Partners at the birth of a child...

...yes or no?

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Partners at the birth of a child...

#1  Postby Agrippina » Feb 12, 2014 8:11 am

Sky News are talking about a TV host who doesn't want to be there for the birth of child.

When I was having babies, the idea of the father being in the birthing room was a novelty. My kids' dad said he didn't want to be there, too much information he didn't want to share.

What do the rest of you feel about it. Is it an imperative, or are there other dads who'd rather not have that image in their head.

My DH says no, he'd rather not. He also doesn't want to view dead bodies of loved ones, also not an image he wants in his head. How about the rest of you? What are the advantages of the dad being there? Is there a social advantage? Or is it just a fad?

(I hope this is the right forum for this, otherwise move it if it isn't). :thumbup:
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#2  Postby Rachel Bronwyn » Feb 12, 2014 8:19 am

I expect him there.

It's not a spectator sport though so siblings and parents can wait outside.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#3  Postby Scar » Feb 12, 2014 8:37 am

From what I can tell, birthing a child is a pretty fucked up situation (and yeah, also wonderful and magical and yadda yadda) so maybe having your spouse around to hold your hand might be helpful.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#4  Postby RobM » Feb 12, 2014 8:39 am

My wife wanted me there for the birth of our 2 children (over 30 years ago). I was in 2 minds but she was grateful for my presence and I must say seeing them for the first time as they were born was an experience I am glad I didn't miss.

As for dead bodies - no way. I'd rather my last memory of someone was as a living person.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#5  Postby Adco » Feb 12, 2014 8:46 am

I was present at the birth of all four of my kids. I cut their cords, bathed them and returned them to their Mom for feeding and bonding. I wouldn't have missed the occasion for any reason.

My second kid, a girl, shot out so fast I nearly dropped her. It was like trying to catch a slippery rugby ball. My wife(ex) churned the kids out like she was a sausage making machine. Pop, pop, pop, pop. All completely natural childbirths with no painkillers. Tough chick she was.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#6  Postby infiniteentropy » Feb 12, 2014 8:51 am

I was there for the birth of my two children, it would have never crossed my mind to not be there. It seems an old fashioned attitude to not want to be there.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#7  Postby Thomas Eshuis » Feb 12, 2014 8:59 am

If I were to have a pregnant wife in the future, I'd want to be there.
Not just to see my children coming into this world, but also to support her, like Scar mentioned.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#8  Postby Fenrir » Feb 12, 2014 9:01 am

36 hours followed by a blood soaked frenzy (emergency Caesarian, little bugger decided to go bungy jumping at the last minute and tied himself up).

Would I have chosen to attend for my own purposes? No

Was the support and comfort appreciated? Apparently yes with bells on.

Seems a small effort beside that of the mother. Would be churlish to refuse.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#9  Postby juju7 » Feb 12, 2014 9:04 am

Anyone who can't bear to witness the birth of their child, shouldn't go through the process of making one.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#10  Postby Aca » Feb 12, 2014 9:04 am

I was present for the birth of all three of my children. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Leaving my partner to go through it on her own is inconceivable to me.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#11  Postby Fallible » Feb 12, 2014 9:25 am

My other half was there, there wasn't even any question or discussion. He was just there.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#12  Postby Agrippina » Feb 12, 2014 9:37 am

As I said, in the 1970s it wasn't the rule, it was a "new age" idea, that my ex didn't want a part of.

The same goes for taking care of the babies, men of my generation didn't do that either. I didn't care one way or the other, if he'd asked to be there I would possibly have said OK, he said no, so I didn't nag about it.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#13  Postby Fallible » Feb 12, 2014 9:39 am

I know, I was born in the 70s. My dad wasn't there.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#14  Postby Agrippina » Feb 12, 2014 9:41 am

I think if someone is squeamish and likely to faint at the sight of a little blood, it's better they're not there. My DH can't even watch blood being drawn from his own arm. So I don't think he would've wanted to be there.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#15  Postby Fallible » Feb 12, 2014 9:45 am

Apparently ''birthing partners'' are a thing these days. So my view is that the dad shouldn't be made to feel he has to go in, the woman could always bring a friend or other relative if he can't face it. My other half is very squeamish too, but presumably decided he would test himself. :lol:
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#16  Postby Agrippina » Feb 12, 2014 9:46 am

:lol:I would rather hang myself than let someone else, a friend or sister, see me in that position. Nope, I want strangers who won't remember my face doing the work, but then I'm weird in other ways too.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#17  Postby Made of Stars » Feb 12, 2014 9:48 am

I wouldn't have missed it for the world - the most extraordinary experiences of my life.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#18  Postby Fallible » Feb 12, 2014 9:49 am

The whole process of pregnancy was excruciatingly embarrassing for me - sadly your dignity goes out the window and when I found myself in hospital with pre-eclampsia, apologising to the doctor observing the oedema half way up my thigh for not having shaved my legs, I decided I should probably just give up trying to hold onto it.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#19  Postby Jbags » Feb 12, 2014 9:56 am

juju7 wrote:Anyone who can't bear to witness the birth of their child, shouldn't go through the process of making one.


Agreed.*

At school we were shown an incredibly graphic video of childbirth in biology class around the age of 15. I think this was especially useful, it takes away the mystery, and makes you come to terms with it.

I do not yet have kids, but I fully intend to, and would absolutely want to be there for the birth. I have no particular reverence for the act of childbirth, but since it is incredibly traumatic and painful there's no way I would want my partner to go through that without me.



*And for the exact same reason (although rather morbidly) anyone who can't stomach the process of raising, slaughtering and butchering an animal, shouldn't be eating meat.
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Re: Partners at the birth of a child...

#20  Postby Banzai! » Feb 12, 2014 10:26 am

I have done it 3 times including one out of the sun roof and wouldn't have missed them for anything, I am a long way from squeamish though and had to be told to stay out of the way more often than not.
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