Posted: Dec 15, 2015 3:40 pm
EvertVd wrote:I am trying to understand other people.
So am I. Although I've reached the point where I'm pretty sure it is a fools errand and frankly I don't want to get inside the heads of the people I don't understand.
EvertVd wrote: I am trying to learn by watching and listening to others and trying to 'feel' it.
And you'll come up short when you don't "feel" it.
There are people, like you, who agonise over the fact that they don't "feel" the meaning in things that other people do and convince themselves that there is something wrong with themselves. Rather than just accept "that's not for me and that is perfectly fine."
Lots of people, men mainly, in the UK like sports. In particular the sport of "foot the ball." Me. I don't get it. I provides zero entertainment or interest for me. I've been criticised by others for this in the past, for daring to not conform to the normality of liking football. Fuck them.
Over the years I've learned to trust my instincts for stuff I do like and try not to be steered by what appeals to others.
EvertVd wrote:The world is not as big anymore as it once was.
Whilst I appreciate you are using a turn of phrase here, the reality is that the world is still as big as it once. The vast majority of the Earth's surface is not inhabited by human beings. There are still hermits in the world to this day and an abundance of remote places to go hermit in.
EvertVd wrote:Besides I guess fear of being truly alone might keep me from making that step. That said I did live once for a few years in an isolated part of the world. Until one day a government official from that country came by and put me on a plane because I didn't have the right papers. I won't pretend that time of my life was happy, but it was easier somehow, but also very, very, very lonely. I missed looking at people through my window, seeing them living their lives. I am an observer I think. I live by proxy.
It is a weird need to see human beings on a regular basis but, I do know what you mean. Sometimes I wonder which is worse, to be truly alone and not be able to reach out to another human being, or to live amongst people and still be unable to reach out? As an individual with a history of depression and generalised anxiety disorder, I've plenty of experience of the latter, little of the former.
I suggest that you take the "fear of being truly alone" and put that to one side. Then look at what it was about that time in your life that made you happy.
EvertVd wrote:I sometimes play with the idea of using drugs...just to see if that helps. Haven't so far, again I'm to scared I think.
It didn't do much for me. I've tried to "squeegee my third eye" and I'm afraid no great universal epiphany was forthcoming.
However, I am me and you are you. So be steered by your own thoughts on the matter rather than by what I experienced.