Posted: Nov 05, 2021 6:28 am
This morning I listened to the new ABBA album - turned it off now, because it just sent me into floods of tears.
"You weren't the man you could've been, but you can be that man now, I wasn't the woman I could've been but I can be that woman now".
Except you can't. I've had my mother-in-law on my mind in the past days while I've been in a whole lot of pain, and I don't know what I've don't differently but the pain I've learnt to live with is so much worse that I can't empty the dishwasher without having to take to my bed afterwards. Still it needs doing and the men help but packing it where I want things to go, hurts.
I hated my mother-in-law. She was an awful, interfering busybody, like Hyacinth Bucket in "Keeping up appearances" that show is her, except for the clothes. She was a snob of the highest order, and I was her victim. I won't go into the long story, but suffice to say that the divorce allowed me not to ever have to speak to her again. Except when she was dying and she knew it, she phoned me, asked me to bring Barry to meet her, and to just let her say goodbye to me. I said I would, but before I could make the time, she was dead. Now I regret that I didn't make things right between us before sit was to late.
That song brought this back to me this morning. We spend so much of our youth on nonsense we forget almost as soon as it's happened: wearing fashionable clothes, buying the latest model car, being invited to parties, entertaining people who mean nothing to us, and who we probably don't see after the dinner they come to at our homes, and then never invite us back, and the shoes, OMG women know about the shoes. I worked with a woman who had a complete conniption every time I wore my favourite white shoes. So much time wasted on so much nonsense, when in no time at all we're staring death in the face and we can't go back and invest the money for those shoes, that party, that dinner, that new car, in our old age so we can have a little extra cash when we need it for a comfortable chair to rest in when our bones hurt.
I'm not depressed, I'm just filled with regret about things not done, and time wasted on things that now mean absolutely nothing in the greater scheme of my life.
"You weren't the man you could've been, but you can be that man now, I wasn't the woman I could've been but I can be that woman now".
Except you can't. I've had my mother-in-law on my mind in the past days while I've been in a whole lot of pain, and I don't know what I've don't differently but the pain I've learnt to live with is so much worse that I can't empty the dishwasher without having to take to my bed afterwards. Still it needs doing and the men help but packing it where I want things to go, hurts.
I hated my mother-in-law. She was an awful, interfering busybody, like Hyacinth Bucket in "Keeping up appearances" that show is her, except for the clothes. She was a snob of the highest order, and I was her victim. I won't go into the long story, but suffice to say that the divorce allowed me not to ever have to speak to her again. Except when she was dying and she knew it, she phoned me, asked me to bring Barry to meet her, and to just let her say goodbye to me. I said I would, but before I could make the time, she was dead. Now I regret that I didn't make things right between us before sit was to late.
That song brought this back to me this morning. We spend so much of our youth on nonsense we forget almost as soon as it's happened: wearing fashionable clothes, buying the latest model car, being invited to parties, entertaining people who mean nothing to us, and who we probably don't see after the dinner they come to at our homes, and then never invite us back, and the shoes, OMG women know about the shoes. I worked with a woman who had a complete conniption every time I wore my favourite white shoes. So much time wasted on so much nonsense, when in no time at all we're staring death in the face and we can't go back and invest the money for those shoes, that party, that dinner, that new car, in our old age so we can have a little extra cash when we need it for a comfortable chair to rest in when our bones hurt.
I'm not depressed, I'm just filled with regret about things not done, and time wasted on things that now mean absolutely nothing in the greater scheme of my life.