Just had my second appointment with my therapist and I he offered a diagnosis. Seems I have anorexia... Well, d'oh. Guess I'll keep this thread updated for a bit. I'm wondering how she'll be able to help me.

Sorry to hear that Scar, I hope you can get on the road to recovery soon. Wishing you well.

Thanks. I'm not underweight (I was once). I got my eating habits well under control. The problem is more that I can't help but feel fat etc. all of the time and all the bad feelings associated with eating. I wish to get rid of that. Thinking about how I looks is eating away a big chunk if my waking time.

Then it sounds like you're doing exactly the right thing to rectify that. I'm not an expert on anorexia, but I understand that it has similarities to OCD, which I do know a fair bit about. Different disorders, but some overlap. This can be a bitch, but people do manage to at least learn to regulate their thinking and behaviour so it doesn't have such an impact on their lives. I really do hope you can get some relief - I know very well the drain that OCD can have on one's energies and emotions, and I assume it's the same with anorexia.

Yeah. I've a lot if self control. The stupid thing is just that doing the right thing for my health is disturbing me emotionally. For instance, I've built up a lot of muscle, so I can eat more without worrying, but my shitty brain perceives myself not as muscular but fat and bulky :/ Fuck that. I went and got myself a therapist because I've not idea on how fight this myself.

Good for you Scar, I hope it works out for you. I'm sure everyone here will be behind you too.

Indeed!

I tried to try therapy for my food anxiety but encountered an individual who, when I shared anything I was struggling with with them, became very alarmed and inflammatory. I spent most of the appointment trying to defuse them and reassure them I wasn't about to "do something stupid". I'm feeling really defeatist following that train wreck of an attempt at self-improvement.

I'm pissed right off to discover weight loss isn't the panacea it's sold as. Yeah, life's easier when you're slim because people are a lot nicer to you. I'm not depressed about being fat anymore either. I'm in a constant state of anxiety surrounding food and my weight though. Having lost my ability to just enjoy food is pretty depressing.

Let me know if your therapist offers you anything helpful because I'm thinking about just getting really fat again.

I will. I plan on updating this thread once I know more. The good thing is that I have a full team of therapists looking after me and can freely switch if the one assigned to me doesn't suit me. It's a service by our university.

Scar wrote:Yeah. I've a lot if self control. The stupid thing is just that doing the right thing for my health is disturbing me emotionally. For instance, I've built up a lot of muscle, so I can eat more without worrying, but my shitty brain perceives myself not as muscular but fat and bulky :/ Fuck that. I went and got myself a therapist because I've not idea on how fight this myself.

Not trying to be disrespectful, but what's so reprehensible(?) about perceiving yourself as being fat and bulky?

If you're fine with it nothing. If it distresses you, a lot.

Funny bit - as much as being a fatty distresses me, it doesn't bother me in the least if others are (unless there's imminent risk to their health.)

Same here. Though I don't think I could have a relationship with one. But that really is just a matter of taste.

mindhack wrote:

Scar wrote:Yeah. I've a lot if self control. The stupid thing is just that doing the right thing for my health is disturbing me emotionally. For instance, I've built up a lot of muscle, so I can eat more without worrying, but my shitty brain perceives myself not as muscular but fat and bulky :/ Fuck that. I went and got myself a therapist because I've not idea on how fight this myself.

Not trying to be disrespectful, but what's so reprehensible(?) about perceiving yourself as being fat and bulky?

It also depends if your idea about your own body matches reality or not, I guess.

Don't know about the rest of you but I think Scar is pretty brave coming out into the open about something like this. It's not something anyone should be ashamed of, but still, many are. So here's to scar and to hoping of beating his troubles.

babel wrote:

mindhack wrote:

Scar wrote:Yeah. I've a lot if self control. The stupid thing is just that doing the right thing for my health is disturbing me emotionally. For instance, I've built up a lot of muscle, so I can eat more without worrying, but my shitty brain perceives myself not as muscular but fat and bulky :/ Fuck that. I went and got myself a therapist because I've not idea on how fight this myself.

Not trying to be disrespectful, but what's so reprehensible(?) about perceiving yourself as being fat and bulky?

It also depends if your idea about your own body matches reality or not, I guess.

Don't know about the rest of you but I think Scar is pretty brave coming out into the open about something like this. It's not something anyone should be ashamed of, but still, many are. So here's to scar and to hoping of beating his troubles.

Thanks
I never felt that having a (mental) illness is something to be ashamed of. It's not like it's my fault or anything. I find it kinda fascinating to, how you're sometimes so unable to defend yourself against the sheenanigans of your brain. Hence I wanna chat about it.

Scar wrote:

babel wrote:

mindhack wrote:

Scar wrote:Yeah. I've a lot if self control. The stupid thing is just that doing the right thing for my health is disturbing me emotionally. For instance, I've built up a lot of muscle, so I can eat more without worrying, but my shitty brain perceives myself not as muscular but fat and bulky :/ Fuck that. I went and got myself a therapist because I've not idea on how fight this myself.

Not trying to be disrespectful, but what's so reprehensible(?) about perceiving yourself as being fat and bulky?

It also depends if your idea about your own body matches reality or not, I guess.

Don't know about the rest of you but I think Scar is pretty brave coming out into the open about something like this. It's not something anyone should be ashamed of, but still, many are. So here's to scar and to hoping of beating his troubles.

Thanks
I never felt that having a (mental) illness is something to be ashamed of. It's not like it's my fault or anything. I find it kinda fascinating to, how you're sometimes so unable to defend yourself against the sheenanigans of your brain. Hence I wanna chat about it.

It is strange, but it seems a persistent myth that mental illnesses are rare. They are actually quite common. What is rare is not to have some sort of mental illness at some stage in our lives. I blame religions for the stigma of mental illnesses. people never understood it, and thought is was demonic possession or something. Anyway, we are all in your corner Scar!

Darwinsbulldog wrote:

Scar wrote:

babel wrote:

mindhack wrote:
Not trying to be disrespectful, but what's so reprehensible(?) about perceiving yourself as being fat and bulky?

It also depends if your idea about your own body matches reality or not, I guess.

Don't know about the rest of you but I think Scar is pretty brave coming out into the open about something like this. It's not something anyone should be ashamed of, but still, many are. So here's to scar and to hoping of beating his troubles.

Thanks
I never felt that having a (mental) illness is something to be ashamed of. It's not like it's my fault or anything. I find it kinda fascinating to, how you're sometimes so unable to defend yourself against the sheenanigans of your brain. Hence I wanna chat about it.

It is strange, but it seems a persistent myth that mental illnesses are rare. They are actually quite common. What is rare is not to have some sort of mental illness at some stage in our lives. I blame religions for the stigma of mental illnesses. people never understood it, and thought is was demonic possession or something. Anyway, we are all in your corner Scar!

Yeah. The waiting room yesterday was full of people of litterally all age groups. Down to a maybe 15 year old boy. Of course they obviously came in many different shapes,too. Most of the people looked ordinarily, but one dude was consistently talking to himself about rather weird stuff^^

Thanks everyone for your encouragement. I'm not terribly depressed right now over it or anything (though depression is a factor from time to time), more annoyed by my whole situation. I reaaaally long for a moment when I can look into a mirror and be comfortable and not be disturbed by people touching my belly or upper body. I'm wondering what kind of therapy they're going to try on me. I somehow doubt that mere talking will be enough 0o

Might be CBT, I think that's the treatment of choice at the moment.

CBT?

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.