Dear friends and family .....

Your endless deathbed visits RUINED my precious final moments with my husband

Anthropology, Economics, History, Sociology etc.

Moderators: Calilasseia, ADParker

Dear friends and family .....

#1  Postby the_5th_ape » Oct 04, 2014 1:33 pm

In an excoriating open letter that'll bitterly divide opinion, an anguished widow says the unsayable...
Many of those who have nursed a dying husband or wife will know the value of the precious last months spent with a loved one. But it’s also a time when friends and relatives feel compelled to visit. So should they intrude at a time of such intense sorrow and trauma? Michele Christie, 51, widowed in August when her husband Dick Mason died of cancer, believes not. Her provocative and heartfelt open letter will provoke a strong reaction...
Thanking God for sparing you in a natural disaster is like
sending a thank-you note to a serial killer for stabbing the family next door

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Best Answer
User avatar
the_5th_ape
THREAD STARTER
 
Posts: 3530
Male

Print view this post

Ads by Google


Re: Dear friends and family .....

#2  Postby DarthHelmet86 » Oct 04, 2014 3:06 pm

Yes because the friends and family that are visiting couldn't be doing it because they want to have a few precious final moments with a loved one. And I say this as a person who is spending those few precious moments with his mother before she passes on, hopefully it wont be a few months but it very well might be.
I. This is Not a Game
II. Here and Now, You are Alive
User avatar
DarthHelmet86
RS Donator
 
Posts: 10344
Age: 35
Male

Country: Australia
Australia (au)
Print view this post

Re: Dear friends and family .....

#3  Postby Fallible » Oct 04, 2014 3:42 pm

Seems to me that she's grieving, a large part of which process can be anger. Sometimes it can even be anger at the deceased for leaving. But the one grieving sometimes has trouble admitting that they feel angry at their loved one - I mean they're dead and usually not through any fault of their own - so it gets directed elsewhere. She says herself the letter is a catharsis.
She battled through in every kind of tribulation,
She revelled in adventure and imagination.
She never listened to no hater, liar,
Breaking boundaries and chasing fire.
Oh, my my! Oh my, she flies!
User avatar
Fallible
RS Donator
 
Name: Alice Pooper
Posts: 51607
Age: 48
Female

Country: Engerland na na
Canada (ca)
Print view this post

Re: Dear friends and family .....

#4  Postby DarthHelmet86 » Oct 04, 2014 3:48 pm

Working out your anger seems to be a pretty good thing at times, but letting it out and it going up on the internet are two different things. We have all said things when we are angry or sad or pleased that later on have realized were not the best things to say. Basically what I am saying is good that she wrote a letter bad that it got published, she really should have left it at writing it and putting it away for latter reading. Cause now her ideas are out there for the world and no matter how much time might change them they will be criticized for what they are now.

Getting angry at friends and family for wanting to see a dying person is not the friends and families problem. They should enjoy as much time as they can with the dying person and that amount of time should be decided by that dying person. It shouldn't be about the people who get to live it should be about the person who doesn't and what they want.
I. This is Not a Game
II. Here and Now, You are Alive
User avatar
DarthHelmet86
RS Donator
 
Posts: 10344
Age: 35
Male

Country: Australia
Australia (au)
Print view this post

Re: Dear friends and family .....

#5  Postby Fallible » Oct 04, 2014 3:56 pm

Nope, it's not their problem at all. Unfortunately sometimes the bereaved are consumed by their loss - and why wouldn't they be - and things like unfairly attacking people happen. They've just lost the most important thing in their life, they don't care about being unfair. Obviously this is just my opinion. I only hope that the ones she's lashing out at cut her some slack and can find it within them to forgive her, and that she finds herself sufficiently recovered at some point to perhaps apologise for slagging them off so publicly.
She battled through in every kind of tribulation,
She revelled in adventure and imagination.
She never listened to no hater, liar,
Breaking boundaries and chasing fire.
Oh, my my! Oh my, she flies!
User avatar
Fallible
RS Donator
 
Name: Alice Pooper
Posts: 51607
Age: 48
Female

Country: Engerland na na
Canada (ca)
Print view this post

Re: Dear friends and family .....

#6  Postby SafeAsMilk » Oct 04, 2014 4:04 pm

Well, that's the price of politeness. Instead of raging at people she "hinted at" when they were in the same room, they should have been firm and clear. What's the worst that could happen: they don't come to visit you anymore?

She even said she was on Facebook. Why not send a note saying: we have many visitors, please keep your visits very short? And then stick to it? It'd take some energy to manage that, but surely less energy than sitting there and trying not to rage while these people were eating up so much of what little time they had left together.

I sympathize with her position, but I think there's a time when social niceties need to go right out the window. Raging at people after the fact essentially makes a waste out of all that time and energy put into being nice.
"They call it the American dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it." -- George Carlin
User avatar
SafeAsMilk
 
Name: Makes Fails
Posts: 14599
Age: 41
Male

United States (us)
Print view this post

Re: Dear friends and family .....

#7  Postby monkeyboy » Oct 04, 2014 4:43 pm

SafeAsMilk wrote:Well, that's the price of politeness. Instead of raging at people she "hinted at" when they were in the same room, they should have been firm and clear. What's the worst that could happen: they don't come to visit you anymore?

She even said she was on Facebook. Why not send a note saying: we have many visitors, please keep your visits very short? And then stick to it? It'd take some energy to manage that, but surely less energy than sitting there and trying not to rage while these people were eating up so much of what little time they had left together.

I sympathize with her position, but I think there's a time when social niceties need to go right out the window. Raging at people after the fact essentially makes a waste out of all that time and energy put into being nice.

Pretty much what I was just about to write. Much anger people experience comes of a result of stifling oneself out of a wish to not offend at the outset. What starts as an irritation grows exponentially if left unchecked. A bit of blunt honesty can seem a little rude at times but it also gains you respect as one who speaks their mind, is honest and reliable and rather helpfully, one who does not suffer fools.
Perhaps if this unfortunate lady had spoken with the same candour and eloquence before her husband's death, she may have had a different experience.

Its not the same but at work, if I allow my staff too much of my time, I get no work done and have to start using my own time to catch up. I learned very quickly to schedule my day. I simply use a traffic light system. Red card on the door, no interruptions, I'm busy and either on the phone or meeting someone. Amber, I'm busy and it'd better be important, think about whether it could wait. Green card, I'm likely busy but not with anything so important it can't wait. If the door is open, pop in if you like. It works. At first, people seemed a little taken aback that I could insist on some me time but it means I get my work done faster and makes me more available than I would be otherwise. I probably have the red card up for less than 8hrs per week, amber probably the same. Means I'm available for staff management 3 days per week spread out. Works for all of us.
The Bible is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.
Mark Twain
User avatar
monkeyboy
 
Posts: 5473
Male

Country: England
England (eng)
Print view this post


Return to Social Sciences & Humanities

Who is online

Users viewing this topic: No registered users and 1 guest