Self Actualisation

What helps you be who you want to be?

Studies of mental functions, behaviors and the nervous system.

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Re: Self Actualisation

#21  Postby Wonderfeel » Jun 13, 2016 11:43 am

Keep It Real wrote:I struggle to be who I want to be. A drug/alcohol/tobacco free writer with an optimistic temperament. Why are these things so hard to achieve? I want them and yet they slip from my grasp as opposing, narrower, inferior? wants disrupt my flow. Does anybody have any tips on self actualisation? How to crystallise the ideal you into an irrefutable influence?

I really like your question Keep, and even though its a month later, I still want to share...

The bit about opposing wants seems to nail it for me; wanting to be not intoxicated, wanting to be not pessimistic, wanting to be not too slow at acheiving your first draft... these potentially are mis-alignments. Intentions that focus on the avoided thing.

Like the classic line: "DON'T THINK OF AN ELEPHANT...."

I have encountered many spiritual people who suggest self-actualisation is about transcending, being better than, our 'inferior' tendencies. That the path to happiness is avoiding sadness. The path to confidence is denying fear, etc etc etc

I sometimes end up in arguments with these people. I reckon at the end of the day that avoiding things is not effective. I am fairly spiritual, and I feel realness is crucial. That we need to accept our vulnerability, be okay with that, and when we set something for our future we do it with positive intention. Like for me getting over a certain smokable substance was around the intention of feeling bright and clear.

I will try and be clearer now, because I am saying two things:

1) Letting our hearts feel anything in any given moment is a way I have seen work many times, letting many people heal from their difficulties. Basically just softening, slowing, and letting the feelings flow.

2) Having a clear headspace on what we DO want is important, like the diamond you describe! Once we have surrendered our fears around feeling bad, then a new sort of 'optimism' emerges...

If we try to not inhabit the 'bad' parts of ourselves we are splitting our selves, suppressing denying. Trying not to ever feel useless is a futile aim. Sometimes we are going to feel like crap. Trying to stay positive is like trying to forever keep a balloon in the air. Inevitaly we feel terrible some times. Often drugs etc are a way of denying the negative feelings we are trying to avoid.

Whereas being willing to just flow with whatever is real in us feels like the road to full empowerment. It is in my experience anyhow! Accepting it all ironically brings more joy and contentment. And I would suggest wholeness - radical self-acceptance - is the key to self-actualisation. Plus not giving a fuck about getting it right when the first draught pours out !! :thumbup:
“The opposite of creativity is cynicism”
Esa Saarinen
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