#1 by Ihavenofingerprints » Mar 04, 2012 5:32 pm
Begin your 'Generic Unified Theory' by repeating the definition a widely accepted scientific theory. This gives viewers the impression you know what you are talking about, and it keeps their bullshit meter at bay for the time being. In order to plant some uncertainty in the viewers' mind, the rest of the introduction should highlight an instance where scientists in this particular field have been wrong about something in the past.
Use the 2nd paragraph to introduce your 'unified theory'. Outline the two scientific ideas it will be "unifying", and give an example of two similar ideas that have been unified in the past. At this point it is good to remind everyone that everyone shot down Galileo and Newton when they first released their ideas, so any criticism will be brushed off as insignificant in the big scheme of things.
By now the viewer is completely baffled by the ambiguous nature of this post so it might be a good time to introduce your premises. Remember to be vague, and use terminology that can be interpreted in a number of ways to ensure any objections to the theory can be brushed off as a misunderstanding. End the paragraph with an obvious factual statement (ie: the sky is blue) as if it supports your ideas, giving the illusion that the viewer can accept your premises on common sense/basic logic alone. No need for evidence!
There isn't much more you need to say, and just about everyone will be lost on you by now. But confusion is the key, so keep the post going as long as possible. In the 4th paragraph list a bunch of authors/books/articles that remotely support what you are saying, giving an illusion that you have actual academic sources for your claims. It's now been a while since you've discredited science/mathematics, so remind everyone that new information can't arise naturally and that your theory is the only alternative.
Once you have insulted science, mathematics, logic and probably common sense as well, a lot of people are going to be slightly pissed of. Therefore you should end the post with a shot at religion or the flat earth society in an attempt to win everyone back.
Remind everyone once more that this theory is the ONLY alternative to the problems you have raised above, and let them know how privileged they are to have you on their forum to answer their burning questions. THE END.