We were having a debate in sociology over why women (most of the time it's a woman) wait for a man they love to return even after years and years have passed. Some people (like me) argued that it's irrational (especially if the man hasn't even promised to return just simply dissipated!!) while others (the rest of the females) were saying it's loyalty and a "virtue" to do this. I don't understand why some women will never move on from an ex or a lover who left and I don't understand the sciene behind it either. It just doesn't add up any light on this and sorry if it's a stupid topic or in the wrong place

i reckon it's an excuse they use so that they don't have to get married.

Such women are rare though aren't they? And doesn't this behavior occur also in men?

It is irrational, but then who ever thought love was a thing of reason?

Thommo wrote:I can't recall ever seeing, meeting or hearing of such a person outside of fiction. So it's hard to make as much as an educated guess.

Probably doesn't really happen to any significant degree.

I have one great aunt and one great uncle, same family, who never took another once the first love was gone.
They are not necesarily statistically significant.

They lived in a different time and place Thommo. Both born early 1900's.
Brother and sister even.

inkaStepa wrote:We were having a debate in sociology over why women (most of the time it's a woman) wait for a man they love to return even after years and years have passed. Some people (like me) argued that it's irrational (especially if the man hasn't even promised to return just simply dissipated!!) while others (the rest of the females) were saying it's loyalty and a "virtue" to do this. I don't understand why some women will never move on from an ex or a lover who left and I don't understand the sciene behind it either. It just doesn't add up any light on this and sorry if it's a stupid topic or in the wrong place

There's an easy answer to this.

Love is irrational.

Honesty isn't very romantic. "You're one of the more moderately attractive women who have given me the time of day recently, and since I don't think I can do any better at this point, I'd love it if I could spend money to take you to dinner in the hopes of convincing you to come home with me afterwards and have sex with me."

What emotional need would precipitate a person, man or women, to abstain from an intimate relationship with other people while waiting for their lost/abdicated/dissipated love?
This behavior is not uncommon, and I would not be surprised to find that it has been researched. You might find information regarding this topic in your school's library or media section. Try Psych info or something along that line.
It’s funny that while reading your post I had this image of a dog laying on the front porch waiting for its master to come home. Every car that drove by would be greeted with a lifting of the dog's head and rising of its ears and a momentary wag of its tail in wishful anticipation.

I would also be interested to see how prevalent this behavior is across different age groups.

quote]The science?[/quote]

Sure

Emotions are predominantly chemical, and controlled in part from a genetic expression. There is science. We wouldn’t be far off the mark to say there is a chemical addiction to emotions.

Templeton wrote:

The science?

Sure

Emotions are predominantly chemical, and controlled in part from a genetic expression. There is science. We wouldn’t be far off the mark to say there is a chemical addiction to emotions.

I'm willing to go farther and say there is an addiction to emotions and consequently to the stimulus of the emotions and consequently to a person.

I'm going to echo, at least partially, the people here who say it only happens in movies. 4 of my friends, and a few others that I know, have been in jail. The girlfriend says they will wait for them, and a lot of them do, but that doesn't mean they're not off riding a load of people until the person gets out.

quote]The OP is talking about women who are waiting for their loved one for years after they have left. How long do these chemicals inducing romantic feelings remain in the bloodstream?[/quote]

This is, and is not, so much about the chemicals remaining in the bloodstream, rather it is more about the thought processes that initiate the chemical processes.
This is rather complex, but I will attempt to be concise.
Our cognitive functioning, thinking, is the result of memory recall from our neuro-network.
Our neuro-network is comprised of our memories and our emotional response to those memories. Our memories are specific neuro-pathways in the brain. For every experience we have, and maintain, we have a neuro-pathway and for each and every memory we also have an associatied chemical reaction, what we call an emotion. These emotional reactions are specific neuro-chemical signatures that are sent through out the body and communicate to the cells. These chemical signatures are read by the DNA and either reaffirm (which is usually the case) an existing genetic expression or help begin the process by which genetic expression may be changed.
How we respond to environmental impact in our lives is called our behavior. If for example we have the same environmental impact in our lives, (absent loved one) and we continue to behave the same (emotional reaction), we will continue to send the same messages to the DNA. If this happens the genetic expression sends the same messages to the brain, in effect creating a feedback loop. Unless we make a conscious decision to change the way we think, (here's where it gets tricky) we will continue to behave exactly as the chemical program dictates.
When we become aware of our actions, and consciously choose to overide the chemical program, then we can change our genetic expression.
This in effect is the process by which evolution is begun, with a change in behavior. The sticky part is consciousness. How is it proven? Our consciousness is the precursor to our cognitive function. Often known as awareness or perception. So how we preceive our environment dictates neuro-pathway initiation and its subsequent chemical emotional response.
If we continue to preceive an experience the same in our lives we will continue to think the same way. If we continue to think the same way we will continue to emote the same way, thereby sending the same chemical messages to the body and feedback to the brain. Eventually we have to jump over the rut, and change the perception, change the thought, change the response.

Sounds good Templeton, and plausible----except for the DNA part.

DNA reading. Messages sent to DNA.

Gallstones wrote:Sounds good Templeton, and plausible----except for the DNA part.

DNA reading. Messages sent to DNA.

Well, there was a rather broad amount of information to pack in to a couple paragraphs.

Perhaps I should have stated that the genetic code is within the DNA. The body communicates through neuro-chemical messengers, from the brain to the genes in a feedback loop back to the brain.
Better?

Templeton wrote:

Gallstones wrote:Sounds good Templeton, and plausible----except for the DNA part.

DNA reading. Messages sent to DNA.

Well, there was a rather broad amount of information to pack in to a couple paragraphs.

Perhaps I should have stated that the genetic code is within the DNA. The body communicates through neuro-chemical messengers, from the brain to the genes in a feedback loop back to the brain.
Better?

I think most of us understand what DNA is and what it does. The rest was very interesting.
I am appreciating your contributions to the topics.