Yep.

The price of Werther's Originals seems to keep on rising above inflation. At this rate, i doubt i will be able to afford them when the time comes.

james1v wrote:The price of Werther's Originals seems to keep on rising above inflation. At this rate, i doubt i will be able to afford them when the time comes.

Maybe you should stock up!!

Oh and the other thing I keep telling them is that I'm feeling like I'm ready to move in to one of those assisted living places.....a man needs a maid....as Neil said.

What do you write about, Kenny? Philosophy?

laklak wrote:I've never thought my kids should take me in, but I do (or will, don't need it yet) expect a bit of help around the Old Home Place. Well, at least if they want any of it after I pop my clogs. Mrs. Lak is a traditionalist, I'm certain her mum will be living with us at some point in the next 10 years or so. Not a problem, I knew this when we got married. My parents lived in their own home and were independent till they died, which was great. I hope that's what happens to me. Actually, unless I'm too debilitated it will happen exactly like that because I'll take care of my exit.

I'm going to respond to each of you so I can concentrate on what I'm saying. Also thanks for the responses, all of you.

I'm with you on this one Lak, I'll live on my own for as long as I can. I don't have illusions about DH outliving me, unless some crisis makes me "pop my clogs." Despite all my creaking, I'm actually quite healthy, he isn't and I'm concerned about his mental acuity which seems to be deteriorating.

Mrs. Lak's gran is 90 and still living on her own, up in Geordieland. A nurse or carer comes round once a week but otherwise she's independent. Still gets the bus to Newcastle city market and walks up to the library. She's a tough old bird.

I think it's wonderful when old people can do that. I heard about a neighbour I had at the other village during our short stay there in 2011, she's gone into frail care now at 99, but at 95 when I knew her, she was still driving. I'd like to be like that.

kennyc wrote:

Agrippina wrote:

kennyc wrote:Well hell this is a depressing thread and it resembles me......

Unfortunately old age is very depressing when you realise that your plans aren't working out the way you thought they would.

I'm only becoming aware of that now as I see my neighbours battling with new technology, cars that are too old to run anymore, and no money to replace them, inadequate public transport, and so on. When we're young we think we'll always be as capable as we are, but then it all goes pear-shaped when something horrible happens, like a fall that completely changes your life.

Oh I understand.....just beginning to see the shadows on the wall myself. I live alone and am semi-retired at this point living off of savings from the prior job and trying to build up some income from writing. All my bills are paid off for the moment and I hope to be able to live from my 'early' retirement beginning next year...but it will be dicey...any major expense could throw a wrench in the works.....hell I'm only 62, I can't imagine trying to take care of everything round here in another 20 years.....gawd knows where my kids will be at that point, but I'd rather they not have to be spending their time caring for me.

I'm with you on that one. I also took early retirement so my income isn't as good as it would have been had I stayed working until 65. I couldn't do that, so I opted for the smaller income, but I do have my DH's income which will come to me if he goes before I do. So I'd be able to stay here, not as well off as I am now, but then I'd be one person living off two incomes, and there's the government one coming to me in about 18 months as well, so I'll be fine financially, it's the shopping that bothers me. I really battle to go to the shops on my own, so I'll have to rely on online shopping, and then rely on friends to take me out otherwise.

kennyc wrote:

Fallible wrote:.....
Yeah, could be. I actually think there is something else going on too whereby the elderly think of themselves as imposing on their kids if they go to live with them, this idea that we're all so busy now that we don't have the time to take care of each other. I know that's what prompted my grandparents to go into homes, and no amount of pleading or cajoling would talk them out of it.

Yep, see my previous post.

Even though all their lives I've told them I was going to end up living in their basement cause I have no retirement money. Not totally fictitious.

Which is why people need to be aware of how important it is to think about retirement funding when you're still young enough to want to spend the money on frivolities instead.

kennyc wrote:

Agrippina wrote:..... I just don't want to live with my kids anyway, I'm waaaay too much hard work as a housemate.

I can only imagine!

I'm not kidding.

I can't stay with them for longer than a day or two before I start tidying up the mess, doing the laundry, rearranging their cupboards, or bursting because I'm not allowed to use the language that's not allowed "in front of the children."

So that's definitely off the table.

and see here's my other issue since we are being so frank with one another. My daughter who is 25 and lives with her mother, my ex. have been having issues with each other and we've been through more history and issues than you really want to know about...but she asked about moving in here and living in the basement -- she makes minimum wage, can't really afford a place on her own and even her employment is sketchy and has been forever. Again I won't go into all the reasons for the issues. But I basically told her I needed to live alone ... which is pretty much true....but I'm also hoping she will get out on her one and begin taking more responsibility......to get back to the point of the thread though.....I thinking that I've ruined any chances of living in her basement in the future should I need to.

Yes, I have one like that as well. We could end up with him living on our couch.

tuco wrote:Can provide one fact relevant to discussion. Will not verify with links as they are in Czech but cost of institutional care for elderly in CR is around 25 - 30 000 Kč per bed per month (900-1100 euro). If elderly stays in home care, and 24h care is needed, the state provides around half this amount to those providing care, usually family member, as compensation for loss of job etc.

The way I see it and from my experience, there is lots of talk about respect for old age but the money often are in someone else's mouth, pocket respectively.

Apart from free medical care for people who can't afford insurance and a small pension, there is no help for us here, and no proper public transport except in the major cities, and it's expensive, not free for the elderly. Africans do claim to "respect the elderly" but they don't put money into it. The government old age facilities are really horrible, and over-crowded, and there's talk about abuse, so it's not an option for anyone who can't live with sharing very close space with strangers.

james1v wrote:The price of Werther's Originals seems to keep on rising above inflation. At this rate, i doubt i will be able to afford them when the time comes.

I have no idea what those are, so I can't respond.

Suck it up, baby!

Aha! I thought they were coats or something similar, not sweets.

Well at least they come from the Storck.

Myself and my mother cared for both her parents, living in the same house as them. It was so indescribably difficult. My nan became like a baby in so many ways, it was very difficult for me to adjust to. The worst part was that as she deteriorated, she didn't always know who we were, it was very hard for my mother to be referred to as "that lady". As my grandfather deteriorated, his paranoia grew rapidly. By the time of his death, he was convinced that both my mum and I were his enemies, even though we put so much into caring for them both. At the end, we were written out of his will, most of it going to relatives that didn't even make the short journey to visit them, either while healthy at home or dying in hospital. Aging can be so very cruel.

My own take on my aging is that aging is a process of hurting slightly more each day, until you don't.

On the bright side, the downsides to drug use evaporate, may as well get fucked up.

trubble76 wrote:
On the bright side, the downsides to drug use evaporate, may as well get fucked up.

My sentiments exactly. There is no reason not to fire up that bomber. Not having to get up and go to work is bloody marvelous, if I decide to wake-and-bake there's no reason not to.

My grandmother recently went into a nearby hospital with atrial fibrillation. When she was released, I brought her back to my house to keep an eye on her for a few days, until I thought she was ready to return home (she's 83, and has lived alone since my grandfather died a decade ago).

Damn glad I did - about a day and a half after getting released, she had a severe episode of breathing difficulty due to atrial fib and CHF secondary to the heart problems - worst case of anoxia I'd seen on a living patient.

Brought her into a different nearby hospital, where she stayed for 4 days, mostly getting the fluid off her lungs. On her release, brought her up to see her cardiologist, who tweaked her meds, then back home for another rest/recuperation period which ended up lasting about three weeks.

Spent the time letting her regain strength and endurance, learn how to manage breathless episodes with staged work and rest cycles, and monitoring her. She's back home as of yesterday, and has support from her community plus visiting health aides.

She felt pretty bad about accepting the help at first - she was always a caregiver for the family, and felt she was being weak or something. I told her nonsense, this is what family does, and this is a primary reason I bought the house I did, nearby to family, and went into Nursing - I knew the time would come when I would be caring for her, and later for my mother. We all want family to be able to live independently (or nearly) as long as they can, then to live at home aided by other family whenever possible.

I really think that if I'd sent my grandmother to a rehab / nursing home environment after her hospitalizations, she'd still be there.

laklak wrote:

trubble76 wrote:
On the bright side, the downsides to drug use evaporate, may as well get fucked up. :smoke:

My sentiments exactly. There is no reason not to fire up that bomber. Not having to get up and go to work is bloody marvelous, if I decide to wake-and-bake there's no reason not to.

The problem is that you can rarely, if ever, be sure what's coming. You could even reason that anticipated comings can either be prevented or prepared for. Reason is not quite the adviser it aspires to be.

trubble76 wrote:

[snip]

By the time of his death, he was convinced that both my mum and I were his enemies, even though we put so much into caring for them both. At the end, we were written out of his will, most of it going to relatives that didn't even make the short journey to visit them, either while healthy at home or dying in hospital. Aging can be so very cruel.

[snip]

Reason says its not fair. But what was the alternative? From my experience people like your nan are not exactly happy in institutional care from obvious reasons. How much is a brief moment of clarity, love or joy worth? Reason is overrated. At the end its up to each and every one of us to figure out. Reason or not.

Where I live there are social services for people in situation you describe. Its recommended to take time off for example or not try to handle everything alone. This is where availability of such services to everyone in need is crucial for the scheme to work. And its even cheaper, for the glory of reason ;)

I keep telling my parents to not worry about leaving any sort of inheritance. They can't take it with them, so spend it to enjoy their lives as much as possible, especially once retirement happens.I'm not a fan of the mentality that surrounds inheritance, partially from past work and partially from personal experience. I do not perceive myself as being entitled to anything that my parents have and disuade them from making a big deal of saying "such and such a thing will be yours" etc etc. It just doesn't sit right with me and frankly if they had something valuable which, if flogged, would get them a nice holiday or otherwise help keep them comfortable over the coming years, I'd rather they didn't hold it to it for my sake.