Posted: Jan 04, 2020 12:01 pm
by aban57

Britain is expected to achieve its zero-carbon targets almost thirty years early after Bram Stoker was discovered to be spinning in his grave at over 72,000 rpm overnight.

Seismologists had noticed a faint hum from Stoker’s last resting place on Thursday evening, which rose to a staggering speed at about 9:15 yesterday evening and shows no sign of abating.

”We quickly plugged him into a turbine and now he’s powering Wales and most of the South West on his tod,” explained power engineer Simon Williams.

”It’s a mystery what might have caused this to happen. Stoker has occasionally shifted in his eternal sleep – there was what’s known as the ‘Keanu disturbance’ in 1992, for example, but this is unprecedented.