Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

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Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

#1  Postby Keep It Real » Jun 05, 2016 2:27 pm

There are dozens of worthwhile projects any of us could be embarking upon at any given time. What stops me is that the benefit from the project might not match the effort expended in it's accomplishment. I'm a coward - I fear the commitment. Risk aversion. However, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Perhaps it's conditioning - I have seen the fruits of my labours fail in the past and this colours my expectation about the outcome of future projects. I think this problem could be the root of much human misery.

Do you fear commitment? If not, why not and can you please tell me how to emulate your optimistic outlook?!
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Re: Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

#2  Postby laklak » Jun 05, 2016 3:25 pm

I don't have an optimistic viewpoint, just the opposite in fact. I make the assumption that whatever project I'm embarking on will be a complete and utter clusterfuck. That way I'm not disheartened by the inevitable issues and problems, and am pleasantly surprised when it all turns out OK in the end. Blind optimism is a sucker's game.
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Re: Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

#3  Postby Keep It Real » Jun 05, 2016 3:35 pm

Interesting, although I don't understand how you motivate yourself to do the project if you think it will end in failure. I don't think you're being entirely honest TBH, no offence, maybe you just haven't thought about it in that way.
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Re: Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

#4  Postby laklak » Jun 05, 2016 3:43 pm

Must be genetics, Scots-Irish stubbornness, my Dad was the same. You just decide you have to do it and get on with it. It's more an act of pure will than motivation. Like making the bed in the morning, I cannot see ANY reason to do it but I make it every morning anyway, because that's what one does. I could easily slide into a life of slobbing around in a bathrobe and drinking by noon, but I know that way lies disaster. I force myself to do a series of mind-numbing routines, like making the bed, making sure no dirty dishes remain overnight, walking dogs twice a day, etc. A object in motion and all that.

I did go all slacker after I first retired 7 years ago, but after maybe 8 or 9 months I was going stir crazy and getting depressed. I know me, I'm prone to depression and The Drink (There's that Scots-Irish thing again), so I force myself to stay busy to keep the bad shit at bay. So far it's working. My Dad did exactly the same thing till he got too old and sick to physically DO the stuff. At that point he sat in a chair for four years till he eventually shot himself. I'd like to avoid that end if possible.
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The sky is falling! The sky is falling! - Chicken Little
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Re: Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

#5  Postby laklak » Jun 05, 2016 3:50 pm

The downside is I end up with so many projects on the go at once that it can get a bit overwhelming. At the moment I've got the garage rehab, two boats in various stages of repair and upgrade, another boat waiting in the wings, a large landscaping project, a new patio, and very soon a major construction project on a rental house. The danger is getting so overwhelmed you don't do anything at all, so I need to reevaluate priorities. Luckily I have Mrs. Lak, who is very good at lists and organization.
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The sky is falling! The sky is falling! - Chicken Little
I never go without my dinner. No one ever does, except vegetarians and people like that - Oscar Wilde
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Re: Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

#6  Postby Keep It Real » Jun 05, 2016 3:57 pm

laklak wrote:Must be genetics, Scots-Irish stubbornness, my Dad was the same. You just decide you have to do it and get on with it. It's more an act of pure will than motivation. Like making the bed in the morning, I cannot see ANY reason to do it but I make it every morning anyway, because that's what one does. I could easily slide into a life of slobbing around in a bathrobe and drinking by noon, but I know that way lies disaster. I force myself to do a series of mind-numbing routines, like making the bed, making sure no dirty dishes remain overnight, walking dogs twice a day, etc. A object in motion and all that.

I did go all slacker after I first retired 7 years ago, but after maybe 8 or 9 months I was going stir crazy and getting depressed. I know me, I'm prone to depression and The Drink (There's that Scots-Irish thing again), so I force myself to stay busy to keep the bad shit at bay. So far it's working. My Dad did exactly the same thing till he got too old and sick to physically DO the stuff. At that point he sat in a chair for four years till he eventually shot himself. I'd like to avoid that end if possible.


Jesus. Sorry to hear about your dad, man. The boredom is a real enemy no doubt and inactivity is it's partner in arms. An act of will you say? Stubbornness you say? I think I'm kind of the flexible sort - can talk myself out of anything. Perhaps I should aspire to be more stubborn. I said in another thread I wouldn't use non-belief in free will as an excuse for personal failings any more and so I won't go there. An act of pure will. I need to think about that. I think I might have lost my will during an episode with magic mushrooms shortly after uni lol. Well, it's Monday tomorrow. Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to....you get the idea. There's gold in work. Need to work.
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Re: Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

#7  Postby laklak » Jun 05, 2016 4:12 pm

It ain't easy and that's a fact. I find that getting moving in the first place it the hardest. I keep putting it off, having another cup of coffee, checking the forums one more time. But once I force myself to get moving the rest follows on. Helps if I have an actual plan, with milestones and all that rot. For today I need to 1) get all loose stuff picked up or secured in the yard as there's a tropical depression on the way b) bleed the steering on the trawler in case we need to move it because of said tropical depression and high winds. Once I check those off I can relax. However, I'm sitting here on the internet so I need to kick myself in the ass and get moving.
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The sky is falling! The sky is falling! - Chicken Little
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Re: Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

#8  Postby Pebble » Jun 05, 2016 4:20 pm

I agree a certain amount of optimism is key. I have two strategies - first I value the work more than the result, second, I have no objection to failure so long as it is not something that resulted from a failure of effort on my behalf. Most success is the result of learning from failures.
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Re: Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

#9  Postby Rachel Bronwyn » Jun 05, 2016 4:32 pm

I have no fear of commitment but an enormous fear of involvement!
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Re: Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

#10  Postby felltoearth » Jun 05, 2016 6:09 pm

laklak wrote:It ain't easy and that's a fact. I find that getting moving in the first place it the hardest. I keep putting it off, having another cup of coffee, checking the forums one more time. But once I force myself to get moving the rest follows on. Helps if I have an actual plan, with milestones and all that rot.


I have the same issue, inertia. On my computer I have John Cage's quote "Start Anywhere" as once starting something I will keep going. I set out the first tasks the night before and I also set up the coffee maker as having a cuppa is a motivator and hearing the beep of it finishing in the morning is the best alarm clock ever.
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Re: Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

#11  Postby surreptitious57 » Jun 06, 2016 11:39 am

I find it best to have a single goal with no time limit for then one can proceed entirely at one s own pace. And for me it is knowledge acquisition. I like it because although intellectually demanding it is physically unchallenging and so will not be problematic upon entering old age. I wish to die when I am eighty but as I have no wife I need something else to keep me company and so for me it is books. Also it might stop me from developing dementia later on and so that is another reason
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Re: Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

#12  Postby Animavore » Jun 06, 2016 1:12 pm

It's effort, innit?
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Re: Do you fear commitment? To what extent?

#13  Postby Keep It Real » Jun 08, 2016 4:15 pm

From tomorrow I'm going to start every week day with a workout, shower and writing at least 1000 words. I will be stubborn. I will value the work for itself. I will be optimistic. I managed to give up smoking so this ought to be a piece of cake!
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