Posted: Jan 01, 2017 9:22 pm
PensivePenny wrote:KIR... I can't even begin to imagine what psychotic episodes and delusion are like. But, I can relate to the fear of going to hell. It took me from the age of 16 when I last went to church to the age of about 34 before I could shirk the "agnostic" moniker for "atheist." It was a struggle for me. I thought about things like theism, existentialism and the like almost daily. I was very introspective. Fear of hell is the one thing that prevented me donning the "atheist" badge. I still think about theism and existentialism sometimes, but now, I imagine IF there IS a god, when I stand before him in on judgement day, I'm going to slap the beard off him and ask, "Are you fucking kidding me? How dare you command US to behave morally in a way YOU have never managed to."
Seriously, if I had had delusions of hell like you describe, I doubt I could have ever escaped. You have my admiration. I have mostly beaten the depression I use to experience. All of it a result of reconciling reality with the shit I was taught as a child. Cost me my parents, aunts uncles, cousins and sibling, but such is life. Keep up with those meds! You have good incentive.
The atheist/agnostic labels aren't mutually exclusive you know. I lack belief in gods but it is hypothetically possible one/many exist so I'm an atheist and an agnostic. That leaves the door wide open for a fucked up paranoid trip of Messiah complex, visions of hell, thinking natural sounds are god's communications to you etc. I was raised atheist/agnostic so never had to leave anything behind. I hope you get on ok with your rellies these days - you only get one set. I'm currently not on speaking terms with my father and it causes me severe nightmares and much waking anguish too. He's so fucked up, but it's not his fault, he had a fucked up childhood. But as I always say - people aren't responsible for their actions but we have to hold them responsible never the less! FFS this planet is jokes.
