What Topics Should Children Be Sheltered From, If Any?

AlohaChris · #1 by **AlohaChris** » Dec 24, 2011 6:15 pm

I strive to be as honest as I can be with my children, giving them age-approiate explanations for life's experiences. Lately, I'm wondering what topics, if any are 'inappropriate' for children.

My latest example was an intoxicated family member at dinner acting foolishly. My kids (8 & 7) were asking appropriate questions: "Why is he acting like that?" "What is alcohol?" "What does 'drunk' mean?"

I gave my kids an explanation about alcohol, it's effects on the brain/body, why some people get drunk, and the implications/possible consequences thereof. My wife was not happy with this, saying that I was giving them too much information and "turning the kids against" her family member. I would like to add that I was careful to be non-judgemental in speaking about this family member, saying that "Uncle X sometimes drinks too much", not "Uncle X is a lousy drunk".

What say you? :ask:

The_Metatron · #2 by **The_Metatron** » Dec 24, 2011 8:07 pm

You were right on the ball. Truth prevails.

Nostalgia · #3 by **Nostalgia** » Dec 24, 2011 8:18 pm

I agree. The truth is always best. I don't remember any specifics (they may come to me later) but I recall being given false information by my parents when I was a kid as an attempt to shelter me from the big bad world, then when I actually found out the truth it meant not only was I unprepared I also lost some trust for them.

But then, I don't have children. I do however have a close relationship to two of my friends' five year old. And this is the attitude they take.

reddix · #4 by **reddix** » Dec 26, 2011 5:24 am

I think if you are using age-appropriate explanations adjusted for your child's maturity level, a child shouldn't be sheltered from anything that comes up in every day life. If they ask a question about something, they should get an answer if the answer is known or, especially in cases of morality or something subjective, given guidance to work out the answer on their own.

What I would be cautious about, again depending on the maturity level of the child, would be gratuitous violence or gore or other nightmarish things that are not related to any discussion.

The heaviest topic I've discussed (and shown pictures) with my 6 year old is birth defects. This was related to a discussion about a man with no arms that she saw when we were out shopping.

gleniedee · #5 by **gleniedee** » Dec 28, 2011 2:39 am

But then, I don't have children.

Neither do I ,and I have a long memory. Today I agree with Germaine Greer,who said "it's despicable to lie to a child'".So I don't.

Not always a popular thing to do,even though I try not to be blunt or frighten a child.I do not offer unsolicited opinions .Parents tend to loathe childless experts.

I guess a lot of adults are of the opinion that it's perfectly OK to lie to a child because we adults do it to each other constantly. :coffee:

MoonLit · #6 by **MoonLit** » Dec 28, 2011 5:45 am

AlohaChris wrote:I strive to be as honest as I can be with my children, giving them age-approiate explanations for life's experiences. Lately, I'm wondering what topics, if any are 'inappropriate' for children.

My latest example was an intoxicated family member at dinner acting foolishly. My kids (8 & 7) were asking appropriate questions: "Why is he acting like that?" "What is alcohol?" "What does 'drunk' mean?"

I gave my kids an explanation about alcohol, it's effects on the brain/body, why some people get drunk, and the implications/possible consequences thereof. My wife was not happy with this, saying that I was giving them too much information and "turning the kids against" her family member. I would like to add that I was careful to be non-judgemental in speaking about this family member, saying that "Uncle X sometimes drinks too much", not "Uncle X is a lousy drunk".

What say you?

I don't have kids, but I'd like to think that if I did, I would have done something similar to what you did. :cheers:

I do have a four year old nephew and two month old niece. I could do it with them once they get around to asking questions as yours did. :grin:

natselrox · #7 by **natselrox** » Dec 28, 2011 6:29 am

Cynicism.

Doubtdispelled · #8 by **Doubtdispelled** » Dec 29, 2011 11:22 am

natselrox wrote:Cynicism.

But Nats, children themselves are natural cynics. Many times when you explain something to a child, something which may at first seem implausible but is nevertheless true, the child will look at you sideways, eyes narrowed......

natselrox · #9 by **natselrox** » Dec 29, 2011 12:09 pm

Doubtdispelled wrote:
natselrox wrote:Cynicism.

But Nats, children themselves are natural cynics. Many times when you explain something to a child, something which may at first seem implausible but is nevertheless true, the child will look at you sideways, eyes narrowed......

That's Rational Skepticism, DD, not cynicism!

Animavore · **#10** by **Animavore** » Dec 29, 2011 12:19 pm

I remember being lied to as a child. Fortunately I had access to dictionaries, older kids and cousins and, of course, a cool uncle (a role I've now taken myself

) and the stash of pornographic mags and erotic novels on top of my parent's wardrobe to help me work out all the things in life the bastard grown-ups tried to keep from me. I still consider most adults to be the enemy of children to this day. I will not be an enemy to children. I will never lie to them.

natselrox · **#11** by **natselrox** » Dec 29, 2011 12:57 pm

Animavore wrote:I remember being lied to as a child. Fortunately I had access to dictionaries, older kids and cousins and, of course, a cool uncle (a role I've now taken myself ) and the stash of pornographic mags and erotic novels on top of my parent's wardrobe to help me work out all the things in life the bastard grown-ups tried to keep from me. I still consider most adults to be the enemy of children to this day. I will not be an enemy to children. I will never lie to them.

Mike_L · **#12** by **Mike_L** » Dec 29, 2011 1:06 pm

AlohaChris wrote:What say you?

Stop calling me 'Uncle X'! Anyway, you were the one pouring the wine!

:grin:

Paul G · **#13** by **Paul G** » Dec 29, 2011 1:19 pm

Never lie to a child, they're not stupid.

Animavore · **#14** by **Animavore** » Dec 29, 2011 1:20 pm

Paul G wrote:Never lie to a child, they're not stupid.

My point in a nutshell.

AlohaChris · **#15** by **AlohaChris** » Dec 29, 2011 1:21 pm

Mike_L wrote:
AlohaChris wrote:What say you?

Stop calling me 'Uncle X'! Anyway, you were the one pouring the wine!

Then keep your vomit off my family, Lush! :lol:

Doubtdispelled · **#16** by **Doubtdispelled** » Dec 30, 2011 11:52 am

natselrox wrote:
That's Rational Skepticism, DD, not cynicism!

'Appen you are right, Nats. In which case, every child should be a member of this forum! :lol:

NamelessFaceless · **#17** by **NamelessFaceless** » Dec 30, 2011 2:51 pm

I recently watched the movie "The Ledge" and there was a scene where an atheist was arguing with a fundie xian. The fundie told the atheist that he had just visited a dying child in a hospital whose parents had already died in a car accident. He said the child asked him if heaven was real and he said yes and that the child's mommy and daddy were there. Then the child died with a smile on his face. The fundie then asked the atheist what he would have said, and the atheist replied "I would have told him the exact same lie as you."

I've been struggling to come up with what I would say to a child in that situation.

Here's the clip from the movie. That part of the conversation starts about 3:45.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkhOLImItcQ[/youtube]

AlohaChris · **#18** by **AlohaChris** » Dec 30, 2011 4:01 pm

Verbal morphine? Yeah, in the case of a dying child-orphan with a theist worldview, I guess there's only an upside to a comforting lie. Doesn't make it right, just expedient.

ED209 · **#19** by **ED209** » Jan 02, 2012 1:22 pm

Paul G wrote:Never lie to a child, they're not stupid.

The stupid ones are :dunno:

I don't see what the OP did wrong, if the kids are old enough for Uncle X to drunkenly act like a bell-end around them, they are old enough to have the reason for that behaviour explained to them.

Horwood Beer-Master · **#20** by **Horwood Beer-Master** » Jan 26, 2012 1:34 pm

AlohaChris wrote:I strive to be as honest as I can be with my children, giving them age-approiate explanations for life's experiences. Lately, I'm wondering what topics, if any are 'inappropriate' for children.

My latest example was an intoxicated family member at dinner acting foolishly. My kids (8 & 7) were asking appropriate questions: "Why is he acting like that?" "What is alcohol?" "What does 'drunk' mean?"

I gave my kids an explanation about alcohol, it's effects on the brain/body, why some people get drunk, and the implications/possible consequences thereof. My wife was not happy with this, saying that I was giving them too much information and "turning the kids against" her family member. I would like to add that I was careful to be non-judgemental in speaking about this family member, saying that "Uncle X sometimes drinks too much", not "Uncle X is a lousy drunk".

What say you?

I can't remember ever not knowing what 'drunk' meant. I mean old kid's cartoons used to feature drinking and drunkenness for-fuck's-sake!

What Topics Should Children Be Sheltered From, If Any?

What Topics Should Children Be Sheltered From, If Any?

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