Posted: Jan 01, 2017 9:47 pm
Keep It Real wrote:
The atheist/agnostic labels aren't mutually exclusive you know. I lack belief in gods but it is hypothetically possible one/many exist so I'm an atheist and an agnostic. That leaves the door wide open for a fucked up paranoid trip of Messiah complex, visions of hell, thinking natural sounds are god's communications to you etc. I was raised atheist/agnostic so never had to leave anything behind. I hope you get on ok with your rellies these days - you only get one set. I'm currently not on speaking terms with my father and it causes me severe nightmares and much waking anguish too. He's so fucked up, but it's not his fault, he had a fucked up childhood. But as I always say - people aren't responsible for their actions but we have to hold them responsible never the less! FFS this planet is jokes.
I'm afraid the ship has sailed with my "rellies." I haven't seen or heard from them in 10 years? Maybe more. They shut me out. I could understand if I was the cause of a lot of grief growing up, but I wasn't. Mostly religious differences. Never been in any legal trouble, criminal or civil. I have low expectations of people, just love me, have my back on the rare occasions I need it. I guess that's expecting to much
Every so often I get to feeling sentimental and google my family. A few years ago, I discovered my one and only sibling, 15 years my junior, had died. I keep a copy of his obit on my fridge to remind me it wasn't a dream. When he was 14, he lived with me because my parents (separated) couldn't or wouldn't give him the attention he needed. He stayed with me through the 8th grade, almost the whole school year. He went from failing (would have been the second time he was held back a year) to being on the dean's list (honor roll, A's and B's). I actually failed to finish my own studies because I spent so much time with him. At least I showed him he "could" do it if he wanted. It was his choice after that.
Anyway... it still hurts. But, what can you do, right? Life deals some of us shitty hands.