Posted: Oct 02, 2017 11:40 pm
Years ago eldest son was bullied for a while in primary school. Nothing too major. We advocated telling the teachers etc. and got a bit involved with the school. Eventually it petered out.
I remember my wife at the time relating a conversation she'd had with another kid's mum, who was a lot more working class and less right-on than us, in which she'd said "I tell my kid that if anyone hit's him, he's to hit them straight back". We both thought this was terrible and felt a bit sorry for her.
But reflecting on it later, I thought that's what we do/advocate/condone in adult life. Most of us abhor any instigation of violence, yet if someone instigates it against you all bets are off. You do what you have to do - and have the right to do what you have to do - to defend yourself. Surely we should raise our kids with a realistic idea of how they're going to have to live as adults?
I think also because I work in schools, and they're all big on anti-bullying policies etc, you can get sucked into thinking of the protective system as infallible. You just tell the teachers what is going on and all will be sorted out for you. A lot of the time that does work, and it should of course be the first recourse. But it can't work 100% of the time, just as in adult life the police and courts aren't 100% successful even in catching violent criminals after the act, much less preventing violence in the first place. We don't tell a woman confronted by an attacker in a dark alley not to fight because it will all be OK when she tells the police in the morning. It may be unwise in some circumstances to fight, but it's never morally wrong. If she has a knife and is confident she can slice his balls off, then good on her. Surely the same goes for a kid in a similar position of self defence?
I remember my wife at the time relating a conversation she'd had with another kid's mum, who was a lot more working class and less right-on than us, in which she'd said "I tell my kid that if anyone hit's him, he's to hit them straight back". We both thought this was terrible and felt a bit sorry for her.
But reflecting on it later, I thought that's what we do/advocate/condone in adult life. Most of us abhor any instigation of violence, yet if someone instigates it against you all bets are off. You do what you have to do - and have the right to do what you have to do - to defend yourself. Surely we should raise our kids with a realistic idea of how they're going to have to live as adults?
I think also because I work in schools, and they're all big on anti-bullying policies etc, you can get sucked into thinking of the protective system as infallible. You just tell the teachers what is going on and all will be sorted out for you. A lot of the time that does work, and it should of course be the first recourse. But it can't work 100% of the time, just as in adult life the police and courts aren't 100% successful even in catching violent criminals after the act, much less preventing violence in the first place. We don't tell a woman confronted by an attacker in a dark alley not to fight because it will all be OK when she tells the police in the morning. It may be unwise in some circumstances to fight, but it's never morally wrong. If she has a knife and is confident she can slice his balls off, then good on her. Surely the same goes for a kid in a similar position of self defence?