Am I homophobic?

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Am I homophobic?

#1  Postby Adco » Jun 13, 2014 11:39 am

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homophobia
Homophobia encompasses a range of negative attitudes and feelings toward homosexuality or people who are identified or perceived as being lesbian, gay, .....

This could be delicate but here goes.....

Are non homosexuals predisposed to being homophobic to some degree?

This is what I experience: when I witness two gay guys kissing, like in a movie or in public, I cringe. (I have no problem watching two lesbians kissing) I have nothing against any homosexual person and have friends and family members who are gay and I accept and socialise with them without any problems. It is only when the guys smooch that I have to turn away or close my eyes because my brain tells me "I'm not enjoying what I see".

I want to discuss this so that I can learn from it. Is it me or is this a general feeling that other hetrosexuals also experience.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#2  Postby mindhack » Jun 13, 2014 11:48 am

You just cringe or do you do also other stuff, like feeling contempt, or an urge to destroy them?

I cringe when I think of my parents having raw horny sex, but I love them too.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#3  Postby Adco » Jun 13, 2014 11:55 am

mindhack wrote:You just cringe or do you do also other stuff, like feeling contempt, or an urge to destroy them?

I cringe when I think of my parents having raw horny sex, but I love them too.

I just cringe at the thought of two guys kissing. No contempt or urges to destroy. What they do is none of my concern and I make no judgement against them. It is the built in feeling I experience that I am questioning. Am I, as a hetrosexual, predisposed towards homosexuals? And if I am, is this a common feeling among hetrosexuals. Maybe I am reading too much into it.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#4  Postby Fallible » Jun 13, 2014 12:00 pm

Could it be that still now you don't see two men kissing as frequently as you do a man and a woman? Could it just be a kind of involuntary "well this is weird" type thing? That wouldn't explain why you don't get it when two women kiss, but maybe that's because you're sexually attracted to women..?
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#5  Postby mindhack » Jun 13, 2014 12:03 pm

Adco wrote:
mindhack wrote:You just cringe or do you do also other stuff, like feeling contempt, or an urge to destroy them?

I cringe when I think of my parents having raw horny sex, but I love them too.

I just cringe at the thought of two guys kissing. No contempt or urges to destroy. What they do is none of my concern and I make no judgement against them. It is the built in feeling I experience that I am questioning. Am I, as a hetrosexual, predisposed towards homosexuals? And if I am, is this a common feeling among hetrosexuals. Maybe I am reading too much into it.

Then I don't think you're homophobic. You're probably just projecting what you see onto yourself and find it not to your liking. You're a heterosexual after all.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#6  Postby Adco » Jun 13, 2014 12:14 pm

mindhack wrote:
Adco wrote:
mindhack wrote:You just cringe or do you do also other stuff, like feeling contempt, or an urge to destroy them?

I cringe when I think of my parents having raw horny sex, but I love them too.

I just cringe at the thought of two guys kissing. No contempt or urges to destroy. What they do is none of my concern and I make no judgement against them. It is the built in feeling I experience that I am questioning. Am I, as a hetrosexual, predisposed towards homosexuals? And if I am, is this a common feeling among hetrosexuals. Maybe I am reading too much into it.

Then I don't think you're homophobic. You're probably just projecting what you see onto yourself and find it not to your liking. You're a heterosexual after all.
I guess you're correct. I don't see myself as homophobic at all.

I am just trying to make a bit of sense out of it and see if I can understand where a full blown homophobic person might get their mindset from. Are heterosexuals(got the spelling right this time) predisposed to homophobia? Do all heterosexuals have a tiny bias against homosexuals and upbringing and indoctrination turns it into full blown homophobia?
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#7  Postby Thomas Eshuis » Jun 13, 2014 12:17 pm

Don't think so, but wouldn't know.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#8  Postby mindhack » Jun 13, 2014 12:24 pm

Adco wrote:
mindhack wrote:
Adco wrote:
mindhack wrote:You just cringe or do you do also other stuff, like feeling contempt, or an urge to destroy them?

I cringe when I think of my parents having raw horny sex, but I love them too.

I just cringe at the thought of two guys kissing. No contempt or urges to destroy. What they do is none of my concern and I make no judgement against them. It is the built in feeling I experience that I am questioning. Am I, as a hetrosexual, predisposed towards homosexuals? And if I am, is this a common feeling among hetrosexuals. Maybe I am reading too much into it.

Then I don't think you're homophobic. You're probably just projecting what you see onto yourself and find it not to your liking. You're a heterosexual after all.
I guess you're correct. I don't see myself as homophobic at all.

I am just trying to make a bit of sense out of it and see if I can understand where a full blown homophobic person might get their mindset from. Are heterosexuals(got the spelling right this time) predisposed to homophobia? Do all heterosexuals have a tiny bias against homosexuals and upbringing and indoctrination turns it into full blown homophobia?

I'm not some sort of expert on homophobia but my personal opinion is that it is a cocktail of bigotry, ignorance, primal icky-factor, self-esteem issues, status-among-peers kind of thing.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#9  Postby Made of Stars » Jun 13, 2014 1:11 pm

I think many of us still live with residual social conditioning against homosexuality too. We know better, but there's still some of that deep down ick-factor that doesn't belong, but still needs to be dealt with and overcome.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#10  Postby Agrippina » Jun 13, 2014 1:36 pm

Adco wrote:
mindhack wrote:You just cringe or do you do also other stuff, like feeling contempt, or an urge to destroy them?

I cringe when I think of my parents having raw horny sex, but I love them too.

I just cringe at the thought of two guys kissing. No contempt or urges to destroy. What they do is none of my concern and I make no judgement against them. It is the built in feeling I experience that I am questioning. Am I, as a hetrosexual, predisposed towards homosexuals? And if I am, is this a common feeling among hetrosexuals. Maybe I am reading too much into it.


I might be wrong, but I think it's possibly because it doesn't turn you on. Watching other people's sexual activity is exciting and stimulating. If that behaviour isn't something you find exciting and stimulating, it could be the reason why it makes you cringe.

I'm put off by people sticking tongues in each other's faces, or whatever. I remember feeling nauseous at a company cocktail party when I saw one of the bosses stick his tongue in a secretary's ear. This is because I find tongues and mouths revolting. I can't clean someone else's mouth (a cause of much stress in my nursing days), or even be in the same room as someone brushing their teeth, so I'm not turned on by tongue-lashing as I would be seeing men shamelessly wandering around a movie set in the nude.

I don't enjoy watching women in sex scenes, and I don't enjoy female nudity, and I'm sure it's to do with my extreme heterosexuality and not lesbian-phobia. I know that in my conscious mind I'm not at all prejudiced about other people's sexual behaviour, it's none of my business, and if they're happy, I'm happy for them, but I find some things extremely off-putting, as I said a lot of mouth and especially tongue-action, but also violence. Again some people can watch violent sex scenes in movies, and enjoy them, I can't. I have to see tenderness, and preferably a man wandering around the room boasting of his manliness. Yummy, but not the women. Doesn't do it for me.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#11  Postby Agrippina » Jun 13, 2014 1:44 pm

Fallible wrote:Could it be that still now you don't see two men kissing as frequently as you do a man and a woman? Could it just be a kind of involuntary "well this is weird" type thing? That wouldn't explain why you don't get it when two women kiss, but maybe that's because you're sexually attracted to women..?


Some men are actually turned on by watching women pleasure each other. So it could be a factor that a person who isn't "icky" about lesbian sex, could be happy to participate in a threesome. Not me, my ick factor could be because I was the object of desire of a woman once and she wouldn't be put off until I became angry and told her straight that I wasn't interested. Admittedly I was a total innocent and didn't understand why she wanted to dance with me, I don't know. Watching Game of Thrones, I must admit that the girl-on-girl action has what I have thought was a homophobic reaction in me, but I know I don't resent their enjoyment (even if it is fictional) I feel the same about Arizona and Callie in Grey's Anatomy, it doesn't do it for me, whereas Kevin McKidd and Sandra Oh is very hot. (Is it OK for an old person to admit that TV sex is hot?) But then Kevin McKidd, from the TV series Rome, was always a fantasy-figure for me. I'm sure it's just to do with preference being stimulated. :dunno:
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#12  Postby Agrippina » Jun 13, 2014 1:45 pm

mindhack wrote:You just cringe or do you do also other stuff, like feeling contempt, or an urge to destroy them?

I cringe when I think of my parents having raw horny sex, but I love them too.


OMG I remember my mother telling me about how she and my dad... :yuk: :yuk: :yuk:

She was 46 when she lost her leg and avoided him for ages after the external wounds healed, and then one night... I still feel creeped out by the story. :yuk:
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#13  Postby Agrippina » Jun 13, 2014 1:51 pm

Made of Stars wrote:I think many of us still live with residual social conditioning against homosexuality too. We know better, but there's still some of that deep down ick-factor that doesn't belong, but still needs to be dealt with and overcome.


Do you think it's possible that it's what's behind homophobia generally? That people feel revulsion for something that doesn't interest them sexually and then it's translated into a desire to remove it so that it doesn't offend their sensibilities?
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#14  Postby Nicko » Jun 13, 2014 2:15 pm

I think a lot of heterosexual people are squicked-out by displays of affection of the same-sex variety. Particularly between members of their own gender. I understand that gay porn is getting quite popular with straight women and lesbians have been a mainstay of straight male porn since ... forever. I remember in "Personal Relationships" class in high school, a quick sampling of attitudes revealed that the girls were squicked out by lesbians, the boys by gays with neither group giving much of a shit what homosexual people of the opposite gender did.

When I used to feel uncomfortable around gay people displaying physical affection for each other, I assumed the problem lay with me. It is the bigot who sees something different and assumes the problem lies with it.

On this - completely self-serving - basis, I declare that the OP is not a homophobe, simply because he is able to recognise that his feelings about what other consenting adults do to each other are his problem. Homophobia is when someone gets squicked-out by teh Gay and assumes it's the gay people's problem.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#15  Postby Made of Stars » Jun 13, 2014 2:18 pm

Agrippina wrote:
Made of Stars wrote:I think many of us still live with residual social conditioning against homosexuality too. We know better, but there's still some of that deep down ick-factor that doesn't belong, but still needs to be dealt with and overcome.

Do you think it's possible that it's what's behind homophobia generally? That people feel revulsion for something that doesn't interest them sexually and then it's translated into a desire to remove it so that it doesn't offend their sensibilities?

I don't know - there's a fair distance between 'not interested' and 'revulsion' though. I think in-group vs. out-group stuff probably has more to do with it, and demonising people who behave differently to the 'in-group'.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#16  Postby Scar » Jun 13, 2014 2:28 pm

This cringing it probably why many become homophobes... you tend to hate what you don't know.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#17  Postby Animavore » Jun 13, 2014 2:41 pm

I cringe when I see just about anybody smooching in public. Not sure what that makes me.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#18  Postby chairman bill » Jun 13, 2014 2:46 pm

Here's the thing - two women engaging in sexual activity is fine, 'cos I can imagine getting involved. Two blokes kissing, I really wouldn't want to be involved, and don't want to imagine what it would be like, thanks. Same goes for parents - I've no desire to stick my tongue down my mother's throat, so imagining parents ... no thanks. There's an element of disgust about it I think, and I suspect that is the basis of it. But none of that necessarily leads to homophobia. What does IMO, is looking at two gay men, being a bit turned on by it, and then hating yourself for that, with that hate then projected outwards on to the perceived cause of the trouble. And the stronger the expressed hatred, I suspect the stronger the repressed desire & so on.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#19  Postby BlackBart » Jun 13, 2014 2:48 pm

I can't stand rhubarb. The thought of eating rhubarb makes me cringe. However, I have no problem whatsoever with other people eating rhubarb if they enjoy it. Nor do I think they're odd or weird and I'd get very angry with anyone who treated rhubarb eaters as anything less than equal.
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Re: Am I homophobic?

#20  Postby Agrippina » Jun 13, 2014 2:48 pm

Made of Stars wrote:
Agrippina wrote:
Made of Stars wrote:I think many of us still live with residual social conditioning against homosexuality too. We know better, but there's still some of that deep down ick-factor that doesn't belong, but still needs to be dealt with and overcome.

Do you think it's possible that it's what's behind homophobia generally? That people feel revulsion for something that doesn't interest them sexually and then it's translated into a desire to remove it so that it doesn't offend their sensibilities?

I don't know - there's a fair distance between 'not interested' and 'revulsion' though. I think in-group vs. out-group stuff probably has more to do with it, and demonising people who behave differently to the 'in-group'.


Yes, you're probably right. I see a bit of this with inter-race couples, and the reaction to them. Some people will just ignore them and move on, others will rant on about "the children" or "mixed cultures" and so on. Also I think that being open-minded about other things helps to accept that which is different. I didn't know about homosexuality until I learnt about it in nursing, and that's also where I came across people who were gay, even though it wasn't displayed in public. Once I'd figured out that the thing I didn't like was that I'd been hit on by someone who didn't attract me, I started explaining my feelings about it in the same way that some men simply don't attract me. So I got over what I didn't like, but now, talking about how it affects me seeing it on TV, the way to explain it that makes sense to me, is that man-on-man doesn't bother me as much as woman-on-woman, possibly because I don't find women attractive anyway. Renly and the Martell boy, very sexy. :grin:
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