http://www.bbc.com/future/story/2015072 ... rite-drink

I say we cease all other human activities, and plunge all our resources, infrastructure and technology into combating this evil!

Spearthrower wrote:http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20150728-coffee-the-bitter-end-of-our-favourite-drink

I say we cease all other human activities, and plunge all our resources, infrastructure and technology into combating this evil!

Well, coffee causes cognitive decline so it's not all bad!

I'm sorry, I don't understand that.

The coffee must flow!

So move the coffee belt, or breed varieties more resistant to excessive rain. It will happen. No way anyone would let one of the top cash crops just die.

Hopefully we're not also about to hit peak tea.

Darwinsbulldog wrote:

Spearthrower wrote:http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20150728-coffee-the-bitter-end-of-our-favourite-drink

I say we cease all other human activities, and plunge all our resources, infrastructure and technology into combating this evil!

Well, coffee causes cognitive decline so it's not all bad!

Lack of coffee ensures no cognitive capacity!

Sendraks wrote:The coffee must flow!

There has been a distinct lack of fear-mongering, insinuation, and assertions of conspiracies in this thread.

I demand more panic and yammering over this mighty tribulation. This is not just the end of coffee, it's the end of getting out of bed, damnit!

Mazille wrote:So move the coffee belt, or breed varieties more resistant to excessive rain.

Desist with your balanced and logical reasoning - it's not welcome here! This thread is about one thing: Fear and Panic... well, two things: fear, panic and the horrors of a coffee-less existence... no three things!

Mazille wrote:It will happen. No way anyone would let one of the top cash crops just die.

Aha! That's more like it - there's a conspiracy in there somewhere: you work on it a bit, then we can open a website with random sized fonts in absurd colours against a background which is far too busy to read text on!

Matt_B wrote:Hopefully we're not also about to hit peak tea.

Tea can suck my cock!

We're not talking about mere beverages here! We're talking about COFFEE, damnit!

Spearthrower wrote:Tea can suck my cock!

Tea is Satan's urine.

Fact.

campermon wrote:

Spearthrower wrote:Tea can suck my cock!

Tea is Satan's urine.

Fact.

I'm glad the moderators can finally bring the necessary decorum to this thread!

Could you please just insta-ban anyone who uses the T word again? And perhaps some warnings for derails which don't include at least a modicum of panic, targeted blame, or calls for World War 3?

Spearthrower wrote:Could you please just insta-ban anyone who uses the T word again? And perhaps some warnings for derails which don't include at least a modicum of panic, targeted blame, or calls for World War 3?

You can rest assured that we are, at this very moment, drawing up a list...

campermon wrote:

A sober documentary on the inevitable effects of this apocalyptic occurrence!

campermon wrote::rofl:

See?

Campermon's already writhing around in some terrible manifestation of caffeine deprived seizure!

It also appears his arms have fallen off! This is just the beginning folks!

Spearthrower wrote:

Mazille wrote:So move the coffee belt, or breed varieties more resistant to excessive rain.

Desist with your balanced and logical reasoning - it's not welcome here! This thread is about one thing: Fear and Panic... well, two things: fear, panic and the horrors of a coffee-less existence... no three things!

Mazille wrote:It will happen. No way anyone would let one of the top cash crops just die.

Aha! That's more like it - there's a conspiracy in there somewhere: you work on it a bit, then we can open a website with random sized fonts in absurd colours against a background which is far too busy to read text on!

Sorry. I meant:

I don't even drink coffee because I don't like the way CNS stimulants do me—and I've tried several, with proper scripts of course—but if coffee disappears outdoors, it'll probably start being cultivated indoors, or replaced with some kind of ersatz GMO fungus product or something due to its habit-forming nature.