....it's a very anti-intellect place. I hate the way this world is run, but it's like I have no choice but to comply.

What sort of fucking losers do you hang out with. Presumably 8 year old losers.

It sounds pretty clear that your friends are a bunch of losers. Ditch them ASAP. I'd rather be utterly alone in the world than have to deal with twits like that, let alone call them my "friends."

It sounds like you need to spend less time worrying about other people's level of respect for you, and focus more on having respect for yourself. This includes ignoring internet forum people who mock you for honestly voicing your concerns

inkaStepa wrote:I guess I'm just torn about how to handle things. Earlier I was at a friends house and this girl flicked my hair in my face. If I had done nothing I would've looked like a B to everyone and lost their respect. I don't want to bring more suffering, fear, or hate in the world but I did in exchange for a good rep.

It is nice that you have ideals that you find exemplary, however, real life doesn't always make it easy to live up to them. In this case, you stated that you chose to trade the integrity of your values for a small measure reputation. Only you can decide if the trade was worth it, and while I and others on the forum may have our own opinions about it, you are the one who has to square it with yourself.

How strongly do you value preventing fear, suffering, and hate? Why do you value these things? Is it because you truly, innately believe in these values, or is it because society tells you that you should value them? I know people who believe strongly in a life of hedonism and selfishness, and while I disagree with them philosophically, they seem to do alright. It is important to question the values and beliefs which we take for granted, because you just might surprise yourself sometimes.

Others may disagree with me, but I think you are doing yourself a disservice at this moment by using the forum for advice. To be clear, I am by no means saying that asking for help on this forum is a bad thing. However, you appear to be seeking guidance and validation on something that can only be derived through your own reflection and inner-study. The risk here is that you could trade one template for how you should live your life (religion) for another (the views of the forum membership) without developing your own.

When I first admitted to myself that I was an atheist, I was struck by the profoundness of the freedom I was given. It seemed like absolute chaos, and I had no compass to right myself by. For a long time, I would try out ethical and moral frameworks, as if they were appetizers on a menu. I lived my life by Kantian ethics, Universal justice, The Five Precepts, Nihilism etc. It wasn't until I finally took inventory of myself that I realized I wouldn't be finding my answer in some learned tome from a long dead philosopher, or in the proclaimed truths of another. In the end, I found a book, "How to Live Your Life": By RPizzle, For RPizzle. It isn't very gracefully worded, it has some spelling errors, and it is constantly in need of edits. It does its job though, and I like to think with each revision it improves a little bit. Someday, if I'm lucky enough to have kids, I can give it to them, and see if they can make it even better.

I feel good in life when I'm held in high esteem, or rather am recogfnized for something I accomplished. And when my family is taken care of. Not caring what others think isn't really an option. And where I live, without friends I'm not going to last very long....it's a very anti-intellect place. I hate the way this world is run, but it's like I have no choice but to comply.

I find it almost impossible to not care about what others think of me, despite recognizing that I am technically in the driver's seat of how I view the world and the people around me. What I found to be the best option was to find friends that are worth your time and concern. For years, I maintained toxic friendships based solely on how long I'd known a person, even if those people were simply dragging me down. Friendships must be based on mutual respect and understanding, and without that, it isn't worth having. It can be downright terrifying though, as it is easy to justify maintaining some bad friendships over the chance of never forming others.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt. I have very few years on you, and I am far from having my own life figured out, if there is such a thing.

plus sometimes we lie to ourselves. It takes a little courage to expose those lies.

Jehannum wrote:

Paula1 wrote:Have you any idea how immature you're hair flicking tale sounded? I mean, are you 15? No, you're 20 years old FFS! By your age I'd been away from my parents for 3 years, most of which I lived alone, by 20 I was pregnant with my 2nd child.

What a great role model.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U70oaQR6tKE[/youtube]

When a girl flickes her hair in your face it means she's disrespecting you (I'm not speaking universally just where I live)...and the fact that it was at my friends house is what made it serious because it's a diss on her too. I don't like to let people shit on me or the people I love. At the same time, I realize it's an ego game.. but what isn't right?

Thanks for all the replies...I agree...I'll have to find out what anything means or is worth for myself. For the past year everything's been zeroed except my need to protect the people I care about mentally or physically.

Just.... wow.

I think you're missing the point here a little. Don't you think this behaviour is a little immature for anyone say, above the age of six?

Perhaps you should not hang around with people like that?

If someone is going to fight me what else am I supposed to do...I can't just let someone beat on me.