Posted: Oct 13, 2012 5:34 pm
by Final Fantasy
Hi, thanks for your replies. :)

Ironclad wrote:What do you need first? Some way to calm your mind (insomnia etc etc) i'd suggest.

Where are you from? Your family are not in Plymouth, right? I'm not far from you, I'd have thought Uni life would have given you freedoms, new friends & a distance from overbearing family, but it doesn't seem so, why is that?

I am prescribed some diazepam by my GP to be taken as required and Mirtazapine for the insomnia (although it rarely works).

No they're not from Plymouth, but Wales. I'm at university. Yes, at first the uni life was great with a new-found freedom, but I'm in my final year now and thinking long-term is depressing, about what is to potentially come. I want to get away, but if I do, I risk losing loved ones.

Ihavenofingerprints wrote:Get yourself sorted out first (as in self-dependent). It seems like a problem that there is no quick fix too. So trying to help everyone at once might take longer than just going one step at a time (yourself, then your siblings, ect..)

Thanks, that's what I keep telling myself, that I need to get myself sorted out first and financially secure etc.

tuco wrote:Well, I do not think anyone can really help you as you need to help - sort it out for - yourself.

The notion that your mum would be devastated and traumatized for ever can be, and probably is, false. The advice given to you on another board is just one opinion. Parents usually love their kids no matter what and those who do not - and love their faith, job, social status, etc, more - are probably not worth to be tied to in the way you describe. I know it sounds harsh but such is life. Sometimes the only way to have a peace with oneself is to become radical and stand up for what one feels strongly about rather than trying to conform to others, family, friends, society included, and their wishes. And if you would succeed, you'd help your siblings too. Of course, asking for advice on internet is probably not the best idea, and of course it you who needs to make the decision. Listening to too many people who have no idea whats going on in your head, your family, your life is not going to help much in my opinion.

I understand, cheers. Problem with standing up for myself regarding this is it is very scary and I feel trapped with no options and not in control. This isn't like high school bullying anymore, the consequences are much severe. I'm afraid that I'd never get to see my siblings again too, or that my parents will become even more strict and take their anger out on them. Already there's been massive arguments, in particular my sister not wanting to wear a hijab (they accepted it in the end but are bitter about it and blamed me for planting thoughts in her head... she's a smart girl, asks questions and they don't like controversial questions about religion/culture), I feel she has much potential in life but is limited by religion and culture.

I asked advice on the internet because I don't know who else to talk to (sounds sad I guess, but really there is no one to talk about this or would understand).

james1v wrote:How old are your siblings?

I'm the eldest. Sisters are 18 and 13, brother is 12.

z8000783 wrote:
tuco wrote:The notion that your mum would be devastated and traumatized for ever can be, and probably is, false.

This is a good point.

Your Mother (/parents) will be religious but for a reason, normally because they believe that is the correct/best way to live your life. As said earlier, first things first. Sort yourself out, get a place, a job and all the other things you need, assuming of course this is want you want to do. If you want to party on the beaches of Vietnam then that's not so much of a problem.

What will be important to your parents is how you live your life. They have a set of values they have derived fro their religion but the values themselves are not necessarily religious. What do you think of them? Are they good? Good enough to live your life by especially when you're in their company?

I expect they disapprove of drink so don't drink when you are with them. But it's more than that. They disapprove of alcohol because of the effects it can have so don't drink to excess - ever. Can you do that?

In other words, show them that you can still live to their values without their religion behind you. It will take time and hard work and there is no guarantee that it will be successful but it will give you the opportunity to maintain the relationship with them that you appear to want.

Good luck.


If they found out I drank, they'd probably die of shock but not before killing me :drunk: I lead a relatively happy non-religious life at uni, I want to keep it that way, I do not want to be constrained by anyone's god, goddess, cult or whatever. And I don't want to be judged or punished for that choice. :(

Thanks for your advice man, they are strict (no pork, no alcohol etc.). When it comes down to it, they are good people that strive to lead good lives, religion just somehow... corrupts it. I hate it so much, why does it have to do this? Why does religion and culture split loved ones apart and destroy relationships if you no longer want to be a part of it?! :whine: