A friend recently advised me to approach the situation with my husband in the same way that families/friends of cult members approach de-programming their loved ones. She basically said that I have to understand that he's been brainwashed by religion, and that he needs to be handled that way - i.e. not a big debunk, but a more gradual process.

I have a couple of questions:
1. Do you think this is good advice? (I'm kind of inclined to think it is.)
2. Can you recommend any good articles or books on brainwashing for me to read?

Cheers.

Deprogramming involves isolating your husband from his religion, gonna be hard. But you could ask rather difficult questions which might have the same effect over time. Don't debate them as it makes the person defensive, just listen and state your opinion when they ask it. The point is, by repeating the difficult questions in various different ways, the person might find it increasingly hard to ignore the logical contradictions, which will cause them to become doubtful about their faith's integrity. Once that's happened, it can be eroded by debate from there. The best thing to do is to ask the same question in different contexts.

On the basis that you are interested to hear reasons:
* If everything had to have a creator, who created god?
* Why does the bible oppose homosexuality so much when it occurs in all animals? (Show them some google pictures if they doubt it!)
* If god loves us, why is there suffering in this world?
* If there's only one god, why are there so many religions?
* If there is only one truth, why can no one Christian agree on even the basic principles?
* Why can't god just destroy the devil?
* How can god love us if he is willing to allow us to go to hell?
* If everything is the result of god, then surely evil is the result of god?
* If a man met god and asked god to create a rock so big he couldn't make it; it would mean that either god can't move the rock and therefore is not powerful or cannot create such a rock, in which he is not powerful. How does Christianity reconcile such a thought experiment?
* Does god send kind hearted non-believers to hell?

All the questions are loaded and will potentially throw any poor theist into confusion. After that point you can softly state your opinion that it makes more sense to me that there is no god.

However angry his opinions make you, you must respect them. If you don't learn to do that then your marriage might just be in jeopardy.

bookmarking.

I agree that it has to be a gradual process. I suppose I've only ever asked those questions you mention, Paul1, as a kind of challenge in a confrontational situation. I think perhaps continuing to ask them is a good idea, but my main concern is that the brainwashing extends to the so-called "answers" as well. There are standard (apologetic and doctrine-based) answers to these questions which theists seem to think end debate on the matter - as in "I already answered that", without acknowledging that such answers themselves raise questions.

jaydot - I think you are right about not mentioning religion, but it's hard living with a theist who goes to church every week, studies the bible and reads devotionals every morning - very hard to not be aware of that/mention it.

Does anyone know any good texts on brainwashing?

Have you considered straightforward couples therapy? I'm sure they get this kind of dispute regularly.

Some books I found on Amazon.com:

[*] Brainwash - The Secret History of Mind Control (by Dominic Streatfeild)
[*] Brainwashing - The Science of Thought Control (by Kathleen Taylor)
[*] The Manipulated Mind - Brainwashing, Conditioning and Indoctrination (by Denise Winn)
[*] Battle for the Mind - A Physiology of Conversion and Brainwashing (by William Sargent)
[*] Combatting Cult Mind Control - The #1 Best-selling Guide to Protection, Rescue, and Recovery from Destructive Cults (by Steven Hassan)

I haven't read them though, so I've no idea if they're any good.

Bolero wrote:I have a couple of questions:
1. Do you think this is good advice? (I'm kind of inclined to think it is.)
2. Can you recommend any good articles or books on brainwashing for me to read?

You could try Rick Ross's forum: http://forum.rickross.com/ Though you should keep in mind that they dont consider mainstream religions to be cults or dangerous groups, and the board is appallingly moderated.

I agree that it's accurate to think of religious people as brainwashed just the same as cult members, but I don't know how that's different from how you've already been looking at this all along or what different techniques come from it.

I've heard some high-profile atheist/scientist explain in debates, for example, that one doesn't have to be an atheist to accept certain well-established scientific theory and the like. So I think that is a good approach, when trying to deprogram a religious person. Soften them up to the more "controversial" or confrontational topics/information by first expanding their horizon within their own narrow worldview.

This is something I've proposed for the education of religious children*, as well. I consider religious adults infantile, like children, anyway. So the same might work with both groups. Tell them how their god is more awesome than they'd previously been told by feeding them some information about science and discoveries, the known universe, through a narrative that doesn't appear hostile to them, but one that simply wished to show them more of their god's glory if they'd care to indulge you.

*My old thread on that: http://www.rationalskepticism.org/educa ... en#p781773