For most of my teenage years I was enchanted by the idea of a child all of my own, teaching them about the world around them and being a wonderful mother. But at some point between then and now, my personal views have completely changed. I don't want to have children. There are various reasons, and I guess some of them are selfish (the expense, not having time to myself, the experience of being pregnant and childbirth,) but obviously these stem from experiences of watching others with children or listening to them talk about them and not from any personal experience. Some of my reasons are maybe a little less selfish but I don't tend to voice them, especially around people who have children - I think there are enough people on this world already and to add to that number would only be compounding the problem (and given that some of my close relations have just had children, I think it wouldn't really be appropriate to say this in from of them!), and maybe it would be more responsible to adopt or foster an unwanted child.

Whenever this comes up in conversation with friends or family, I become aware that I am in a minority for not wanting children. So - to those who are yet to reproduce - do you want to have children some day? And why/why not? I'd be interested to hear other peoples' opinions.

I never wanted children and I glad I didn't have any. I didn't want the responsibility. Actually I don't understand why people do want children. Anybody know?

chaggle wrote:I never wanted children and I glad I didn't have any. I didn't want the responsibility. Actually I don't understand why people do want children. Anybody know?

To carry out household chores...

Not in a billion years. Plus, I'm infertile. Yay for me!

The answer is no.

But it's too late now.

chaggle wrote:I never wanted children and I glad I didn't have any. I didn't want the responsibility. Actually I don't understand why people do want children. Anybody know?

Well, someone has to perpetuate the species, i suppose...

chaggle wrote:I never wanted children and I glad I didn't have any. I didn't want the responsibility. Actually I don't understand why people do want children. Anybody know?

Actually I'm only guessing that I haven't got any

I have two.. they are GREAT, can't imagine life without children.

NineOneFour wrote:

chaggle wrote:I never wanted children and I glad I didn't have any. I didn't want the responsibility. Actually I don't understand why people do want children. Anybody know?

Well, someone has to perpetuate the species, i suppose...

Why?

I've never wanted them. For many of the same reasons you list above. They are expensive shit and vomit factories. And there are many, many unwanted children in the world that need a good home.

On the other hand, I'm beginning to come open to the idea of one of my own in the fairly far future. I know this (very) slow change of heart is largely due to the fact that I'm going to be getting married this fall to a wonderful man who wants to be a father. Luckily for me, he's in grad school for at least 3 more years, and we've agreed on absolutely no children until he has graduated.

I guess what I'm getting at is I can understand wanting them in the abstract, but not in my current reality.

If I weren't irresponsible and a bad example for innocent children, I'd probably do it.

DoctorE wrote:I have two.. they are GREAT, can't imagine life without children.

That's an evolutionary thing...If you could remember how great life was before kids you'd get rid of them!


*I haz 4

campermon wrote:

DoctorE wrote:I have two.. they are GREAT, can't imagine life without children.

That's an evolutionary thing...If you could remember how great life was before kids you'd get rid of them!


*I haz 4

Damn evolution

chaggle wrote:

NineOneFour wrote:

chaggle wrote:I never wanted children and I glad I didn't have any. I didn't want the responsibility. Actually I don't understand why people do want children. Anybody know?

Well, someone has to perpetuate the species, i suppose...

Why?

Because otherwise the planet would be overrun by homo idioticus.

When I was a child, my brother died of cancer -- he was almost 8. I NEVER wanted to go through what my parents went through, and the only way to guarantee that was not having any kids of my own.

I also felt very strongly that the world was (now is WAY more) overpopulated.
And IF I had kids, I knew I would want to nurse them and spend a lot of time with them--I didn't want to have 'em and then have someone else raise them, you know? I wasn't sure I wanted to make that huge a commitment.

The bottom two reasons were what I generally said and thought, but the top reason (I think) was the "biggie."

But my boyfriend REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to have kids--and not just with anybody, with me. After a long time (1 or 2 years), he persuaded me to get married and have kids.

I really do love, not just my kids, but the whole parenthood thing. Not only do I have some of the best companions in the world, now, and the most entertaining conversationalists, but being a parent made me feel way connected to humanity, the earth, and the universe. The stakes on everything, good and bad, became higher. Parenthood is definitely one of the most humbling things, too, which in retrospect is excellent.

That said, my surviving brother "got fixed" very young (20 - 22 years old), and he has apparently never had any regrets. He doesn't see my kids all that often (we live far away), but when he does, he's a FANTASTIC uncle. He and his wife didn't adopt, either. So I would never say that people "should" have kids.

I'm just very glad I did.

NineOneFour wrote:Not in a billion years. Plus, I'm infertile. Yay for me!

I'm jealous. Totally fertile, and those in my extended family enjoy letting me know.

Don't want children. Being stuck near my nephew has only made me dislike children even more since he was born. (Hate his parents too.) Will I miss out on some things? Sure, but those with kids also miss out on things too. Having children is a sacrifice, but so is not having any.

There are a lot of things I'd like to do in my life, all which will take up a lot of time and energy, along with the fact that I'm celibate (I'm not a fan of sex) so if I did have kids, I'd end up being a single mother on purpose, which I also don't approve of. And because of that, it would be irresponsible of me to have kids when I don't even want them in the first place.

I also have a pessimistic view of the future of our civilization. I see the pain, hungry, crime, and the likely hood of a mass starvation happening either within my lifetime or very soon after, and I don't like it one bit. I've no desire to bring a child into a world I'm not a fan of. It would break my heart to have to look into the face of my child and say "I made a mistake, I'm sorry for bringing you into this shit hole." I just couldn't do it, and would most likely end up feeling guilty for the rest of my life.

Another reason is, I like be responsible for just myself. I'm a fantastic leader, when the only one I need to lead is myself. I hate being in charge of other people, including other adults. Being a perfectionist doesn't make that any easier. I'd most likely end up being the over-bearing sort of mother, and I've no desire to smother a child that way. It would be unfair.

I' don't like to share. I know it's childish, but if there's an item that I consider mine, I do not share it with anyone. I get extreme anxiety whenever someone even asks me to borrow a bloody pen. I stalk them and make sure to keep it in my sight so they can't steal it or "lose" it. I can only imagine what I'd be like if I had a child running around touching stuff they're not supposed to. Everything in my room is set up a certain way, and in a certain order. If I had a kid, he/she would never be allowed near "my" stuff till they were at least in middle school. In the mean time he/she would have his/her own private play room that he/she can destroy.
So for the past few years, whenever someone asks me to borrow anything, I've almost always said no. Bothers a lot of other folks, but it gives me peace of mind.

Which reminds me, I'm already like that with my nephew. No one else in the family cares if he breaks a cell phone or even just takes the bloody thing. But I do, and the last time he tried grabbing my cell, I got to it first and walked off, leaving him crying behind me. I didn't care one bit. His parents are allowing him to think that everything is his and he can do what he wants. Drives me fucking nuts. He breaks expensive things, and I'm the only one that gives a damn. Just the other day he broke my mothers mic, and yet the ditz didn't bother to keep it from him.

With that all being said, I don't hate kids, I just don't like them either. I'm indifferent in general, but turn on the "hate" when someone elses kid is misbehaving near me (my nephew for example) and the parent doesn't seem to give a shit. But then, I've been told that lots of other people feel the same way. Love their own kids, hate everyone else's.

There also seems to be this idea floating about, that when someone says "I don't want kids" when asked if they do, the other person expects them to explain why. (Based off personal experience and observations btw) The last time someone asked me in person, I just said "No." and then when he asked me "why" I said "There's no need for you too know" and I wandered away. It happens often, and I've just taken to getting right to the point and not explaining why because really, they don't need to know why. It's not any of their bloody business why, and if I wanted to share why, I would, just like I have in this thread.
In other words, it amazes me that there are those that seem to think that those of us who don't want kids should have to be constantly justifying our actions. I just got tired of it real quick.

So no kids for me, not even adopting (Again, will be to busy, the child would just end up being starved of attention) I'm not even interested in ever having sex with anyone, so thankfully that makes not having any even easier. In my mind, those who don't want kids, should not have any. Those that do, should think long and hard about why, and consider what sort of future those children may have in our crazy world.

I have never wanted children. I did not even play with dolls when I was a kid. But now that I'm older, I have more reasons for not wanting children, in addition to "I just don't want to".

For one, I have (sometimes severe) depression. My sister, mother, aunt, and grandmother also have depression, and probably a couple of my cousins, as well. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT want to pass along the hell that I have been through.

I also don't want to deprive my hypothetical children of a fully attentive caretaker. Even if I adopted, this would still be an issue due to my depression. I would probably have depressive episodes throughout life, resulting in neglect. And I don't want to inflict upon anyone what a friend of mine had happen to him: his mother killed herself when he was a teenager. I don't think I will do that, but I recognize that the possibility is there, however small.

Furthermore, I'm just not an energetic person. I dislike going out frequently, and I get stressed out when there are too many things to do, and that's just in normal, day-to-day life. Trying to add a kid into that picture? Disastrous. I have enough trouble taking care of a single cat.

Plus, I'm just selfish. I like money, I like relaxing vacations, I like my relaxing evenings and weekends, and those things just aren't possible with kids. I don't even like kids, and they often actively irritate me. I don't even know how to take care of a baby or young child, and I don't particularly feel like finding out.

And the world -is- overpopulated, so I don't see a point in making it worse.

I am so vehemently against having children that I had an abortion several years ago. It was an extremely emotionally painful experience, but I do not regret being childless, and if faced with the same decision again, I would have to choose as I did before.

Fortunately, I'm marrying an infertile man, and I now have a condition that makes it difficult to conceive anyway, so I'm in good shape!

Valden wrote:In other words, it amazes me that there are those that seem to think that those of us who don't want kids should have to be constantly justifying our actions. I just got tired of it real quick.

I hear you!! It's like you're some kind of freak if you don't want kids.

midnightfire wrote:

Valden wrote:In other words, it amazes me that there are those that seem to think that those of us who don't want kids should have to be constantly justifying our actions. I just got tired of it real quick.

I hear you!! It's like you're some kind of freak if you don't want kids.

I got this from one of my young relatives recently. She's 12 years old and apparently thinks every woman should love children and anyone who does not want them is a complete freak.

midnightfire wrote:

I am so vehemently against having children that I had an abortion several years ago. It was an extremely emotionally painful experience, but I do not regret being childless childfree, and if faced with the same decision again, I would have to choose as I did before.

Fixed