Posted: Mar 17, 2017 9:36 pm
MattHunX wrote:Watched Assassin's Creed.
Mh. Could've been better, with more of a story and background. The fights were good. The femme assassin was gorgeous. She's a Greek-born French actress. That back-flip from the wagon, off the side of the rocks and back on the wagon was awesome.
It was an interesting take on the animus. Could'be just gone with the chair-version, but this was equal parts weird, superfluous and cool.
Chase scenes and parkour was well-done, but could've been spiced up with more inventive traversal with combat on the move.
Jesus, what a shit movie. How could anyone who hasn't played a good portion of the games hope to get what is going on? I have and most of what happened made no sense.
What was Jeremy Iron's daughter in that movie for exactly? It's not so much that she constantly flip-flopped between having a conscience, being a stone-cold mad scientist and being a Templar, because that would imply that she actually did something at all. It's just that she constantly kept declaring intentions going different ways.
I didn't give a toss about any of the fuckers mucking about anyway. Everyone looked exactly like everyone else and kept talking the same rubbish. Have you listened to the exchanges between science chick and discount Desmond Miles? Does that pass for conversations in that universe? Nobody did, or said, anything of worth. What the fuck kind of writing is that, when your main character is even blander than fucking Desmond Miles, aka Blandy McGee?
Why in the fact does a secure facility swarming with guards only equip them with sticks, knives and fucking crossbows? Incredibly handy for containing a population adept at close quarters combat, right? Fucksticks. And what the fuck is it with all Templar soldiers in 149-fucking-2 looking like an army of hipsters going through a goth phase during a LARP tournament?
By the way, how did discount Desmond break the Animus exactly? He took a leap of faith, threw something into the water right before landing and the fucking thing broke and science chick mutters "A Leap of Faith!" in stunned reverence, like it explains anything at fucking all. The fuck?
Mainly, though, it's one thing that bothers me most. Remember what you mostly spend your time with in the games? Running around historical places, doing parkours and stabbing dudes. Not even a fifth of the fucking movie takes place in the fucking past. Why on Earth would I want to watch a boring Matrix-alike set in a boring concrete facility when I could be watching people somersaulting off towers and landing blade first on a bunch of armoured dudes?