Posted: Nov 02, 2018 12:16 pm
Hack, we spoke about this earlier this morning. As I told you, I was thinking about you earlier this week, and trying to figure out how to find out if anyone knew what had happened to you. Then you were back on Facebook, and I was pleased to see that. I'm happy for the news of your engagement, but sad that you're still having to fight battles to resolve real world issues. I truly hope you can figure it out, you deserve to be happy.
I have spoken at some length elsewhere about how traumatic this year has been for me, and how changing my entire life has, well, changed my life. I read through your blog post, twice, it is exactly what it is. Changing my life seemed selfish to the people who kept trying to help me fight my own depression, just like when I expressed not wanting to live, they said I was being "selfish" and "think of your kids, and grandkids". That's the point, you're actually not able to "think of..." you just want it to stop. But then the solution came to me, and after shock and horror, and accusations of "selfishness", and five months after the big move back home, it's still there, the sleeping dog, but I go into the garden to my son who is no longer a mess of self-loathing, I take him some tea, and a cheese scone, have a little chat about his studies, and I feel I've done the right thing, and the black dog goes back to sleep. So I get it. I'm able to be back here again, baby steps. Not quite up to having a roaring row with internet people just yet, but then last week I did take on a pair of trumpsters, so I'm getting there. At least I walked away when I'd said my piece, this is a good sign, not wanting to win the war, just that one battle. It does get better, you know it does. Just take one step at a time, and talk to people who care, who understand. As I said, I'm so pleased you're back. I missed you.
I have spoken at some length elsewhere about how traumatic this year has been for me, and how changing my entire life has, well, changed my life. I read through your blog post, twice, it is exactly what it is. Changing my life seemed selfish to the people who kept trying to help me fight my own depression, just like when I expressed not wanting to live, they said I was being "selfish" and "think of your kids, and grandkids". That's the point, you're actually not able to "think of..." you just want it to stop. But then the solution came to me, and after shock and horror, and accusations of "selfishness", and five months after the big move back home, it's still there, the sleeping dog, but I go into the garden to my son who is no longer a mess of self-loathing, I take him some tea, and a cheese scone, have a little chat about his studies, and I feel I've done the right thing, and the black dog goes back to sleep. So I get it. I'm able to be back here again, baby steps. Not quite up to having a roaring row with internet people just yet, but then last week I did take on a pair of trumpsters, so I'm getting there. At least I walked away when I'd said my piece, this is a good sign, not wanting to win the war, just that one battle. It does get better, you know it does. Just take one step at a time, and talk to people who care, who understand. As I said, I'm so pleased you're back. I missed you.