Posted: Jun 20, 2011 5:21 pm
Ironclad wrote:I have never known my father and from time to time it made me quite distressed when I thought about where he was, what he was like, why he was gone.. and that. Some years ago I discovered that he had disowned his mother when he found out that she and my mother were infrequently communicating, an attempt to allow me an avenue should I wish it; this really spun me out - now I felt he never ever wanted to know about me.
Things were difficult when I was smaller, we had no money and mother had a few relationship disasters that ranged from twattage to full-on violence. It's pretty hard on a kid growing up with little stability, without a father - not even an alienated/divorced father - this guy simply wanted nothing to do with me whatsoever.
At times I feel dread bitterness toward this 'man' and still some of that childhood confusion, which is why, occasionally, I ponder on this question: as a 42 year old man now (me) can I sue this guy? Can I track him down and force him to pay for... what? Neglect? Missing child support?
He must be 60 by now. Do I track him down and run crying into his hesitant arms? Do I track him down and smash his face in? Should I find him, shame him, fine him?? Questions questions..
I, unfortunately, agree with Cameron. But I understand the objections too.
That's a shame you grew up feeling like that and still have bad feelings. I wonder if it's because you're in your 40's? My eldest has never had contact with her father but is totally cool about it, she's 24. The most I'd say is she occasionally gets a bit curious and talks about tracking him down but not to have a go at him or even to build a relationship. Just plain nosiness.