Animavore wrote:I want one of these funerals but I bet my mother and family would go against my wishes and give me a Catholic one if I died tomorrow

PS Don't die tomorrow!!

Nora_Leonard wrote:

Animavore wrote:I want one of these funerals but I bet my mother and family would go against my wishes and give me a Catholic one if I died tomorrow

PS Don't die tomorrow!!

I'll try to avoid it. But you don't know where the next 33 is will come from.

Nora_Leonard wrote:

Animavore wrote:I want one of these funerals but I bet my mother and family would go against my wishes and give me a Catholic one if I died tomorrow

Make a will and appoint someone (i.e. a friend, not a family member) to be your executor, and put your funeral wishes in the will.

My solicitor tells me such wishes are not binding, at least in the UK, as the funeral may be arranged before the will is sorted out. I have taken the precaution of letting everyone who knows me - even remotely - what my views on religion are.

Nora_Leonard wrote:

Animavore wrote:I want one of these funerals but I bet my mother and family would go against my wishes and give me a Catholic one if I died tomorrow

Make a will and appoint someone (i.e. a friend, not a family member) to be your executor, and put your funeral wishes in the will.

Oh I missed this post buried at the bottom of the previous page.

I did try to defect from the Catholic Church a couple of years ago and then they suddenly changed the rules that they don't allow defection before I got the form posted. If I had've been defected they couldn't of given me a Catholic funeral even if they wanted.

See here http://www.countmeout.ie/suspension/

Blip wrote:

Nora_Leonard wrote:

Animavore wrote:I want one of these funerals but I bet my mother and family would go against my wishes and give me a Catholic one if I died tomorrow

Make a will and appoint someone (i.e. a friend, not a family member) to be your executor, and put your funeral wishes in the will.

My solicitor tells me such wishes are not binding, at least in the UK, as the funeral may be arranged before the will is sorted out. I have taken the precaution of letting everyone who knows me - even remotely - what my views on religion are.

Yes, I can well imagine that what the family wants could trump your instructions.

It's a hard one, as the funeral is really for the living and not the dead. In my case the person who would really care (about whether it was a church funeral or not) is my mother, and I think I'll survive her. In any case I'll undoubtedly die over here and I don't think either of my sisters are going to want my corpse fed-exed to them!

I told my family that I will come back to haunt them if they go hallelujah on my corpse

Nora_Leonard wrote:

Blip wrote:

Nora_Leonard wrote:

Animavore wrote:I want one of these funerals but I bet my mother and family would go against my wishes and give me a Catholic one if I died tomorrow

Make a will and appoint someone (i.e. a friend, not a family member) to be your executor, and put your funeral wishes in the will.

My solicitor tells me such wishes are not binding, at least in the UK, as the funeral may be arranged before the will is sorted out. I have taken the precaution of letting everyone who knows me - even remotely - what my views on religion are.

Yes, I can well imagine that what the family wants could trump your instructions.

It's a hard one, as the funeral is really for the living and not the dead. In my case the person who would really care (about whether it was a church funeral or not) is my mother, and I think I'll survive her. In any case I'll undoubtedly die over here and I don't think either of my sisters are going to want my corpse fed-exed to them!

Here that easy solved. You go to a notaris (notary which does not exist in Britain) and make an agreement. He handles your funeral according to your wishes. Nobody can go against it.

So I've had a non-religious funeral this weekend.

The place was filled. Music was playing while we all entered the room where my grandmother was lying. After everybody had settled my mother and a good friend performed a dance with candles. There was a musical interlude followed by some speeches. My little sister, my uncle and a good friend spoke about my grandmother's character and "legacy". We listened to more music.

There were no speeches or anything from non-related people. It was all personal.

I'm satisfied with how it turned out.

When my grandfather died a couple of years ago, I requested an irreligious ceremony (as my grandad was an atheist and didn't wish to be seen off by relics of someone else's religion) and the undertakers promised it would be no problem but the room had a half metre crucifix at the front and the book thingy had christian prayers in the back of it.
When I complained, they were fairly unhelpful. I was furious at the time but looking back they were small things which I suppose they overlooked. I just wished they had cared enough to spend the 2 minutes necessary to remove such things.

I noticed something similar at my father's funeral. I didn't bother speaking to anyone, I guess most crematoria are set up for a default of a Christian service, but it shouldn't be too difficult to temporaily cover up religious symbols etc. The crucifix wasn't visible to the celebrant, so she may not even have been aware of it. Might send a note to the BHA to see if their celebrants check for this sort of thing before the service.

trubble76 wrote:When my grandfather died a couple of years ago, I requested an irreligious ceremony (as my grandad was an atheist and didn't wish to be seen off by relics of someone else's religion) and the undertakers promised it would be no problem but the room had a half metre crucifix at the front and the book thingy had christian prayers in the back of it.
When I complained, they were fairly unhelpful. I was furious at the time but looking back they were small things which I suppose they overlooked. I just wished they had cared enough to spend the 2 minutes necessary to remove such things.

I object in Britain to the presumption that people want a religious funeral. My father's funeral was years ago but the undertakers did not listen. I said no bloody minister (c of s) and what happened an old git with a dog collar turned up.
Even the music they presumed would be 'amazing (bloody) grace' as it was the popular at the time. I managed to change that.

Here the presumption is for a non-religious funeral which is the way it should be; the default.

trubble76 wrote:When I complained, they were fairly unhelpful. I was furious at the time but looking back they were small things which I suppose they overlooked. I just wished they had cared enough to spend the 2 minutes necessary to remove such things.

That's the thing, people are so used to seeing the world through a certain lens they just don't see the things that will stick out like sore thumbs to someone with a different view of the world.

For instance, my dad just didn't get why I would get upset when books always assumed the singular for an individual (i.e. the stand-in for a person) was 'he'. I'd complain and try to explain and he just didn't see it. He'd say "I don't get upset when I see the word 'she'?"

But I think that's changing as non-religious people continue to voice their opposition to these assumptions about the default position, so to speak.

Another problem in Britain the presumption of a religious service is built into the crematoriums in Britain. By my father the aula had a big black cross in the window glazing. Very hard to cover up.

Scot Dutchy wrote:

trubble76 wrote:When my grandfather died a couple of years ago, I requested an irreligious ceremony (as my grandad was an atheist and didn't wish to be seen off by relics of someone else's religion) and the undertakers promised it would be no problem but the room had a half metre crucifix at the front and the book thingy had christian prayers in the back of it.
When I complained, they were fairly unhelpful. I was furious at the time but looking back they were small things which I suppose they overlooked. I just wished they had cared enough to spend the 2 minutes necessary to remove such things.

I object in Britain to the presumption that people want a religious funeral. My father's funeral was years ago but the undertakers did not listen. I said no bloody minister (c of s) and what happened an old git with a dog collar turned up.
Even the music they presumed would be 'amazing (bloody) grace' as it was the popular at the time. I managed to change that.

Here the presumption is for a non-religious funeral which is the way it should be; the default.

To be fair, the celebrant did a reasonable job. The ceremony was religiousish without actually being religious, which I suppose is appropriate. I just didn't enjoy looking at the god-on-a-stick at the front. The written prayers were a bit annoying but at least they were not unavoidable.

Music selection for me...

The death of Ase, from Peer Gynt
Barber, Adagio for Strings
Dawn, also from Peer Gynt
Beethoven, Ode to Joy, Adagio
Brahms, Serenade #1, entire

exit music: Steppenwolf, Magic Carpet Ride

The_Metatron wrote:Music selection for me...

The death of Ase, from Peer Gynt
Barber, Adagio for Strings
Dawn, also from Peer Gynt
Beethoven, Ode to Joy, Adagio
Brahms, Serenade #1, entire

exit music: Steppenwolf, Magic Carpet Ride

My friend Gill had Concierto de Aranjuez, Elgar's Cello Concerto and, for the exit, Lola. The first two are exactly what I would choose too. Funnily enough, though, it was Lola that made me utter a sob.

My late girl friend chose as final music "Farewell Theme" from Eleni Karaindrou. Very moving.

mindhack, sorry for your loss.

Funerals. My dad asked to be cremated and no funeral, my mother and eldest b-i-l arranged a religious service with her church, contrary to everything he wanted.

When my sister was dying she said she didn't want a funeral, and especially didn't want "Abide with me" at the non-funeral. Again the same b-i-l who happened to be her husband, ignored the instructions and arranged a huge event, which fell flat when he died on the way to the funeral and then two days later, their kids and the two of us, held a private farewell ceremony at the crematorium with the two coffins being sent to the fire. Exactly what she wanted in the first place.

My mother, having given up or her religion in the meantime, specifically asked me to arrange for a simple pine box, a cremation and no funeral. So when she died, 10+ years after my sister, I did exactly that, much to the annoyance of the family who wanted a big send-off for the family's matriarch. I dug my heels in, did the simple box, waited for the ashes to be ready, and then met them at my dad's grave where I asked the eldest grandchildren to scatter the ashes. We all just said what we felt we were losing by her death, and went our separate ways.

I don't want even this. They can just dump my remains at the nearest hospital for whatever purpose they can use it, and have a party where they tell their best stories about me. End of story. I want flowers, gifts, and schmaltz, now, while I'm alive to enjoy them.